Kisame's Corner
by TheWindAlchemist
Summary: KISAME'S CORNER! ASK HIM AND ALL THE AKATSUKI QUESTIONS SO THEY CAN GET A DECENT MEAL EVERY DAY! Chapter 19 up!
1. EPISODE 1: LOGO NOW IN BOLD

**KISAME'S CORNER**

Logo now in **BOLD**!!

-catchy music plays- (USE YOU'RE IMAGINATION!!)

Kisame walked onstage, words exploding out of nowhere. "GAHK!! TOBI!! WHAT'D YOU DO!?" Kisame yelled, angrily. "I DON'T KNOW!! THIS THING'S OUTTA CONTROL!!" Tobi yelled back, driving a bulldozer across the stage. "Uh… Have… fun… Anyway, welcome to the OFFICIAL chapter of Kisame's Corner!!-" Kisame announced. "HELP!!" Tobi yelled, driving the bulldozer on the stage, as the leader walked in, talking with the manager. The manager looked at the crazy bulldozer and yelled. "HOLY SHNIZ!!" Shniz walked in. "Yes?- HOLY ME!!" Shniz yelled as he was bulldozed in the face by Tobi. And dragged into Town. And… straight to my house… Oh my god…

"Ok, besides the fact that Tobi just bulldozed the newest member in the face, caused chaos in The entire town In just 5 seconds, and is now heading straight to the authors house, I'd say the first episode is going pretty well!" Kisame said casually. "Anyway… our first guest for our OFFICIAL start is Itachi!" Itachi walked on stage. "When do I get paid?" Itachi asked. "Uh… AFTER the show…?" Kisame said, having him sit down. "Can we speed this up? I promised my mom I'd be at her dinner party at Sasuke's graduation. God it's a drag being there…" Itachi said. "I mean she doesn't get the fact that me and Sasuke are mortal enemies, I mean, I think I'm remembering the reason I killed her in the first place- OH! I gotta go, bye!" Itachi said quickly, leaving the stage.

"……… DEIDARA!! GET DOWN HERE!!" Kisame called up to the lights.

"I'm sorry man! I work the lights! And plus there's no ladder- AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Deidara was pulled down by a rope.

"So… will you please announce questions?" Kisame asked. "YOU PULLED ME DOWN FROM 10 FEET UP JUST TO DO THAT!? YEAH!?" Deidara yelled. "I AM STILL HUMAN!! I CAN DIE FROM THAT!! YEAH!!" Deidara continued. "Aw man… you are getting me SO angry…" He muttered. "Fine, I'll read the questions… freakin'…" Deidara murmured, walking to the chair.

**Diedara, how do u feel about Shniz?**

DEIDARA: Well, Shniz… he's better than Tobi, that's for sure… Well… they're about the same. Shniz is ok and all… but he gives me gifts like… every 5 seconds. –box hits Deidara's head- OW- hm… it's from Shniz. –opens it- Oh wow… another sketch book. I'll just put it here, with the other 56, 345!! Anyway, yeah-another box hits head- GAH! WHAT- SHNIZ! YOU FORGOT TO WRAP THIS ONE!!

ITACHI: That one was from me.

KISAME: I THOUGHT YOU LEFT!!

ITACHI: I thought you were smarter. I LIED.

DEIDARA: GAH!! IT'S A FREAKIN' ROCK!!

ITACHI: I know.

KISAME: N-NEXT QUESTION!!

**Kisame, what is better, pokemon or yugi-oh?**

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: THEY BOTH SUCK!! POKEMON DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP, I MEAN, IT'S JUST THE ANIMATED VERSION OF COCK FIGHTS ONLY WITH CUTE CUDDLY MONSTERS!!

DEIDARA: YEAH!!

KISAME: AND YU-GI-OH IS LAME!! **LAME!!** I MEAN, IF A THUG WALKS UP TO HIM AND SAYD, "YOU ANNOY THE HELL OUTTA ME! I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP!" YOU DON'T COWER AWAY, YOU PULL OUT A CARD! "I SUMMON- punch-" THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS!! GOD!! FREAKIN MORONS!!

ME: Sorry for any offenses made…

KISAME; GAH!! NEXT QUESTION!!

**What's your opinion on FullMetal Alchemist?**

**From: purplenekomata**

KISAME: Yes, what's YOUR opinion, ITACHI!?

ITACHI: … huh? OH!! So I kill ONE guy in that anime, and immediately I'm getting burned for it!

KISAME: MILLIONS OF FANS CRIED, ITACHI, **CRIED.**

ITACHI: AND I CARE… WHY!?

DEIDARA: YOU INSENSITIVE JERK!!

KISAME: HE'S DEAD MAN!!

ITACHI: OH AND YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE UCHIHAS!? OH I FEEL LOVED!!

KISAME: YOU KILLED THEM!!

DEIDARA: I think we've… sorta… ignored the question…

KISAME AND ITACHI: SHUT UP!!

KISAME: FMA'S AN AWESOME ANIME OK!? NEXT!!

DEIDARA: That's all.

KISAME: what?

DEIDARA: No more questions. Now could you take more care of answering that last one so that me FALLING FROM 10 FEET UP won't be worthless!?

KISAME: Hey, I said it was awesome! Anyway, here's a sneak peak at the 3rd chapter of Rise of the Shniz!

"Ok mister Sasori… we're going to inject the needle in here… which shouldn't kill you and leave you a rotting corpse in the hospital." DF said in a doctors outfit. "Uh… I Hate needles." Sasori said. "What?" DF asked. "I don't like needles… can I get a pill for this kind of thing?" Sasori asked. "N-no… look dude, The needle's HERE. I'm not gonna walk all the way down there to get a pill." DF said angrily, looking at Shniz, who was dressed as another doctor. "And… Why is Shniz here?" Sasori asked. "SH-SH-SHNIZ!? WHO'S THAT!? THIS IS… THIS IS… THIS IS DOCTOR… DOCTOR… uhm…Zn…ZINSH!!YEAH!! ZINSH!!" DF said snapping his fingers. "Ook… so… just get me that pill." Sasori said. "NO!! I'M INJECTING YOU HERE AND NOW!!" DF struggled to inject the poison into Sasori, who managed to make DF inject himself with the poison. "Ah! Oh… dammit…" DF said.

"Yeah, so… get me that pill." Sasori said.

WILL DF DIE!?

WILL SASORI BE THE FIRST VICTIM OF AKATSUKIS PLANNED DEMISE!?

AND IS TOBI GETTING SOME BRAINS FROM HATING SHNIZ!?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF "AKATSUKI: RISE OF THE SHNIZ"!!!

DF: aw… that hurt… SHNIZ- I MEAN ZINSH!! GET THE ANTIDOTE- I MEAN… ANTI… ANTI… WHATEVER THIS IS!! JUST GET ME THE CURE MAN!!

SHNIZ- I MEAN ZINSH: There's no cure.

DF: WHAT!?


	2. EPISODE 2: Rumors lol

**Kisame's Corner**

KISAME: Hello everybody!! Welcome to Kisame's corner! It turns out that this fic isn't as big a hit than I thought it would be…I guess I answered everyone's questions in Attack of the Tobi…

Anyways… In order for the ratings to go up… I've decided to talk about other Naruto characters besides me. And today's guest is the one and only, Naruto Uzumaki!!

NARUTO: Huh? Where Am I DATTEBAYO!!!

KISAME: Uh… you're on the show remember?

NARUTO: YOU KNOCKED ME OUT AND BROUGHT ME HERE DATTEBAYO!!

KISAME: You're on national television…!

NARUTO: Really!? HI DAD!! DATTEBAYO!!

IN THE LEADER'S ROOM

LEADER: Oh shit…!

-Runs out of room to knock out Naruto and throw him out the window-

NARUTO: OMG! HI DA- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

KISAME: That was my one guest! Why'd you throw him out the window!?

LEADER: Dude, I cannot have my son here telling people that I am working for Akatsuki or things will get BAD.

KISAME: Don't you rule Akatsuki?

LEADER: This country's Akatsuki…

KISAME: This country's…?

LEADER: Yes, Kisame. There's an American Akatsuki, an English Akatsuki, An AUSTRALIAN Akatsuki! And even a Mexican Akatsuki!

ITACHI: So that means…

LEADER: That there's a Mexican Tobi, an Australian Tobi… I have Mexican Tobi on the phone right now He won't stop calling me!

Mexican Tobi: TOBI –is a good boy in Spanish in an annoying voice-

LEADER: -hangs up- ARGH!!

ITACHI: So… when Tobi went all cloned himself and took over the world like, why didn't we call them?

LEADER: BECAUSE WHEN OUR TOBI CLONED HIMSELF, THE OTHERS DID TOO!! THEN THINGS GOT ALL BAAAAAAAAAADDD!!!

KISAME: So… there's probably an Italian Shniz…

LEADER: Probably…

ITACHI: And a Spanish Kisame's Corner…

DEIDARA: AND MORE THAN ONE ME!? I… don't feel special anymore…

LEADER: Yes. Shouldn't you guys be making my money by making the show? You're not getting paid to stand around finding out that there's more than one of you.

ITACHI: We don't get paid at all.

KAKUZU: WHAT!?

LEADER: That's right Kakuzu, YOU'RE POOR!! 

KAKUZU: -blows up-

-guts fly-

LEADER: OH!! THERE HE GOES AGAIN!!

DEIDARA: -walks in- I'M READY FOR MY DATE!! –guts land on cloak- … this is my best cloak… WHY!?

KISAME: Hey, we should throw Kakuzu at the enemy and say he's poor! Then he'll blow up in their faces!

LEADER: WHAT ENEMIES!? THEY WERE ALL HOLDING BACK!!

KISAME: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! You know what!? Let's just get back to the show!!

ITACHI: We're still in Kisame's corner?

KISAME: YES!! LOOKE AT THE LOGO!!

LOGO: -the 'e' and 'r' at the end of 'corner' fell on Tobi-

TOBI: TOBI'S A VERY INJURED BOY!!

KISAME: OH GREAT!! –jumps on the 'er' which was on top of Tobi- NOW IT'S JUST KISAME'S CORN!!

TOBI: K-Kisame-san!!

KISAME: WHAT!?

TOBI: G-get off… please…!

KISAME: GAAAAAAAAAHHH!! LET'S JUST ANSWER QUESTIONS!!

FIRST ONE!!

**Kisame, why do you fight with a giant Tampon?**

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

KISAME: It's.. It's NOT A TAMPON!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

ITACHI: Well. I haven't seen Kisame cry this much since Attack of the Tobi. Nice Job. –thumbs up-

DEIDARA: That thumbs up thing is outta date, you know that, right?

ITACHI: It is…? 

DEIDARA: People constantly overuse it when they don't have real lives.

ITACHI: -hides thumb-

DEIDARA: Next question.

**Why in hell do you even put up with the rest of the Akatsuki member's crap?**

**From: FearTheFan**

LEADER: Hello again, FearTheFan –I'm actually starting to fear you…- Oh did that come out of my mouth? That was supposed to stay in my mind. BAD MOUTH. Anyways the reason I put up with the Akatsuki members is because they're the only ones who work for no pay.

KAKUZU: NO PAY!?

LEADER: THAT'S RIGHT KAKUZU, NO PAY!!

KAKUZU: -blows up- (again)

DEIDARA: IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO CLEAN, BUT MY CLOAKS FINALLY- -guts spill on Deidara's cloak- Dirty again… -sigh- do you know how expensive it is to have ACTUAL GOLD to border the clouds instead of white on this thing? YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES!! HMPH!! –Runs off-

LEADER: well… there goes our co-host… and Kisame's in a fetal position!

KISAME: It's not… a tampon…

LEADER: -sigh- Sasori! new co-host!

SASORI: Wha-

LEADER: NOW!!

SASORI: -sits down immediately- Welcome to Kisame's Corner! I'm the new co-host Sasori!

LEADER: That's better! HMPH!!

SASORI: Our next question IS…!! –in an annoying talk show hosty voice-

LEADER: You're getting a little TOO into this Sasori-

SASORI: -you asked me so I'm DOING THIS!-

OUR NEXT QUESTION IS!!

**Boxers or Briefs?**

**From: Two Yaoi Loving Nekos**

ALL: …………………………………………………………………………

ITACHI: Uh… based on your name… I don't want to know the reason BEHIND the question, nor am I comfortable answering. But if you must know, **BOXERS.**

Why'd you put that in bold!?

Anyone else?

ALL: -runs out of room-

ITACHI: OKAY!! FINE!! RUN!! LEAVE ME TO DO ALL THE WORK!! MIGHT AS WELL CALL IT ITACHI'S CORNER!!

-logo for Kisame's Corner falls down-

ITACHI: OH MY GOD NO I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!

DEIDARA: Oh FINE!! I'll just put this back up and steal from other billboards so this logo doesn't LOOK LIKE SHIT!! –freaking' illegal yeah…-

ITACHI: ………… next question. PLEASE!

**Okay...(trying very hard to control temper)Kisame...(pulls out a few kunai) is there any particular reason WHY Sasori almost died?! And you better give me a good answer before I try to kill someone...**

**From: nekomaniac13**

KISAME: Um… that's… life…? I mean, face it. Villains always die. Why is that!?

ITACHI: Maybe it's because we're… evil…? And we do… despicable stuff. Carma comes fast.

KISAME: You know what? SHUT UP. Ok!? Look, I know that we do some pretty evil stuff but… erm… um… y-you know what!? In order to increase our chances of living, I propose we turn into good guys! Who's with me!? –raises hand-

TOBI: Tobi's a… good boy.

KISAME: THAT'S THE SPIRIT TOBI!! I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE YOU ALREADY!! 

TOBI: You mean you didn't like me before?

KISAME: Well, back then you were stupid, retarded and… dumb. But this could be the beginning of a beautiful… acquaintanceship.

TOBI: Really!? DEIDARA-SENPAI!! I'VE MOVED UP!!

DEIDARA: Shut up Tobi. I still hate you.

TOBI: Eh…

ITACHI: But… being evil is fun.

KISAME: Fun? I'll tell you what's fun! NOT DYING'S FUN!!!

ITACHI: But… being evil also makes us hot.

KISAME: Really!?

ITACHI: Right guys? –to audience-

ALL: YEAH!! WOO HOO!! ALRIGHT!!!

YEAH!!

KISAME: Oh… well… damn what was I thinking. I'd rather be hot and dead than good and wimpy.We're staying evil!

TOBI: ok Kisame-san! I'm ready to become a good guy now!

KISAME: TOBI WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!

TOBI: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

KISAME: 'das right bitch!! NEXT QUESTION!!

**Why does Deidara say "yeah" at the end of his Sentences?**

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

DEIDARA: Well… -asks all to leave room- I only share this information with people I like! And I don't like any of you that much! So GO LEAVE!!

ALL: Aww… -leave-

DEIDARA: TOBI!! YOU TOO!! AND HIDING UNDER MY CHAIR IS SO OBVIOUS IT'S PAINFUL!! GET OUT!! YEAH!!

TOBI: Aww… whas so special about Shniz anyway…

DEI: Anyway… I say yeah at the end of my sentences because- -present hits his head and knocks him out-

SHNIZ: HELLO DEIDARA-SENPAI!!

YOU: YOU JACKASS!! YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT BEFORE HE COULD TELL ME!!

SHNIZ: oh… sorr- you punch Shniz-

TOBI: NEXT QUESTION!!

**Ok... sorry 'bout my last question. Well, what do you guys think of 'Bleach' then? And I'm not talking about the cleaning detergent.**

**From: purplenekomata**

KISAME: Bleach… well… it's pretty cool. Except for BYAKUYA!! HE FREAKIN PUNCHED ME IN ATTACK OF THE TOBI!!! ARGH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

BYAKUYA: -out of nowhere- WANT SOME MORE OF THIS PUNK!?

RENJI: No man, it's not worth it!

BYAKUYA: LET GO OF ME RENJI!! I'LL BEAT HIS FACE IN!! –waving fist-

RENJI: YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!! WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET HIM AGAIN!?

BYAKUYA: HE MESSED UP THE CAR WE BORROWED FROM ICHIMARU!! MAN HE'S GONNA BE PISSED!!

KISAME: OK FINE! YOU WANNA GO!? LET'S GO!!

-fight begins-

**BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!**

LEADER: -coughing- see ya next chapter… or in Rise of Shniz… -passes out-

ITACHI: Leader… I have one last question…

LEADER: WHAT NOW!?

ITACHI: If you're the fourth Hokage… why don't you look like him?

LEADER: Because I'm one of his failed clones…

ITACHI: woah… that's deep.

**TBC**

ME: just playing with all the rumors going around.


	3. EPISODE 3: Tobi's Talkshow?

**Tobi's Talkshow**

KISAME: CHANGE THAT LOGO!!

TOBI: AWW!!! BUT I LIKE IT-

KISAME: BUT NOTHING!! CHANGE THE LOGO OR I'LL CHANGE YOUR FACE!!

Tobi: but-

KISAME: DON'T BACKSASS ME!!

TOBI: STOP YELLING! I'M RIGHT HERE!

KISAME: I'LL STOP YELLING WHEN I WANT TO!! NOW CHANGE IT!!

TOBI: Fine… -dick-

KISAME: WHAT WAS THAT!?

TOBI: Nothing oh mighty leader of Kisame's Corner…

LEADER: What's that I hear about Kisame being the leader!?

TOBI: Nothing… asses…

**Kisame's Corner NOT TOBI'S TALKSHOW**

KISAME: Let's skip to the questions because I am BORED and FRUSTRATED right now. Our special guest now is… Flower-chan! Flower-chan where are you?

FLOWER-CHAN: You're SITTING on me.

KISAME: Oh! Ahahaha I'm sorry Ahaha… PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

FLOWER-CHAN: Why can't I be more noticeable!?

KISAME: Because you haven't been revealed yet.

FLOWER-CHAN: Well I wanna be noticed! –tries to rip off shadow skin- AARGH!! WHY CAN'T I REMOVE THIS FLOWER-SKIN!?

KISAME: What did I say… Nothing but a pawn until revealed.

FLOWER-CHAN: IT'S TRUUUUUEE!!! WAAAAHHH!!!

LEADER: Aww… you're not a pawn… You happy now Kisame you made my partner cry! Let's go back to the base…

KISAME: Uh… maybe I could…

LEADER: You've done enough.

KISAME: …Itachi!! Hey buddy!! Why don't you give that Mangekyou a break and sit here on the show!!

ITACHI: -glare-

KISAME: Aw… come on… just this once?

TOBI: -turns on spotlights on accident-

ITACHI: AAAAAHH!!! THE LIGHT IT BURNS!!! AHHHH!!! MY EYES!!!

KISAME: Uh… let's just answer questions… -forces smile- before someone gets fatally injured… and we get sued…

**what are your favorite songs? oh, and if you don't wanna answer that one, then here's the substitute: which deadly sin would you be?**

**From: SlightlyBroken**

KISAME: Favorite song… Favorite song… Blue (dab a deed a ba da) that one.

DEIDARA: -swinging in from a wire- KING OF SPAIN!! (moxy Fruvous)

ITACHI: Crawling By Linkin Park.

ZETSU: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh any song relating to food.

KAKUZU: That payday song by NSYNC..

HIDAN: You like NSYNC?

KAKUZU; Just that one song! What's yours?

HIDAN: So Cold by Breaking Benjamin

SASORI: My song would be… uh… Innocent Sorrow from D.Gray man.

KISAME: Leader what's yours?

LEADER: Can't you see I'm trying to comfort my partner!? Anyway… That'd be Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park

FLOWER-CHAN: -sob shouting- PIECES BY SUM 41!!

TOBI: The Barney

ALL: -raise guns-

TOBI: SOMEWHERE I BELONG BY LINKIN PARK!! PLEASE ACCEPT IT!!

ALL: -lower guns-

TOBI: -whispers- The barney song

KISAME: And we'll answer the other one too… I don't have one.

ITACHI: Wrath

LEADER: Pride

FLOWER-CHAN: Sloth

KISAME: You're still a pawn!

FLOWER-CHAN: WAAAAAH!!!

KISAME: -so fun-

DEIDARA: Um… Pride

SASORI: Same.

ZETSU: Gluttony.

TOBI: Uhhhhh……

DEIDARA: If there's one for stupidity you'd be that.

HIDAN: Pride

KAKUZU: Greed. No question.

TOBI: uuuuuuhhhhhh…..

SHNIZ: Uh… Tobi-senpai you can stop now…

TOBI: I'M THINKING SHNIZ!!

KISAME: Let's move on.

**Kisame what do you think is better sharingan or byakugan?**

**From: Fire Ninja1**

KISAME: -looks at Itachi- uh… Sharingan.

ITACHI: -nods-

KISAME: …next –but I think Byakugan is cool too-

**Me: Sorry Kisame for making you depressed!  
And just to make it up to you I have a few questions for Hidan.  
What made you decide to join Jashinism and why do you hate the leader? besides the fact he never has shown his identity like the pansy he is Also how old are you being immortal and all?**

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

KISAME: It's oookkk…

HIDAN: JASHINISM FOREVUR!!! GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And I hate the leader because he IS a pansy for not showing himself. I mean I've known him for a long time! And I don't even know who he is! The nerve! And how old I am… I don't know. It's been a long time since my last birthday.

KAKUZU: Hidan you're not making sense.

HIDAN: You know what doesn't make sense!? Me and Kakuzu are dead! Why are we here!?

KAKUZU: Don't you remember? Satan hates us. So he sent us back here.

HIDAN: ….. damn.

KISAME: next.

**What kind of cup do you like better: Paper or Plastic? And I'm glad that you're starting to fear FearTheFan, she's my sister**.

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

KISAME: Paper it's cheaper next.

**Kisame-kun why are you a fishy?  
Itachi-kun do you dislike President Bush?  
Dei-kun would you rather wear drag or sing an opera with Michael Jackson?  
Leader-kun how many hours does it take to get your hair spiky?  
Tobi-kun do you like bunnies?  
Sasori-kun woud you have a crush on Deidara if he was a girl?  
Zetsu-since you are a cannibal do you prefer eating men or women?**

**From: Two Yaoi Loving Nekos**

KISAME: You again huh? I was born this way.

ITACHI: I hate everybody.

DEIDARA: I'd rather do something I really hate with Tobi than do something I Really Really LIKE with Michael Jackson.

SASORI: So you're saying you like Opera?

DEIDARA: Shut UP.

LEADER: um… about 3…?

TOBI: I LOVE-

ALL: -raise guns-

TOBI: uh… I HATE THEM!! I SQUISH THEM!! –whispers- I love them-

Sasori: O.O uh, no.

ZETSU: Women are easier to chew. But I usually do the old 'dragged into a dark alleyway like a monster' thing. The usual… watching them scream…

ALL: O.O

KISAME: …N-next…

**Why does Tobi wear a mask that looks like a thumbprint??**

(i have always wanted to call him a walking thumbprint)

**From: XxKimimaro's-little-stalker…**

DEIDARA: Oh I wanna answer this one… Tobi wears a mask because-

TOBI: -rams into Deidara- DON'T SAY IT!!!

DEIDARA: -slams into a wall-

TOBI: Did I just do what I think I did…?

DEIDARA: WHAT THE HELL MAN!?

TOBI: IT'S TOO EMBARASSING!! And it'll ruin the whole story…

ALL: Oh you can tell your ol' pal national television!

DEIDARA: -kicks Tobi into wall- HAH!

ITACHI: -punches Deidara- Tobi was about to reveal his big secret.

ALL: -bar fight mode- aaaaaahhhhh!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!

KISAME; N-next… please…

**did tobi get speach theropy or somethin. he's almost talking like a normal person -whatever normal is-**

**From: FearTheFan**

Kisame; Actually, yes. Hidan taught him how to speak, and Deidara did the motivational device.

DEIDARA: In other words, I whacked him with a stick until he got it right! –raises stick- Tobi!! Time for lesson 2!!

HIDAN: He's improved greatly. Tobi come here, the next line is…

TOBI: I can't say that! It's too mean! –gets whacked again-

DEIDARA: SAY IT!!

TOBI: BUT-

DEIDARA: DO YOU WANT ME TO SWITCH TO METAL BATS!?

TOBI: HELP ME!! I'M BEING ABUSED!!

KISAME: yeah yeah of course you are…

TOBI: HEEEEEEEEELP!!!

DEIDARA: Not what I wanna hear…

TOBI: UWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

KISAME: See ya next time folks! LET ME HELP!!

-screen fades to black as everyone chases Tobi-**  
**


	4. EPISODE 4 SURVIVAL WEEK ARC

**Kisame's Corner**

**Survival Week Special**

_Script mode_

KISAME: Hey everyone! Welcome to Kisame's Corner! Let's get to answering questions!

_Dramatic Pause_

TOBI: Why aren't you talking anymore?

KISAME: I seem to be dramatically pausing for some-

DEIDARA: KISAME!! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!

KISAME: We ran out of food!?

DEIDARA: WE NEVER HAD ANY REAL FOOD FOR 3 YEARS MORON!!

KISAME: Okay, okay just calm down…

DEIDARA: I AM CALM!!

KISAME: Fine! Just tell me what's wrong.

DEIDARA: It's… survival week…

KISAME: You're joking. IT'S SURVIVAL WEEEEEK!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

TOBI: Kisame-san, what's Survival week?

KISAME: It's the time of year when the leader goes on vacation with Flower-chan, leaving the base in our care. But there's a catch. He rigged everything with traps and pranks. You know, to test our skills and crap.

TOBI: SO HE'S TRYING TO KILL US!?

KISAME: Last year we lost 5 new recruits. It was their first day too… –sob-

DEIDARA: They're on that memorial wall over there.

TOBI: -looks at the wall

**Unknown Recruit 1-5**

**TOBI?**

TOBI: Why's my name on there?

DEIDARA: We had a place reserved for you because we knew you wouldn't make it through this week.

TOBI: …eep.

DEIDARA: That's right Tobi, eep.

KISAME: Hey Deidara, shouldn't you warn Hinata not to come to the base today?

DEIDARA: Oh don't worry; I left a few messages warning her not to come.

AT HINATA'S HOUSE

_You have 50 new messages_

HINATA: What!?

_First message_: Hey, Hinata! It's me, Deidara! Listen I just want to tell you to stay away from the base this week because it's… survival week and… we're locked in and… just don't come.

_Second Message:_ Hey it's Deidara just don't want you to come to the base this week!

_Third message_: Hey! It's Deidara…

HINATA: -sighs and sits down-

WITH AKATSUKI

_Normal mode_

"Ok! Head count!" Kisame called. "Idiot, Servant, Ponytail, Scary, Money, Plant, Fish," Kisame looked around. "Murder? Where's Murder!?" He asked, referring to Hidan. "I found this note in his room." Kakuzu said, giving him the note.

_Dear Akatsukis,_

_I have taken apart Hidan and hidden him across the base. Have fun finding him!  
_

_The leader_

"Does that mean… his balls are…?" Tobi wondered.

_P.S. the underwear's still on._

Everyone sighed in relief.

"Okay, what now?" Kisame asked. "We'll test each and every food we have for traps and poison!" Zetsu suggested. "Then what food will we have left?" Kisame asked. "… We'll eat each other!" Zetsu responded. "No." Everyone said in unison.

"Where will we hide then?" Kisame said.

"The basement!" Tobi suggested. "No. It's too obvious." Deidara said.

"The basement!" Shniz said. "Great idea Shniz! It's so obvious the leader won't suspect us to hide there! Let's go!" Deidara said. "Aw man…" Tobi said.

IN THE BASEMENT

"Okay Kisame, we have barricaded the door. You can answer questions now." Deidara said. "Where's Itachi?" Kisame asked. "We'll look for him." Deidara said, taking Sasori, Shniz, and Tobi with him. "Shouldn't the new guys stay here?" Tobi asked. "No, no..." Deidara laughed. "You're going to be our human meat shields." Deidara finished, smiling. "Let's go!" Sasori said.

_Script mode_

KISAME: Ok… first question.

**OK! MY QUESTION(s) IS (are)!  
Kisame: do you like shark soup? I do. It's tasty  
Itachi-kun: if you going blind, is it hard for you to have s--mouth is covered by imaginary friend  
Tobi: ...why are you such a pussy? I mean, WHO DA !#$ LIKES BARNEY!?!?!? and you know bunnies have lots of kids, so that means lots of s--mouth covered once again by imaginary friend  
Sasori:sense you mad yourself a puppet, dose that mean ALL of you is wood? if, you know what i mean...  
Deidara: What else do you do with the mouths in you hands, hm? wink wink**

ALL: did I ruin you're minds just then!?!  
Zetsu:...do you hate fire, sense your a plant thingy and all?  
Oh, and Kisame...IT IS A TAMPON! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

KISAME: Shark soup… Are you accusing me of CANNIBALISM!?

ZETSU: -glare-

KISAME: Not that it's wrong!!! Please don't eat me. Anyway… I'll text your message to Itachi. Hey! He sent me a video! That was fast!

"AAHH!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!! HELP ME-" Itachi was dragged in by a long tentacle into the shadows.

KISAME: Hmm… that's bad. Tobi! I'm texting you your question!

TOBI'S TEXT: HEEEEEEELP US!!! HELP US!! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY SOME KIND OF… THING!!! And bring some nachos. I like nachos.

KISAME'S TEXT: Tobi, if you are physically able, tell us the answer to the question.

TOBI'S TEXT: I'm sorry, the line you have text'd is now unavailable.

KISAME: Well he's dead. Next is Sasori. Oh wait, he sent me a message instead. "help me help me for the love of god help me, I cannot hold this thing back any longer for the love of god help me."…. well. "P.S. And no that part of me is not made out of wood and it is very uncomfortable…I can't believe my last words embarrassed me on national television." What an oddly specific text message. I'll send Deidara's question…

DEIDARA'S TEXT: Help me! I've been separated from the others and now I don't know were I am! Oh and… Oh my god you freaking sicko! What's wrong with you!? Is my answer to your question. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run away from something creeping behind me. AAAAAHHH-

KISAME: … Ok! Next one's for you Zetsu!

ZETSU: Yes I am. I don't even go in the kitchen.

KISAME: How about all those times I saw you in the fridge.

ZETSU: Duuuh!! The fridge is nowhere near the stove!

KISAME: Oh yeah. Why do we have it in the hallway?

ZETSU: I don't know, Design flaw? Oh and I found Hidan's head. He was stuck in one of my leaves. I don't know why I didn't hear his screams of help before.

HIDAN: 'bout time you noticed!!

KISAME: Do you know where Itachi is?

HIDAN: he's being attacked by a green slime monster. And that same monster cut off power to floors 5-672.

KISAME: How many floors do we have?

HIDAN: I don't know! I didn't even know we had a 5th floor!

KISAME: Ok… in the time being, I'll answer as many questions as I can.

**Hey Kisame! I love your recent work. Very nice.**

Do you agree with Baudrillard's assertion that modern culture is a holographic simulacrum, long divorced from any kind of concrete signified source?

**From: Evil Riggs**

ALL: -looks at big words- Too… many… big words! –blows up.

LEADER: -hologram appears- Did I miss something- HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!? I left like 2 hours ago and already… you're torn to pieces. If I'm paying you guys more than $5 then… I'm gonna kill something. Really.

KISAME'S REMAINS: Look at the question…

LEADER: -looks at question- I'm gonna go on a limb here and guess this means 'do you think humanity is real?' And, I think, yes, because, I'm here… Kisame's here… Zetsu's here, and Tobi is, unfortunately here. And if you've SUFFERED the torture I've been through, you will know it is real, and that it is bad.

ALL: -stare in amazement-

LEADER: What? You guys thought I was an idiot like you? HA! I organized this organization and kept it running all this time, dispite the numerous financial, physical, emotional, and mental hardships in our way. I'm way smarter than any of you.

ZETSU'S REMAINS: he's got a point. Next question.

**Why are most of you so funny-looking? I mean really.  
And why do you all want to be evil? I mean, sure the bad guys usually have much cooler costumes, but they always lose.  
Hn... Maybe fashion /is/ everything...  
-mutters to self-**

**From: corrupt justice**

KISAME: Funny… looking? YOU _ARE _CORRUPT!! We're just deformed! Wait… I mean… this ain't helping me!!

KAKUZU: I got a text message from Itachi. Why he sent it to me and not you, I don't know. But is says 'Fashion IS everything.' How'd he know about the question.

KISAME: HE HAS THE GIFT!!

KAKUZU: What gift? Maybe he's just saying it as his last words…

ALL: ……… Fashion is everything… -eyes grow huge and creepy-

KISAME: -steps forward- next… question –eyes still big and creepy-

**(To all of akatsuki) if u had a choice between killing a member of the akatsuki or falling into a well that leads to happy fun time world of barney and his dino pals, which would u choose. and if u were to kill someone what would u use for there death?**

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: hey, I got another text message from Itachi: I would kill another Akatsuki member. And that Akatsuki member would be whoever looks into my eyes.

ALL: The first option.

KAKUZU: why does Itachi know all our questions?

KISAME: Maybe…

KAKUZU: Yes?

KISAME: Maybe… Itachi died… and now his soul possessed all of our phones!

KAKUZU: Kisame. That's just stupid-

KISAME: Another text message. 'You finally get it, after the 56 messages I left you. What happened?' …I thought you were joking!

ITACHI'S TEXT: When do I joke?

KISAME: …When you told me you _weren't _Planning my death…?

ITACHI'S TEXT: That was a lie. There's a fine line between lies and jokes.

KISAME: Well… how did you die?

ITACHI'S TEXT: I don't know. It happened so fast… One minute I was looking for supplies, the next, I'm living in your cell phone.

KISAME: That's weird.

ITACHI'S TEXT: Believe me, it is beyond weird.

KISAME: Hmm… You seem pretty calm.

ITACHI'S TEXT: That's just the message. No amount of emotes, capital letters, or swears I put into a text message will describe how furious I am at the leader for putting me in this position.

KISAME: OH. Next question.

**yay! i'm happy. okay, another question for everyone (cuz i don't like leavin people out) if you had to put on a play, what play would it be?**

**From: SlightlyBroken**

ITACHI'S TEXT: I have loads of plays in mind. One involves lots of gore, blood, and guts. And the characters have to be actual enemies and… people have to actually die. I call it: "Blood and Guts"

KISAME: That's a horrible outline for a play.

ITACHI'S TEXT: Well then you'll hate my next one. It involves you dressing up as the tooth fairy, bashing into various props without any regard for your safety.

KISAME: That's not a play! That's you getting pleasure out of my misery!

ITACHI'S TEXT: That's why I called it, "Kisame's misery; Itachi's Joy Starring: ME! AS THE MAIN HERO! And Kisame, the guy that gets killed off in the end! I also wrote several books about-

KISAME: -closes cell phone- let's move on.

**Kisame, are you dating or married?**

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

KISAME: Wish I was dating, don't want to get married.

HIDAN: Commitment issues… 

KISAME: Shut up Hidan, Okay- cell phone vibrates- What?

ITACHI'S TEXT: -censored for anger swearing-

KISAME: Wow…

HIDAN: What?

KISAME; Itachi swears so much that it puts you to shame. Seriously. Next question.

**Ha! I'm a fellow Jashinist we!  
Hm...Question for all what are your individual reasons for joining Akatsuki? (besides dei-chan being a terrorist)  
Anywho update soon! -glomps Hidan- **

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

HIDAN: I've been reduced to a head… stop humiliating me! How'd you get in here!? Isn't Tobi supposed to be manning the anti-fangirl/boy shield?

KISAME: Shield? He's just holding up a sign saying 'keep out PS Tobi's a good boy'. I swear, if that 'defense' cost more than 5 cents I'm killing myself! Oh right… the question. I joined because… I told you guys in the fanfiction that started this whole fiasco: Kisame's Forst Few Days At Akatsuki. Read it.

ZETSU: I wanted to eat things.

KAKUZU: I heard I'd be paid. –eyes grow big and creepy- THEY LIED. –blinks-

HIDAN: I wanted to kill things… -sighs- Good times…

ITACHI'S TEXT: Nowhere else to go. God I suck…

SASORI'S TEXT: HEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEE!!!! And I joined because… out of curiosity.

TOBI'S TEXT: I thought they were superheros. I was wrong.

SHNIZ'S TEXT: I was forced to by Xemnas.

TOBI'S TEXT: THERE!! THE PROOF I NEED!! YOU SEE!?

KISAME: Sorry, wasn't reading.

TOBI'S TEXT: AAAAAHHH!!!

SHNIZ'S TEXT: Anyway… I followed Tobi-senpai here.

TOBI'S TEXT: YOU LIAR!!

KISAME: next question.

LEADER'S TEXT: Read Kisame's First few Days at Akatsuki. The answer is in there somewhere…

FLOWER-CHAN'S TEXT: Forced to.

KISAME: Okay, seriously, you're filling up my inbox. I'm turning it off.

ITACHI: DON'T TURN IT OFF!!

KISAME: Hmm… I wonder what happens when I turn it off…

IN KISAME'S PHONE

Itachi's in a fetal position. "So dark… cold… no feeling… ……… Just like home… and dad. And mom on certain days…" He murmured.

BACK AT AKATSUKI BASE

KISAME; Oh well…

KAKUZU: Okay, I'm getting text messages from other Akatsukis that they're lost. We're getting lost in our own base… what's wrong with us- okay. Who just text'd me that I was a douche bag?

ITACHI'S TEXT: -laughing emote-

KAKUZU: Nice…

KISAME: Next question.

**Omg I definatly lmao in this chapter. ok, time for questions;**

Kisame: if I told you that I had about your height, could kick ass hard, and get Tobi to shut up, would you go out with her?  
Itachi: If you had to have a choice of choosing a pet, what would it be? A cute, fluffy, carnivorous, alien bunny or meatloaf?  
Tobi: Why are you a good boy?  
Deidara: i already love someone else on the show that you guys haven't mentioned, but I still think you're hot:3

From: Lostheart480

KISAME: uh… no.

HIDAN: Commitment issues…

KISAME: SHUT UP HIDAN!!

ITACHI'S TEXT (Kakuzu's cell): Kisame'! Don't EVER turn off your cell phone again! It's dark in there…

KAKUZU: like you're mom's brain after she got resurrected?

ITACHI'S TEXT; Exactly. Anyway, I'd choose the meatloaf. I couldn't last 5 minutes with that bunny! Either IT would kill ME with it's cuteness, or I will kill IT in a blinding fit of rage.

TOBI'S TEXT: Tobi's a good boy because tobi's a good boy. GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?

ALL: Woah. I've never seen Tobi that mad before.

DEIDARA'S TEXT: Uh… thanks for the compliment. Next question.

LEADER HOLOGRAM: Are you talking about me? (assuming you're a girl here)

FLOWER-CHAN: -pulls leader by the ear-

LEADER; Ow! I'm sorry! God, you know I'm joking!

KISAME: Next-

**BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM**

KISAME: OH MY GOD!!

HIDAN: AN EXPLOSION!?

KAKUZU: Where did that come from!?

**BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM**

TOBI (through door): HEEEEEEELP!! HEEELP!! THE FANGIRLS BROKE THROUGH THE BARRIER!!

KISAME: YOU MEAN YOU!?

KAKUZU: BUT YOU WERE OUR SHIELD!!

TOBI: I'M JUST A KID!! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT A WHORD OF FANGIRLS!?

KISAME: The kid's right.

HIDAN: How do we know you're the real Tobi?

TOBI: WHAT!?

HIDAN: I mean, you could be a trap set by the leader!

TOBI: I'M NOT A TRAP!! COME ON THEY'RE COMING!! WAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

KISAME: Yeah, that's definitely Tobi, let him in.

TOBI: THANK YOU!! OH MY GOOODDD!!! –clings to Kisame-

KISAME: get off of me!! Anyway, where are Deidara, Sasori, and Shniz?

TOBI: Oh, we got separated the second we stepped in the hallway.

KISAME: What!? How!?

TOBI: I think the leader's traps caused the Transformers movie!

KISAME: What!?

TOBI; And there was this huge battle, like bigger than the Lord of the Rings one!

KISAME: That big!? And we missed it!?

TOBI: Yup, but unfortunately, we got in the middle of it and… Shniz got captured and Deidara and Sasori went somewhere else.

KAKUZU: I got a text message. From Deidara.

DEIDARA'S TEXT: Help? Please? Oh god… it's every where… Everywhere… we managed to get Shniz back… but he thought the sewers we were hiding in was a trail leading to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory… and started eating like crazy… He's been barfing for the past three hours… please send help… oh god it's… it's everywhere!!

ALL: O.O

KISAME; My god..

TOBI: THAT IDIOT!!

KISAME: Kisame's Corner has become an official fanfiction. Most or All questions shall be delayed until… we find a better hiding spots. So the Chapter 3 questions will be answered… eventually. So don't ask anything until then. Thank you for your time.

TOBI: Basically, what he's saying is, the author and her editor will be taking a break from the questions, and focusing on mindless, random, violent, comedy. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHNIZ DID THAT!! THE IDIOT!!

KAKUZU: There is also artwork of Rise of the Shniz on Deviant ART. Look on her profile to see.

HIDAN: Guys, we're trying to save our friends, not advertise.

KISAME: Friends? I wouldn't call ourselves friends… more like colleagues and-

HIDAN: MOVE!!


	5. EPISODE 5: Survival Week Days 2 and 3

**Kisame's Corner**

Day 2 and 3

_Normal mode_

Kisame took out a camera. "Hello… My name's Kisame Hoshigaki… to any future Akatsukis who might see this… DON'T LEAVE YOUR STUFF ABOVE THE 5TH FLOOR!!" He said, turning off the camera. "Kisame! Quit talking to yourself and move on!" Hidan's head said. They were all crawling military style through a Giant spider infested Akatsuki base. "There it is… the question box!" Tobi said. "What's it doing on the 10th floor!?" Itachi's text asked. "Uh… for reasons the author or the editor cannot disclose." Kisame said officially. "Oh god… we're gonna die in here…" Itachi's text said.

"Okay, here's the plan. Tobi, run out there screaming your head off, while we grab the question box." Kisame said. "Sounds like a plan! HIYAAAA!!!" Tobi yelled, running head first into the sea of spiders. "Okay, while Tobi's getting his balls ripped off by the spiders, I head in there and get the questions." Kisame took Samehada and headed in to get the question box.

-:- 2 minutes later… -:-

Kisame emerged from the doorway, beaten up, his cloak torn in half. He had a black eye, and his other one was twitching. "Okay, they're organized, brutal, and they have my sword. What do I do?" Everyone turned and left mumbling something like "I'm Outta here…" "I'm done…" "You're screwed." Etc.

"Oh Come on!" Kisame said. "Kisame, did you at least get the questions?" Kakuzu asked. "They're right here and… the bottom was ripped out… Crap." Kisame hung his head in shame. "Itachi, do you have the back up data for the questions that you have in the very likely possibility that Kisame would fail to bring back the original?" Kakuzu asked Itachi. "Of course! I'm not leaving the responsibility up to this blue freak!" The text read. "You said you liked the color blue!" Kisame protested. "My eyes grow red when I'm fighting. The opposite of blue." Itachi's text said. "You suck!" Kisame said. "You suck!" Itachi responded (in text form of course.) And it went on like that.

Soon Tobi came through the door. "Tobi… uh… You're alive!" Hidan said. "Yeah! And I got Dinner!" Tobi yanked an oversized spider leg through the wall. "I'm not eating that!!" Hidan yelled. "Yes, you will. Because I fought my way through an army of giant spiders of all shapes and spiders. I WILL BE APPRECIATED." Tobi yanked off a piece of the leg and held it up to Hidan's face. "EAT IT!" He ordered. "Okay, 1: I'm a disembodied head. 2: What kind of decent human being eats spider legs? And 3: Kakuzu has a stomach. He'll appreciate it better." Hidan said. "Dammit Hidan!" Kakuzu said. Tobi pointed the piece at Kakuzu. "Eat it." Tobi commanded. "no." Kakuzu said. "EAT IT!! I, MADARA UCHIHA COMMAND YOU TO EAT THIS PIECE OF SPIDER LEG!!" Tobi screeched, his voice changing to some kind of evil demonic one. He quickly covered his mouth.

Silence.

"You're Madara Uchiha…?" Zetsu asked. "Yes." Tobi said. "More badass than Itachi Madara Uchiha?" Zetsu asked. "Yes." Tobi said. The group burst out laughing. "If you're Madara, prove it!" Hidan laughed. Tobi faced the horde of spiders, lifting his mask. Muttering some kind of chant, immediately, fire and brimstone fell upon everything. EVERYTHING. While the others stared mouths agape at the sight.

-:- two hours later… -:-

"Okay, Tobi, you're going to get the whole base destroyed at this point. We're convinced." Kakuzu said. Tobi ignored them. "Tobi?" Kakuzu threw Hidan's head to get his attention. Right when Tobi turned around to say "what?" Hidan's head hit his face. His look turned into a deathly glare. "What?" He spat. "Well… Ahaha… you're kinda… destroying the base and…" Kakuzu trailed off. "And?" Tobi asked. "We're still in it?" Kisame finished for him. "That's the idea." Tobi held out a hand using the force to push everyone into a wall. "DID HE JUST USE THE FORCE ON US!?" Zetsu yelled. "He gonna kill us man!" Kakuzu said.

"KILL THEM ALL!!" Tobi yelled evilly, waving his hands in various directions, absolute hell in his wake.

Deidara opened a trap door in the floor. "We made it!" He glanced at Tobi. "Oh GOD!!" He saw Tobi shooting fireballs in different directions. "What's goin on senpai- OH GOD NO." Shniz came up. "SHNIZ!!" Tobi growled. "You've doomed us all man!" Sasori exclaimed. "IT'S YOU HE WANTS!!" Deidara threw Shniz out in the open. "See ya Shniz, we'll be in the sewers." Deidara closed the trap door, locking it tightly.

Suddenly he and Sasori were thrust through the ground and up to the surface beside a charred up Shniz. "You didn't think you could get away that easily, did you?" Tobi asked. "Actually… yeah." Sasori said. He was fried to a crisp. "I'M MADARA F$&ING UCHIHA!! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME!!" Tobi yelled. "Can I make one last phone call to Hinata?" Deidara asked. Tobi sighed, crossed his arms and said. "Fine. Make it quick."

-:- Hinata's house -:-

Hinata had fallen asleep during all the messages. She was oh so gracefully woken up by the sound of a phone call. It was Deidara. "I got your messages, don't come to the base." She said.

"Quite the opposite, actually. Could you possibly send the army, marines, air force 1, navy, I Don't know, Jackie Chan, heck, I'll even take George Bush just send someone please! No… wait… STAY AWAY!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Deidara screamed.

_Probably just Tobi being annoying again…_ She looked out the window and saw a giant meteor heading straight for the Akatsuki base. "… Right. The army." Hinata called the army.

-:- With Akatsuki -:-

"OH MY GOD-! OH MY GOD!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" Hidan sobbed. Kakuzu slapped him. Get a hold of yourself man!" He said. "But look!" A huge meteor was heading towards them at full speed. "We're gonna die!!" Kakuzu sobbed.

"So this is how it ends. Smashed into the ground by a meteor. As I suspected." Kisame said. "Really. You knew that Tobi was going to reveal that he was Madara Uchiha and that all Hell would break loose. You really saw that one coming?" Zetsu asked. "Of course. It's laughably obvious at this point!" Kisame said. "When I'm done you're gonna _wish_ you were hit with the meteor." Lightning surged through Tobi's hands.

"Haha, I'm a cell phone. You can't hurt me! I can't feel pain!" Itachi texted. Tobi pointed at the cell and Itachi returned to normal. "Crap." He said. Tobi laughed evilly. "Uh… Tobi?" Kisame said. "WHAT!?" Tobi yelled. Kisame pointed up. The meteor was about to hit. "Oh crap." Tobi said.

-:- Hinata's House -:-

"Maybe he's okay… Yeah, he's okay!" Hinata saw the huge mushroom cloud where the Akatsuki base used to be. "Or maybe I need to get a new boyfriend." She added. The smoke dissipated revealing a message.

_I'm perfectly okay! I'll pick you up at 7:00!_

_-heart- Deidara_

"Aww… how sweet…" Another miniature explosion revealed another message.

_Lol jk kidding. I'll be in the hospital for about a month after this._

"Aw." She said.

-:- Akatsuki -:-

The Akatsukis base was reduced to nothing but ashes. The Akatsukis lay face up on the floor. And what made things worse, the leader and Flower-chan decided to come home early. The front of the base was perfectly intact, though.

"Ahh, I knew they couldn't screw it up this quickly! 3 days, pshaw." He said, opening the door. The entire interior of the base was destroyed. "Oh, I can't wait to hear this one." He said. "AKATSUKIS!! GET UP!!" He yelled. Mounds of ash emerged from the floor in various places.

"Flower-chan, please explain to me what I see before me." The leader said.

"The sofa is destroyed, your teddy bear Mr. Wuffles is basically a head," The leader twitched. "My unmentionables are scattered all over my room," The leader looked around. "Really?" "in the form of ashes." She added. "Damn." Everyone said.

"The 360 managed to find it's way into the roast for dinner, and, to top it all off, you see before you 9 INCOMPETENT Agents." She finished. The doorknob in the leader's hand turned to dust. He gripped his hand into a fist. "WHO, MAY I ASK, IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS!?" the leader yelled, scaring the birds out of the trees. The group pushed Tobi out in front of them.

"What did you do this time?" he sighed. "I-I-I-I uh… I… I kinda went Madara Uchiha on everyone." He said. "You showed them your other half?" The leader asked. Tobi nodded.

"Tobi, tell me what I am to you." The leader said.

"The leader?" Tobi said. "And in the manga?"

"My subordinate." Tobi stated. "Exactly. And do you know the difference between the two?" The leader asked. "One of them's… fake?" Tobi responded. "Good. Now, which one?"

"You being my subordinate?" "This guy's got a good head on his shoulders! Everyone give him a hand!!" The leader looked like he was about to clap, but instead he clamped them around Tobi's head. "Listen Tobi, in the manga, you're my boss. But in real life, _I'm GOD in Akatsuki_." The leader said, evilly. "Understand?" He made Tobi nod his head. "Good." He let go of Tobi's head. "Now get back in line." He commanded. Tobi scrambled back in line.

"Now where's Shniz?" He asked. "He's in a fetal position mumbling something about chocolate." Deidara said. "Chocolate? Did you do some new chocolate form of torture?" The leader asked. "Well… we were hiding in the sewers and-" Deidara started. "Stop right there. Poor little guy. Have to be put into rehab…" He said. "Oh, did you guys happen to see a diamond ring down there similar to Flower-chan's ring?" The leader asked. "No… why?" Deidara said.

"That was my birthday present last year that you never gave me wasn't it!?" Flower-chan accused. "Please, for the love of god let me explain!" The leader pleaded. "You have 10 seconds." She said. "Okay, I was drunk and-" Flower-chan fired a pistol at him, just barely missing his head. "That was only 3!!" The leader yelled. "I suck at math. Now DIE!!" Flower-chan aimed the pistol at his head, but still missed. She kept firing until she eventually hit the camera.

"BAD FLOWER-CHAN!! BAD!!" The leader screamed. The sound of a bazooka was heard in the background. "Uh oh."

**BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

--:-- Technical Difficulties --:--

Kisame held up his home camera. "Due to technical difficulties, questions will be held off until chapter 6 because we need to catch up on the questions on chapter 3 and 4. And if you do, please keep it to only 1 question. Please. For the love of god I said please." Kisame shook the camera. "For those of you who completely ignored this **I HAAAATE YOU.**" He seethed. The sound of gunfire could be heard in the background. "Oh crap! Flower-chan's coming! **NEVER MAKE FLOWER-CHAN ANGRY BY NOT GIVING HER BIRTHDAY GIFTS!! HURRY WITH YOUR PEACE OFFERING!!** See ya next time… Maybe!"

Static


	6. EPISODE 6: Survival Week Last Day

**Kisame's Corner**

Chapter 6

"Uh... Leader, what are we doing out here." Deidara asked. "Well… since you're all technically still in survival week I have decided to have you survive out here in the wild." The leader replied. "It's better than giant spiders." Itachi said. "The only difference now is that me and flower-chan will be hunting you all down like animals." The leader said calmly. "WHAT!?" everyone said. "And if you are caught before time runs out then you will be branded with this Akatsuki cloud." The leader said holding up a branding iron shaped like the Akatsuki logo. "On the ass?" Hidan asked. The leader nodded, everyone gulped.

The leader removed his cloak to reveal a safari outfit and had a bag filled with various rifles and weapons, Flower-chan did the same. "Please try to make this entertaining, I'll give you one minute to run and hide." The leader said. "You can't be serio-" Deidara's scope was shot off, revealing the eye under it, Deidara looked at the scope witch had a bullet hole in it and looked at the leader who had a sniper rifle pointed at him. "Oh I'm serious alright, dead serious." The leader replied loading another bullet. Everyone ran off into the woods.

**What do you guys think of Urma? Urma is a hundred thousand year old ghost of a vietnamese prostitute who kidnaps fat people,can turn people in to ice-cubes and dirty diapers, and her hobbies are interupting Phone calls!  
Kisame-kun do you eat fishy food?  
Itachi-kun why do you hate everybody? Do you hate me?  
Sasori-kun did you play with Barbies as a little boy?  
Dei-kun If you like Opera do you like that song where Pavaroti sings about Elephants and all he says is Elephants YaY!?  
Zetsu-kun would you ever eat weird foods for an example brain tacos, tounge tacos, bulls testicles, chicken hearts? After all you are a cannibal it cant get anny worse than that?**

**From: Two Yaoi Loving Nekos**

KISAME: Hey everyone! This is Kisame reporting from some cave I found due to plot convenience. We love you plot convenience!

Now for the Urma question. Uh… ew. Everyone else?

ALL: Ew!

KISAME: FOR THE LAST TIME! Occasionally!

ITACHI: It's not that I hate everyone, it's just that I always end up in places I don't like. And I've never met you, so I wouldn't know. But I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say yes. I hate you.

SASORI: Of course not! –shifty eyes-

DEIDARA: I like opera… but not the ones where they sing about elephants. Only.

ZETSU: Well… I guess I would eat them… If they had maple syrup. I think everything would taste better with maple syrup. Except for pancakes and waffles.

ITACHI: What the hell!? You don't like pancakes and waffles with syrup!? What kind of person are you!?

ZETSU: A PLANT Person.

ITACHI: Not liking pancakes and waffles with syrup is like slapping every single god that allows you to eat pancakes in the face!

KISAME: -sigh- next question.

**Kisame:I just noticed you have Gills..How do you breath on land..?**

**Tobi:Exactly WHAT are you hiding behind that mask?**

**Itachi:He he.weasel...**

**Leader:Why do You Have A Bridge piercing by your nose?**

**Sasori:Are you related to Gaara with the whole red hair thing?**

**From: The Ultimate Saiyan**

KISAME: I have lungs and gills. That's why I win when it comes to holding your breath under water! I have gills buddy! I don't have to!

And due to the fact that Tobi is probably being chased and branded in the ass by the leader, Itachi will answer.

ITACHI: What Tobi has under the mask is… uh… Well… Aw man I don't f!#ing know! I doubt Tobi knows what's under his mask! He's been wearing it so long that he forgot! AND SHUT UP ABOUT THE WEASEL CRAP!!

KISAME: Zetsu shall be answering for the Leader.

ZETSU (Wearing a wig made of orange leaves): It looked cool. And PEINful.

ITACHI: The leader would NEVER say that!

ZETSU: He could if he wanted to!

ITACHI: No he wouldn't because it sounds cliché!

SASORI: No. I'm not.

ZETSU: FOOD!! (Starts eating uncontrollably)

ALL: Disgusting!

KISAME: That's it you're out! (Throws Zetsu out the entrance to the cave and closes it with boulder)

ZETSU: Aw come on guys

SASORI: Go away Zetsu!

ZETSU: …f, Fine! But don't expect any help from me!

LEADER(PEIN): Hey flower-chan I think I heard Zetsu!

ZETSU: crap!!

KISAME: -sighs- Well, this is a bit odd, since most of the people you're asking for aren't here… I'm sure we'll figure out their response. Next!

**Kisame: OMG YOU USE A TAMPON AS A WEAPON(LMAO)XD **

**Itachi: what's with the wrinkles?**

**Kakuzu: i like money to but not as much as you(whispers to Kakuzu "poor")**

**Hidan: is Jashin a really a sock puppet :D **

**Deidara: how long did it take you to grow your hair out **

**Sasori: mind if I watch you make a puppet out of some one :D **

**Zetsu: your a cute man plant and do you pollinate? **

**Leader: is rinnykins your real name(snicker) **

**Tobi:(takes machine gun out)nobody hurt's Tobi cause he's a good boy! Well Sasori can hurt him but no one else(twitch):3 **

**With lovenicole **

**p.s I'm going to stay back stage so if anybody hurts Sasori or Tobi there dead(pats machine gun):3**

**From: minniegirl13**

KISAME: IT'S NOT A TAMPON! –sob- Okay Kisame, you. Are a MAN. –holds up a razor-

ITACHI: Please! Real men use THIS! –takes out a claymore-

KISAME: Itachi? You have hair?

ITACHI: Let's just say the fan girls will love me even more.

KISAME: Ew!

ITACHI: And there aren't wrinkles, their tattoos! Badly drawn tattoos, but tattoos nonetheless!

KISAME: Someone drew on your face while you were asleep, huh?

ITACHI: Damn Sasuke... Another reason to keep him alive: Revenge!

KISAME: Yeah, moving on.

-:- Somewhere else –:-

KAKUZU: Oh crap, someone said I was poor!

HIDAN: Calm down! Whatever you do, don't-

KAKUZU: I'M NOT POOR!! –blows up-

LEADER: You're in the bushes! –aims machine gun in their direction, shooting –:-

Kakuzu and Hidan manage to escape with the leader chasing them.

KAKUZU: Okay, I think we lost him.

The two were hiding in a tree.

HIDAN: HE'S NOT A SOCK PUPPET!!

KAKUZU: You idiot!

LEADER: THERE THEY ARE! Flower-chan! –snaps fingers-

FLOWER-CHAN: -takes out rocket launcher-

HIDAN: OH SHIT!

They managed to hide in another tree; but not just any tree, the one Zetsu was hiding in.

ZETSU: 'sup?

-:- Somewhere _else_ -:-

DEIDARA: About 3 years.

TOBI: Where'd that come from?

DEIDARA: I don't know. I think someone was wondering how long it took to grow my hair out.

TOBI: Oh… Okay. Hey look! IT's leader-sama! HI LEADER –SAMA!! –waves frantically –

LEADER in the distance: Hey look! It's a Tobi! Tonight, we feast!

FLOWER-CHAN: We're not gonna eat him! He'll kill our brain cells.

LEADER: Right. Let's shoot him anyway!

WITH ITACHI'S GROUP

SASORI: I don't mind you watching, I'd just have to kill you afterwards! –smiles-

-:- Later I guess… -:-

HIDAN: So Zetsu… to pass the time. Do you pollinate?

ZETSU: Well, it depends on what's growing on me.

ALL: -Strange looks-

ZETSU: Well, you see… Being a plant, lots of fungus and moss grows on me. Not emotionally, but literally. That's why you don't see me most of the manga. It actually feels like I'm peeling off my own SCALP whenever I try to rip it off and so-

HIDAN: STOP! God, that's… that's the most horrible story I've ever heard.

A gunshot wizzed past Hidan's head.

HIDAN: WOAH!!

FLOWER-CHAN: What?

LEADER: Someone called me Rinnykins! Was it you!? –points to squirrel and fires-

FLOWER-CHAN: Don't waste bullets on squirrels! Waste them on your subordinates!

LEADER: Yeah, you're right. I'm calm. –breaths deep- "I'm calm. Now let's get 'em.

-:- With Tobi -:-

TOBI: Huh. I guess the leader didn't see us!

DEIDARA; Yeah.

TOBI: -smiles-

DEIDARA: What's up with you?

TOBI: I feel like someone's protecting me!

DEIDARA: Protecting you? You know that I'm the only one who could possibly protect you, and I'm not going to anyway!

TOBI: I mean like behind the scenes.

DEIDARA: You blew up the studio, There Is no longer a 'behind the scenes' anymore.

TOBI: You're mean!

DEIDARA: Yeah well, you're stupid.

KISAME: (out of nowhere) NEXT QUESTION!!

BOTH: WOAH!! Where'd you come from!?

KISAME: I managed to dig a tunnel from the little cave me Itachi and Sasori were hiding in! We cooked a squirrel!

DEIDARA: Squirrel! Hot damn!

KISAME: We cooked it live. It's screams were loud enough to make you rip off your own ear! Which is what Sasori did. Uh oh. Come on, we need help.

The three crawled into the tunnel.

SASORI: OH GOD HELP ME!

ITACHI: Stop shouting you're spoiling my appetite!

SASORI: SCREW YOUR APPETITE! I'M BLEEDING!!

KISAME: Hey we found Deidara and Tobi!

SASORI: OH THAT'S GREAT! THE IDIOT AND THE TERRORIST! WHY DIDN'T YOU GET KAKUZU SO HE CAN REATTACH MY DAMN EAR!

KISAME: Well I didn't bother to look!

SASORI: WHY DIDN'T YOU!?

KISAME: Next Question!

SASORI: DON'T IGNORE ME!!

**i have a few questions...**

**Itachi: What is with the Akatsuki and purple nail-polish??**

**From: XxKimimaro's-little-stalker…**

ITACHI: Orochimaru's Idea.

DEIDARA: 4th of July! I love fireworks!

**Itachi: Why do you look so much like a weasel?**

**Kisame: Do you smell like a year old tuna can? and can i call you grumpy gills?**

**From: XxDeidara's-Little-Stalkerx…**

ITACHI: Hey… are you the same person!? What the hell!? Anyway… I LOOK NOTHING LIKE A WEASEL!! RIGHT!?

ALL: -coughs-

ITACHI: RIGHT!?

KISAME: Don't call me GRUMPY GILLS! And I only smell like that when I don't take a bath! Speaking of which… -sniffs himself- Ew!

DEIDARA: I'm not going to answer that! Besides, if you know where I live you can just look!

On second thought, don't come!

And why do people keep finding our base? I mean, before Tobi went all Madara Uchiha on our asses, we had fangirls scattered around our base in tents! They had specific squads for each member! I had at least 20 people coming after me whenever I left the house! It was awkward when I went out with Hinata!

Oh my god what if this happens!?

KISAME: What!?

DEIDARA: What if they go as far as to KILLING her because she's my girlfriend!?

KISAME: They wouldn't do that…

DEIDARA: THEY'RE FAN GIRLS KISAME! OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY..!

KISAME: Next question people!

**You all rock! Im a big fan of you all but mainly if you're paired up with Hinata-chan! DeiHina, ItaHina, LeaderHina, KisaHina, HidanHina, ZetsuHina, KakuHina, TobiHina, OroHina and KabuHina... in short I like all pairings with Hina-chan!**

**Questions...**

**Deidara: You all rock but you're my fave. I love art and explosions too! I think you're hot! umm... Did you ever thought of cutting you're hair? Just asking. I would kill myself if you cut your hair!**

**Itachi: Yo! um... Is it painful using Mangekyou?**

**Hidan: Jashin-sama rocks! (but I am Christian so no-can-do) You're cool! Do you mind being partners with me? im an immortal vampire werewolf thingy!**

**Sasori: Which is your fave puppets? Do you always dye your hair a different color?**

**Tobi: Hi there good boy! so... who do you like the most among the Akatsuki?**

**Zetsu: Cool! I like you! You have spilt personality like me! YEH! SPLIT PERSONALITY RULEZ! Nothing much for you except I brought you some dead Sound nin to feast on since they got on my nerves.**

**Kisame: Nice! I like you're bluishishness. I like swimming! Do you like swimming?**

**Kakuzu: You should get a safe! I heard someone was using your money to buy stuff. Get a safe!... that's all.**

**Leader: Hi! I like you! You're all dark and mysterious! Can I join the Akatsuki? Im an immortal vampire werewolf thingy! If you let me join Akatsuki you getting the Jinchurikki's is 100 percent! Yeh! Love you guys that's all.**

**Everyone: What do you think of Hinata?**

**From: dark-emo-gal**

DEIDARA: -fetal position- Don't kill her man… it's not worth it man… (oh and thanks)

ITACHI: Not painful! FUN! But sucks for the victim though.

HIDAN: (from nowhere) I don't mind.

KAKUZU: Mind what?

HIDAN: Nothing.

SASORI: AAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!! WHY HAVEN'T YOU GUYS HELPED ME YET!? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

TOBI: Depends on what you mean by 'like'. I'm not Gay. But if you must know, my favorite senpai is Deidara-senpai!

DEIDARA: I'm your ONLY senpai, dumbass.

TOBI: You're okay senpai!

DEIDARA: -punches Tobi- The anger hasn't left.

KISAME: Swimming's in my Blood! –pounds chest- Ow…

WITH ZETSU

ZETSU: Okay… So My hiding spot is now FOOL PROOF! –looks up- Oh my god! Are those Sound Nin corpses falling from the sky!? NOOO!!! –falls out of tree in front of the leader-

H-Hi leader!

LEADER: -cracks knuckles- Who else is in that tree, Zetsu?

ZETSU: No one…?

LEADER: -gets branding iron-

ZETSU: eep.

GGGGGGGGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

KAKUZU: Oh god…

HIDAN: Hey… is he dead?

KAKUZU: I don't know- SOMEONE'S STEALING MY MONEY!? –branch breaks in front of leader-

LEADER: Well, well… who do we have here…?

KAKUZU: HIDAN'S UP THERE!!

LEADER: Flower-chan, take care of him please?

FLOWER-CHAN: With pleasure.

WITH KISAME

Hidan and Kakuzu's screams could be heard even through the huge boulder.

KISAME: Well, they're gone, and we're the only ones who weren't branded. Next Question.

**Okay, this first question is for Hidan-san:  
How do you feel about everyone just leaving you to rot in a hole and Leader assuming you're dead when it's quite obvious that you are immortal?  
And Tobi...You're gonna tell me what's under that damn mask!  
pulls out chainsaw Or I'm gonna find out myself!**

**From: nekomaniac13**

HIDAN: It feels horrible.

LEADER: What's horrible?

HIDAN: There's a voice in my head asking me questions…

LEADER: Well Hidan, for being crazy, You're getting another branding.

HIDAN: Crap.

TOBI: The truth is, I don't know what's underneath my mask!

ITACHI: Then take it off!

TOBI: Can't. It's stuck.

KISAME: Wow. That sucks. Next question.

**Hi wow, okay I only have a couple of questions...  
Kisame: first off, I like ya fishy-boy! Second, what's your favorite pocky flavor?  
Tobi: want to have a tea party sometime with my stuffed animals? I promise there'll be cake...  
Deidara: is that your natural hair color?  
And lastly to Hidan: HA! HA! -just continues laughing and pointing at his misery-**

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: I guess… chocolate.

TOBI: I'D LOVE TO!

KISAME: Oh no! You're gonna stay here and get branded with us!

TOBI: Aww…

DEIDARA: Yes, it's my natural hair color! Well… the ponytail is sorta artificial since… it's been either melted, liquefied, electrified, eaten off by spiders, cut off, or burned off by Tobi's little… Madara Uchiha fest…

TOBI: I put the fires out!

KISAME: You made them _worse_!

TOBI: Worse… or better?

KISAME: Please, no more copying Invader Zim. We have enough lawsuits involving plagiarism.

TOBI: Fine…

KISAME: Sharks, obviously.

ITACHI: I don't use Shampoo. I use chemicals from the leader's lab.

KISAME: Itachi… you're hair is… glowing green.

ITACHI: Oh yeah, that's normal. Hey, do any of you guys feel a very painful burning… almost deadly force inside of your head?

ALL: No.

ITACHI: Oh, okay. AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH!!! OH GOD!! –rolls around on the floor-

KISAME: There goes another calm one!

SASORI: -passes out from blood loss-

DEIDARA: We can't afford blow driers…

TOBI: Uhh… In the sudden fear of being punched to death… I'm gonna say I hate both of them.

INNER MADARA: I HATE THEM!! I SQUASH THEIR FACES!!

ALL: -hides behind Kisame-

TOBI: I'm sorry, sorry… He's gone now… (for who knows how long…)

INNER MADARA: YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE!! –points to you-

TOBI: Whoops! Let that one slip out… heh heh…

LEADER (far away): Did you just get the feeling of being asked a personal question?

FLOWER-CHAN: -shakes head-

LEADER: Not really dating, More like she's treating me like crap, being a total bitch. I just said that out loud, didn't I?

FLOWER-CHAN: -nods, readying branding iron-

LEADER: I guess I had this coming…

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!**

ZETSU: Of course I don't cook them! Makes them look… unappetizing.

HIDAN: There aren't enough believers to start even a civil war.

KAKUZU: Make it $50,000 and I'll wear the whole outfit.

HIDAN: My god, you're a manwhore!

KAKUZU: I don't care how I earn it, as long as it's money.

Well… that's going to haunt me in the future.

**Hey Shniz, if you ever find Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, will you take me with you? And Kisame, was your dad Jaws? Lol**

**From: Insanely Sane**

SHNIZ: Oh my god… I got a question…! I GOT A QUESTION!! OH MY GOD!! YES, YES I WILL, NEW BEST FRIEND!!

TOBI/INNER MADARA(out of nowhere): -punches Shniz- I CHANGE MY MIND! _YOU_ SHALL BE THE FIRST TO DIE!!

KISAME: No, he's my uncle. And if the other stories say otherwise, this is the updated version.

**To Kisame: I know you hate it when people eat shark. Why do you use a sword made of shark skin? Isn't that just as bad?  
To Itachi: What would happen if your brother (or you) had kids with the Hyuuga Clan? Also if the kid had both kekkie genkais what you call the eye?  
To Kakuzu: Are you related to Frankenstein? Because you have more stitches than he does.  
To Tobi: Do you have any plans to get your eye back from Kakashi?  
To Deidara: Are you a transvestite or do you look like a girl by accedent.  
To Sasori: Your basicly a preserved head. HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?!?!?!?  
To Hidan: Would you die if you cremated?  
To Zetsu: How are you half human and half plant? Did your dad beep a plant?  
To Flower-chan: Is your real name Rin? Because there is a rumor around saying your Rin and it sounds like a bullbeep theory so thats why i'm asking you.  
To the leader: Would you let your son (Naruto) join Akatsuki If he went homicidal?**

Itachi what's the differece between you and a mallard with a cold? Ones a sick duck and...I forgot how it ends but your moms a whore.

**From: Fire Ninja1**

KISAME: Actually it's from a bully from my childhood. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW JAKE!? HUH!? **HUH!?**

ITACHI: Interesting. I guess I'd call it the Sharingyakugan.

KISAME: That's stupid. I'd call it the Byakingan.

ITACHI: That's stupider! YOU'RE STUPID!

KISAME: You're stupid…

KAKUZU: Do I really look like Frankenstein's relative…?

HIDAN: You look like Their baby.

KAKUZU: Shut up.

HIDAN: YOU SHUT THE –bleep- UP! –wait… did you just bleep me!? You can't bleep me!!

KAKUZU: yes she can.

HIDAN: NO SHE CAN'T! WATCH! –bleep- … -bleep!- WHY CAN'T I SAY –bleep-!?

TOBI: If I had plans, I would've _**done so by now…**_

DEIDARA: Okay, maybe you need to sit down.

TOBI: _**DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!**_

DEIDARA: Okay! Okay! Fine! I'll just sit down here… (jerk…)

TOBI: -_**Burns off ponytail**_-

DEIDARA: My ponytail! _Oh, it's on!_

KISAME: Before you kill eachother, can you look at your question?

DEIDARA: I'M A BOY!! –punches screen-

KISAME: My camera!

SASORI (suddenly back to normal): How am I _not_ alive?

…

Not working, is it?

HIDAN: I have to be DEAD to be creamated! So take that MOTHA-bleep-! CRAP!! I still can't say –bleep-!!

ZETSU: If I told you, we'd have to change this story to rated M.

FLOWER-CHAN: My name shall remain a secret until Masashi Kishimoto reveals it. So just keep guessing.

LEADER: In case you've been ignorant to the storyline, once we get the Jinchurikki out of him, he's dog meat. But, yeah, I probably would let him join…

ITACHI: -flips you off- If you're gonna insult my mom, please do it right.

**Hidan: Out of curiosity, does Jashinism believe in sexual activity or not? Oh, and Tobi: BEAT THE BEEP OUT OF SHNIZ!**

**From: purplenekomata**

HIDAN: As long as they're not the enemy… I guess. In Jashin's bible, I only read as far as the first chapter. Which basically said 'kill like crazy or It's a sin' over and over again. Ah, yes, words of wisdom.

TOBI: Well, if the fans really want it… -runs out of cave without thinking-

KISAME: NO! THE LEADER WILL-

TOBI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!

DEIDARA: Poor kid…

SHNIZ: I'm in here!

ITACHI: Woah! When'd you get here!?

SHNIZ: Just now.

**Okay...this question just had to done!  
If you guys were the only people left on the planet...and you had to choose someone to marry...who would it be?! OO  
cuddles Sasori**

**From: nekomaniac13**

ALL: Kill myself.

LEADER: Flower-chan!

FLOWER-CHAN: I'd kill myself.

LEADER: … yeah… me too…

SASORI: -shoots himself but misses-

KISAME: How did you miss!?

SASORI: Dizzy from… blood loss… HELP ME! –passes out (again)-

**Okay, this question is for Sasori.  
If I killed someone you really, and I mean really hated.  
Would you go out with me/**

**From: nekomaniac13**

SASORI: How'd you manage to review twice…? Anyway, this is probably the blood loss talking… but… why not…? –passes out-

_Normal Mode_

"Hey guys… I hear footsteps!" Kisame said. The leader had blown open the entrance to the cave. "I'm getting bored. So I'll skip the shooting and brand all of you now!" He said. "Can we talk about this!?" Deidara asked. "NO."

(Brandishing…)

"So, I guess Flower-chan's the only one who's not branded." The leader said. Flower-chan had a proud look on her face. "OW!" She shrieked. She just got branded by Madara Tobi. "HA! Uh oh." He was grabbed by the neck and punched repeatedly by Flower-chan. "Ah I love it when the day goes successfully." The leader said.

* * *

Dear god… my fingers have died. And I still have to work on Childhood Memories! THIS IS FINGERS ABUSE!! Oh well, anything for my fans… (if any) 


	7. EPISODE 7 CELEBRATION OF HALO 3

**Kisame's Corner**

I think the original plot for Kisame's Corner was long forgotten…

Well, let's try our best to remember what happened last time:

Uh… Survival week has come to it's conclusion, leaving everyone's asses branded with the Akatsuki cloud… 'asses branded with Akatsuki Cloud'… Asses… branded… Akatsuki Cloud…

Okay, that's enough reminiscing…

-:- Akatsuki base October 2007 -:-

"Urrrgh…" Kisame slurred, the Xbox 360 controller hanging loosely from his hands.

"Kisame doesn't look so good…" Itachi said, observing Kisame in the living room. "Hidan hasn't been doing well either." Kakuzu said. "He can never seem to get the controls for Halo 3…" He added. "Kisame, on the other hand has been playing for the past 3 weeks nonstop. And in that time, he has skipped 50 direct missions from the leader, 500 meals, 6,000 trips to the bathroom, and…" Itachi sniffed. "And four… ty thousand… baths."

Suddenly, a loud scream of anger was heard down the hall. "DAMN YOU FISHMAN234!!" It was Hidan. He slammed the controller to the wall. "AARGH!! IT'S BEEN 2 WEEKS AND HE'S ALREADY KILLED ME 50 MILLION TIMES!!!" (Guess who Fishman234 is).

"Uh… Kisame?" Itachi waved a hand in front of Kisame's eyes. No response. He slapped Kisame's head. "WAH!! Oh… aw man… How long was I out?" Kisame asked. "About… 3 weeks starting the next 12 seconds." Itachi looked at his watch. "That explains the beard…" Kisame scratched his chin. "That's not a beard that's… a dead animal." Itachi pointed out. Kisame froze while rubbing his chin. He ripped off the dead animal, throwing it in the corner.

"Anyway… so can you do Kisame's Corner?" Kakuzu asked. "Ugh… yeah, sure." Kisame said, scrambling up to his feet. "Wh… What's the first question?" He asked.

Itachi leaned his head out the door. "Hey everybody! We're starting the show!" He announced. "FINALLY!!" The leader bashed threw the wall on a vine, crashing into a glass window. A Non-safety glass window.

"Ooh…" There was a huge shard of Glass sticking out of his arm. "Start the show…" He croaked.

**HI EVERYONE! if I were running for president would u vote for me?  
Itachi: You look cute as a weasel type thingy! '...'  
Kisame: Do you think it would be weird if someone (like Tobi or Sasuke) was a lumberjack? He's a lumberjack and he's okay...  
Sasori: sorry about the ear...  
Hidan: sorry you're stuck in a hole.  
Flower-chan: how do you feel about being called Konan?  
Leader-sama: how do you feel about your employees dating?  
Shniz: go die.  
Tobi: are you a lumberjack, and KILL Shniz  
Kakuzu: YOU ARE MIDDLE CLASS!  
Zetsu: what story do you like best, out of… well everything  
Deidara: why u dating Hinata? Not that fond of pairing, but not my decision, and nice hair!  
Well, bye bye friends! except for u Shniz, go and DIE! –Happy Face-**

**From: FearTheFan**

ITACHI: Thank you…?

KISAME: It would be weird if I saw _anyone_ from my series as a lumberjack…

SASORI: Eh, it's not so bad… I won't be able to hear these guys bickering all the time!

"Hey Hidan! How'd you get out of that hole?" Kakuzu asked.

"SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO KILL FISHMAN234!!" Hidan yelled back.

"Hidan, face it. You're not good at Halo."

"YES I AM!!"

"Hidan, you're hitting your own teammates."

"I have teammates?

"_sigh…_"

KONAN: Still getting used to it…

PEIN: As long as they don't reveal anything like… the location of the base, the combo to the safe… I'm good.

SHNIZ: Now I remember why I was created! To be the object of hate of the Kisame's Corner Fandom! –said sarcastically-

TOBI: I'm working on both. –pfft…-

KAKUZU: Middle… class…!? –sob- Middle… class…! –head implodes-

ZETSU: Jack and the Beanstalk! My dad played the part of the beanstalk!

DEIDARA: E-HARMONY!!

ME: pfft…

SHNIZ: … tough crowd…

**Everyone: SEND ME WAFFLES OR ELSE!  
Hidan: What are your rituals like?  
Itachi and Deidara: Lol you two look like girls.  
Pein: Why don't you kill the other members their stupid.  
Flower-chan: YOU ROCK!!  
AWNSWER OR DIE**

**From: Aelysta**

PEIN: Waffles are nothing but an expensive dream under this roof…

HIDAN: _This_ Is how my rituals go! –Hits a bunch of his teammates in Halo with a newly created 'Ritual Gun'- HELL YEAH!! 6 POINTS YOU DIRTY WHORES!!

ITACHI: Weasel was bad enough, nut… to level me as low as DEIDARA!!

DEIDARA: -twitch- -anger mark- -seriously pissed off mark-

PEIN: They're the only ones who work for free. (They think they get paid but they don't. It's just painted pebbles made to look like money)

KONAN: Yes. Yes I do.

**To Shniz: If your house/Akatsuki lair/or where ever you live were to burn down, what would you try to save? (oh and by the way, now you have 2 questions!)**

To Hidan: How long IS your bible?

To Kakuzu: Would you rather be poor, or be attacked by a rabid chipmunk?

To Leader: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one's around to hear it, does it make a noise?

**From: Insanely Sane**

SHNIZ: I would try to save… -takes out Demyx Sitar from KH2- "My one and only possession…

HIDAN: My bible is about… Oh I dunno… A million pages? All consisting of various ways to kill: Kill, Kill, Kill, Destroy, Destroy, Kill, Massacre, Kill…

KAKUZU: That is the most boring Bible I've ever heard of!

HIDAN: Not if it's a PICTURE BOOK!! –Holds up horrible picture of murder-

Everyone screamed like a little girl.

KAKUZU: Bring on the chipmunks! Heck, throw in a squirrel if you want!

PEIN: Do I care?

**Zetsu: Who raised you to become a cannible?**

Itachi: Yo momma's dating Orochimaru!! Also if you want to kill me I cant die!! cuts off my own head See what I mean?

**From: FireNinja1**

ZETSU: I've gone my whole life without knowing that. But, it'd probably be Zitsu, my (older?) brother.

ITACHI: That must be why Sasuke killed Orochimaru… -lost in thought-

**Kisame: did you ever fight Zabuza and Raiga?  
Itachi: Why are you so emo? Don't give me that your a goth bullcrap your emo, EMO!! this is the reason why I'm writing a fic where you die 100 times!! AHAHAHAHAHA  
Hidan: Since you cut yourself doesn't that make you just as emo as Itachi?  
Kakuzu: What would you do for a kondike bar?  
Sasori: Who helped you become a puppet? Also infront of Deidara, could you tell everybody who your favorite partner was?  
Deidara: Do you ever make anyone talk to the hand?  
Madara Tobi: Out of all the people in the world why did you choose to share a body with Obito Uchiha, AKA guy who was an embarrassment to the Uchiha clan, got crushed by a rock and gave his left eye to his rival who he fought constantly with?  
Shniz: Did it ever occur to you that instead of taking orders from Xenmas, you and akatsuki could just gang up and beat the crap outta him, killing him in the process?  
Pein: Do you have anything to say to the 1,0,0 idiots who think your Naruto from the future?  
Blue/Flower-chan: Why are you the only woman in akatsuki?**

**From: FireNinja1**

KISAME: The difference between Fireninja1's questions is that one was offline and the other logged in.

Anyway, … No. No we didn't.

ITACHI: … No comment…

HIDAN: Look, just because I cut myself doesn't mean I'm an emo. It means I'm a faithful Jashinist. All you wussies can go to hell!

KAKUZU: I'd shove one up your ass.

SASORI: Who helped me become a puppet… Me myself and I. And as for my favorite partner…

Orochimaru: Attempts at rape, instant sex changes, and… -shiver-

Deidara: Annoying.

Deidara's the better partner. But I'm open to new ones.

DEIDARA: HMPH!

And as for the talking to the hand… Uh… talk to the hand.

HAND A: How's it going?

HAND B: You're mother's a skank.

**MADARA: Believe me, it wasn't my choice. **

… **Yeah, go away now.**

SHNIZ: Huh… well, that's half of my fanfiction life wasted.

PEIN: As A matter of fact, I do: WHAT THE FUCK!?

KONAN: Yeah, why Is that?

PEIN: Moving on…

KONAN: But-

PEIN: I'm moving on, Konan, you should too.

KONAN: _sigh…_

**LOL! Haha! That was funny! Please inclued Hinata-chan!**

Deidara: How much do you love Hina-chan? If you break her heart Ill kill you! And... uh... Here's a lifetime supply of shampoo! -trucks comes in and dumps shampoo containers on them-

Shniz: We all know your a double agent... Just go and do whatever it is you planned!

Kisame: Blue! Blue's clues! Blue's clues! LOL... Man! I hate that show! Do you?

Leader: Hi Pein! Im an immortal vampire thingy and wants to join Akatsuki... -drops on knees- LET ME JOIN! IVE BEEN DOING NOTHIN FOR TEN FRICKIN GENERATIONS!

Flower-chan: Uh... Why do you look like a boy in the manga?

Tobi: Madara Uchiha? COOL! ANd here are some cookies for you!

Madara: Are you sure youre not Obito?

Zetsu: Here are some Sound nins and Sand nins for you! They were pissin me off!

Itachi: Do you like... Are you a closet hentai lover?

Sasori: ... Kawai!

**From: dark-emo-gal**

DEIDARA: Wow… in this chapter, I've encountered both a DeiHina non-lover, an open to suggestions, and a plain ol' DeiHina lover!

TOBI: -brain short circuits-

DEIDARA: Wha's the matter Tobi? Too confusing for ya? Huh? Huh? –pokes constantly-

TOBI'S BRAIN: explodes.

SHNIZ: .You see? That's the thing. No matter how many times I try, no matter how many times I plan, the _always_ manage to screw things up!!

KISAME: Blues Clues is an insult to all blue people EVERYWHERE!!!

PEIN: That's you're problem.

KONAN: … I look like a boy? –stares at Pein-

PEIN: Uh… th-that's got nothing to do with why I hired you!

KONAN: -burning stare continues-

PEIN: Th-That's why we love you! R-Right guys?

ALL: -left room-

PEIN: Fuck.

TOBI: It's not cool to have a mad man telling you to burn things… And it's a total drag to- OOH COOKIES!! –turns into chibi and jumps into cookie jar-

**Madara: -punches hole through cookie jar- I'm not Obito, but I'm not sure about Tobi here. **

TOBI: MORE COOKIES!! –dives back into cookie jar-

ZETSU: fo…foo…food…FOOOOOOOOODD!!! -goes on feeding frenzy-

ITACHI: Uh… -shifty eyes-

SASORI: Thank you…

**Itachi-why did your parents name you after a weasel?**

**From The All Mighty Black Death**

ITACHI: HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!? IT'S LIKE ASKING HOW KISAME TURNED OUT TO BE A FISH MAN! LIKE ASKING HOW KAKUZU ENDED UP THE WAY HE IS NOW!!

KAKUZU: It's drugs.

ITACHI: -freaked out look-

**(Why do i think Inner Madara and Omaliey would team up and plan world domination?)-Random thought**

Ne anyways for all in a crossover which anime girl would you go out with?

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

ITACHI: … Go read another person's crossover fanfiction.

KISAME: … THE LITTLE MERMAID!!

ME: Why did I see that one coming?

DEIDARA: Taken.

PEIN: Taken. (help me…!)

KAKUZU: … you sick, twisted, little bastard.

HIDAN: One of those girls from Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni. (When they Cry) _those_ gals have the right idea!

SASORI: … Winry Rockbell from Fullmetal Alchemist.

ZETSU: Taken.

ME: By who!?

ZETSU: -holds up tulip-

ME: -sighs-

TOBI: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh……………… HINAMORI MOMO!! (Bleach)

**MADARA: NONE…**

TOBI: So you're gay?

**MADARA: NO!!**

Tobi: Okay, don't have to be so defensive…-

**MADARA: I'M NOT DEFENSIVE!!** **(Me and O'Malley **_**should**_** team up, huh?)**

TOBI: I can hear everything you say and think.

**MADARA: SHUT UP.**

TOBI: YOU SHUT UP!

**MADARA: I'LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!**

TOBI: THEN YOU KILL YOURSELF!!

**MADARA: SHUT UUUUPP!!**

**woohoo! I'm happy now.**

Hidan- My brother likes your religion. He says you rock.  
All- Who's your favorite author?

From: SlightlyBroken

HIDAN: Why thank you. And as for my favorite author… Guys!

ALL: MASASHI KISHIMOTO!! EVEN THOUGH HE'S KILLING US LEFT AND RIGHT!!

ME: … Hoo…ray?

-:-

Sorry for the terribly long updates… But I'd like to update you guys on a few things… Akatsuki: The Family Project is well… a new project of ours. Claire… I think, should be up for question asking once I get more reviews for the story. Please go check it out!

Akatsuki: The Family Project


	8. EPISODE 8: Itachi's Contact Lenses!

**Kisame's Corner**

Kisame's corner is brought to you by:

ITACHI'S CONTACT LENSES.

If your eyes aren't red, you're _not_ an Uchiha!

ITACHI: I'm gonna make _billions_ off this crap…

KISAME: This is a stupid ad. No one's gonna buy it.

ITACHI: Are you kidding? Fan girls line up at our door just for us to sign a worthless piece of paper! Of course they're gonna buy contact lenses (if sponsored by me)!

KISAME: Okay… but they're _really _not gonna buy it…

Will you?

Chapter 8

Okay, we're skipping any kind of introduction and going straight to the questions. -Kisame

**I have a few questions...**

Itachi- what was in like inside the cell phone?  
Kakuzu- Can I have a dollar?  
Pein- Why are you such an asshole?  
Hidan- I love you!! Yeah and um… How much hair jell do you use?  
Kisame- Were both of your parents shark people?  
Sasori- Would want or are you related to Temari in anyway?  
Zetsu- Were your parents plants too?  
Tobi- You're a good boy! um... how the hell did you get in to the Akatsuki?

Keep going It's hilarious! –Happy Deidara emote-

**From: xvampirexblood**

ITACHI: It was… very lonely… and dark… -flashbacks-

KAKUZU: -hisss…-

PEIN: I am _not_ a 'butt' hole. (The reason he's not swearing: The FCC kids, the FCC.) –sobs-

HIDAN: 3 gallons! –looks proud-

KAKUZU: 3 gallons on that head…?

HIDAN: Why do you think it stays in place while I'm flying in the air?

KAKUZU: I don't know, the same magic Deidara uses to keep his hair fluffy when we can't afford shampoo!

DEIDARA: Hmph!

KISAME: It depends on the fandom. If you're a sick bastard, yes, my mom was the shark side of the family. But, in actual fact, both my parents were perfectly normal people. I don't know _how_ I got this way.

(Maybe his mom cheated on a shark?)

SASORI: … Why would I be related to Temari in _any_ way?

ZETSU: Same as Kisame. My _father _fucked a tree. I don't know why, how, and when, and frankly, I don't want to know. If you want the truth, we'd have to turn this fic into a rated ADULT fanfiction. Heck, SENIOR CITEZIN rated.

TOBI: I got into Akatsuki by… -long pause- How _did_ I get into Akatsuki?

PEIN: -knocks out Tobi- Now that he's down, I shall explain in intricate detail in this chapter of Kisame's corner. So listen up.

Read the recent chapters of Rise of the Shniz. Detailed, No?

TOBI: Why'd ya hit-!?

PEIN: -hits Tobi again… and again… and again… and again.)

**lawl, funny. I wanna ask:**

Uh... I'm new to this... I've actually neglected you guys for a bit, reading... Spider-Man. Anyways, here's my question: DC or Marvel?

**From: Trippy Zanbato**

ALL: -groans- Another nerd…

TOBI: -suddenly recovered from mutilation- HEY! Don't laugh at nerds!

DEIDARA: Tobi, _you're _a nerd.

TOBI: Exactly! Don't make fun of nerds, or I'll –**MELT YOUR BRAINS FROM THE INSIDE OUT.**

ALL: Uh… WELCOM NEWCOMER!!

YOU: -feels welcome… right? RIGHT!?-

Okay, the answers.

PEIN: uh… DC… I guess.

ITACHI: Uh… I don't know much about this stuff, so… DC.

HIDAN: Marvel

KAKUZU: Which one's cheaper?

SASORI: Marvel.

DEIDARA: DC.

SASORI: That's a lie.

DEIDARA: How do you know!?

SASORI: You always try to contradict everything I say for the sake of a good argument!

DEIDARA: Prove it!

SASORI: Fine! I will! Tobi's the worst Akatsuki I've ever encountered.

DEIDARA: That's not true. Tobi's the best Akatsuki I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

SASORI: -turns to readers- You are witnesses.

-Lol, Scrubs moment-

KONAN: -would be found reading a Spiderman Comic in the closet.-

PEIN: Konan! I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE THAT KIND OF WOMAN!

KONAN: I've always liked Spiderman. You just never took the time to notice.

PEIN: You never read those books!

KONAN: -points to piles of Marvel comics-

PEIN: WHEN DID THAT GET THERE!?

KONAN: This is the only way I can escape, even for a few hours, the cursed reality of which I'm forced to live in.

PEIN: Wow. Deep. Even though, I'm more of a DC guy -Gets whacked in the head by Konan-

ZETSU: -has one comic from each company and takes a bite out of both- Hmm… A little bit of both.

TOBI: What's DC and Marvel?

PEIN: Oh god. You didn't even know what you were defending, were you?

TOBI: Nope.

PEIN: Next question. Konan's recent poem depressed me a little…

**I Got A Few Questions. **

**Hidan: Can I Read That Bible of Yours? **

**Kakuzu: What's With Your Money Obsession? **

**Deidara: You And Hinata Look So Cute Together. And Can I Barrow Your Hair Style?**

**From: awesomechick55092**

HIDAN: Only if you're a Jashinist. Even then, only a select few get to read it. I was not one of them, but… I stole it. It's kinda easy to steal. Especially if you're immortal.

KAKUZU: Money obsession? What a childish word for it. I like to call it… a passion for money. See? Then it doesn't sound so bad.

DEIDARA: -insert happy emoticon- Thank you! –happiness- You can borrow my hairstyle for as little as $5,000,000,000! –smiles-

KAKUZU: Look at all those zeros…

KISAME: Next.

**Okay...random questions!  
Deidara: Are you POSITIVE you aren't bi? And that Hinata isn't just a cover to hide the truth?  
Hidan: Do you happen to have a long lost twin brother? Cuz my Chemistry teacher, looks like you...a lot.  
Sasori: Have you ever had second thoughts about joining the Akatsuki?  
Kisame: What kind of Shark are you, and don't say Great White, cuz you're too small to be one.  
Itachi: Why didn't you kill Sasuke?? There must be a reason!  
Konan: Have you ever had thoughts about kicking Pein off his high-horse and become the new Akatsuki leader?  
Pein: You're a sexist, mind-warping, ass branding prick. (Just thought you might want to know.)  
Tobi/Madara: GET ALONG. NOW...cuz if you really want to see split personality...  
Zetsu: I can't help but notice that you have not appeared in the manga for quite some time...what happened?  
Kakuzu: Someone accidentally sent me your mail...could you come and get it? By the way, it says you have Jury duty. Sorry!**

**From: nekomaniac13**

DEIDARA: -smile suddenly turns to violent frown- I'M _SURE._ (SCREW YOU.)

HIDAN: Brother… Dan? Wait, what's your teacher's name? Why don't you try killing him; if he doesn't die, he's one of the thousands of brothers I have. (And if he's hot, that's even more proof)

SASORI: Oh, all the time! I've had so many second thoughts! But I can't leave on the account that I'd be shot… But, if on some miracle I _do_ escape, they'd hunt me down and kill anyone I've come into contact with. That includes, Store clerks and Ice cream men. Probably even beat up little children… and their parents. Heck, they'd kill or horribly injure that comes between me and them.

KISAME: I'm the new test breed of shark called the Humashark. Human Shark.

YOU: You're making that up. –skeptical look-

KISAME: N-No! It's the truth!

YOU: -threatening glare- I'm watching you.

ITACHI: I'd get grounded if I did… -recalls moment when mother was resurrected in Attack of the Tobi-

KONAN: Oh, I _am_ the Akatsuki Leader. I just let Pein have his fun.

PEIN: I try. –Happy face-

KONAN: You didn't read a single word that person wrote, did you?

PEIN: Nope! I altered it: I love having sex, mind-warping, and branding the asses of pricks around the world. I'm getting a lot of hate mail, huh?

TOBI/**MADARA:** **Honestly, if we got along, would this story franchise still be funny? **I'd like to get along but… **BUT NOTHING. If we got along, this story wouldn't be funny! PEOPLE HATE YOU. NOW SHUT UP. **Nu uh! People like me! **Duh, fan girls like you! But as for us here in the village and Akatsuki, WE HATE YOUR GUTS. Frankly, **_**I**_** hate you! **

PEIN: Moving on.

ZETSU: VACATION, BABY!!

KAKUZU: Jury duty again? Aw man- goddammit! –Aggravated sigh- well, I'm off. –grabs suit case- And if I get any questions, which I will, Here are my answers.

HIDAN: He might seem like a dumbass, but he's actually an organized guy.

KAKUZU: I'm off! –Leaves, taking a car-

HIDAN: Wait, Kakuzu doesn't own a car!

DEIDARA: THAT'S MINE!!

ME: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

-slight crashing noises and complaints of broken limbs-

**I'm so happy now.**

Flower-chan: I don't like using your name. I keep thinking of Conan that barbarian guy. How does that make you feel?

All: What would you do if I became your shrink?

Bye  
SlightlyBroken

KONAN: I am very, very depressed. –Eats chocolate bar-

PEIN: Our _what?_

ITACHI: You don't want to see what's in my mind.

KISAME: Things inside my mind are an enigma! –thinks of spilt milk-

ZETSU: -thinks of eating people- Interesting, no?

TOBI: Care Bears, Boobah, Barney…

**MADARA:** Him leading the Care bears, Boobah, and Barney to their deaths while leading a little children's show concentration camp.

SASORI: Technically, I don't have a mind. It's all wood up here. –Knocks on head-

DEIDARA: Which mind? –holds up hands-

HANDS: Hey, how's it goin?

HIDAN: -repeats the Jashin Bible multiple times-

KAKUZU'S NOTES: -money-

**Questions!! Lol, cool chapter.**

Itachi: Are you really going blind?  
Deidara: What shampoo do you use?  
Kakuzu: Do you like chocolate milk?  
Konan: How do you feel about having the same name as Conan the Barbarian only spelled different?  
Kisame: If you're a shark man, and sharks eat fish, why don't you eat sushi?  
Tobi: Have a cookie.  
Pein: What's with the peircings?  
Shniz: FALL DOWN A WELL!

Byes!

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

ITACHI: Yes. –Trying to drink coffee but picks up a cat- (don't know where it came from)

CAT: MREAOW!! –scratches his face.

ITACHI: ow.

DEIDARA: It's actually a weird mixture that the leader makes. It works really well, actually!

-Pein flashbacks-

"MUAHAHAHA!!" Pein poured one drop into a class container. There was a huge explosion. "Ow…" He coughed.

-Lol, it ends-

KAKUZU: Money.

KISAME: What the hell!? He wrote this for every single question!

KONAN: -eats more chocolate bars-

KISAME: I'm in rehab.

TOBI: COOKIE!! –Chomps on hand-

YOU: LET GO! LET GO!

PEIN: Actually, I pissed off Konan so bad she shoved all this stuff on my face.

SHNIZ: Zzzz… -sleeping-

PEIN: WAKE UP SLACKER!! –Kicks him in the head-

SHNIZ: -reads … 'question'- What a pleasant thing to wake up to.

**hi!  
All: Why do you not go to Masashi Kishimoto in Japan and force him to stop killing Akatsuki members left and right. Especially by sas-gay!  
**

**From: FearTheFan**

PEIN: We've sent him countless letters, but every time we do, he responds by killing one of us… that's how the whole fight with Jiraiya started. The translators did it wrong. He was sent from Masashi Kishimoto to tell us to stop sending him letters! And then this lobster and this lizard came out of nowhere and attacked him! And… Konan was in a bad mood and attacked… both of us. And then the frog came!

_FROG: YOU BEATIN ON MY FRIEND!?_

_PEIN: WHAT!? NO! NO- -is slammed into wall-_

Yeah! It really sucked!

ITACHI: Hehe… "Sas-gay'… Lolz…

SASUKE: (out of nowhere) AAAAARGH!!! –rams into wall (very stupidly, I might add)-

**Rawr I'm back... Um...  
First to my fav. Kisame: have you ever played yourself in the Naruto video game? O.o also do you have a favorite type of pie? –happy emote-  
Itachi: first off I no longer hate you (Yay! that's reserved for Hidan now...) also if you could be any super hero what would you be?  
Deidara: how many times do you wash your hair? Also any secrets to keeping it looking so soft and bouncy  
Sasori: have you ever thought of doing puppet shows? I'm sure you'd be a star!  
Uchiha Tobi: I'm still a little weirded out that your an Uchiha, but eh, that just makes you super cool! You're never going to act like those other Uchiha right? ...Your not going to become angsty and brooding... –crying emote- Gah! Don't change Tobi! Also I'm sending you some cake Yay!  
Zetsu: How are you and Tulip doing? Do you also absorb energy from the sun? You know...besides eating people?  
Kakuzu: if I gave you 100 Ryo would you do a strip dance?  
Hidan: Why are you such a jerk?  
Pein: How many bodies do you have anyway?  
Konan: Does Pein have a god complex? And hmm...do you do girly things?  
Shniz: ...uh...hmm sorry I can't think of anything to ask. –happy emote  
Sorry for the long post. I hope I didn't miss anyone important...  
**

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: So many times… and I've died… so many times… As for my favorite pie… Uhh… Is there a salmon pie? If there was/is, it'd be that…

ITACHI: You hated me? Anyway, if I'd be any… -crosses out heroes with a permanent marker- super _villain_, I'd be one with heat vision. –grins-

DEIDARA: Those secrets are for my eyes only. And Hinata's. And probably Tobi because he's always forgetful. AND I'LL NEVER TELL YOU THAT I WASH MY HAIR 15 TIMES A DAY EVEN BETWEEN PERFORMANCES!! … crap.

SASORI: I tried but… I kinda went… crazy and killed the whole audience.

TOBI: I swear to all my fans that I will never –OOH CAKE!! –changes into a chibi and eats cake- (His promise was to never become an angsty brooding villain)

ZETSU: Tulip broke up with me… SHE LEFT ME FOR A GIANT OAK TREE!! Who was my childhood friend as of 5 years ago who suddenly appeared again to fulfill his duty as an actual tree. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!?

KISAME: Kakuzu writes… 'Cash… I mean money.' And yes, that's what it actually says.

HIDAN: I am _not_ a jerk. I'm an _asshole._ Next time get your insults straight. –hmph!-

PEIN: About 6,ooo. That way, I can live way longer than how I'm supposed to and survive the zombie outbreak in (2012)!

KONAN: You still believe in that-?

PEIN: Konan, this is very serious and very _real._ I don't wanna hear your criticism right now.

KONAN: Uh… he has a god complex, and idiot complex, and an anger problem. Not the best of combinations but… he's the only one I've got. –sad emote- and define 'girly things'.

HIDAN: Hey Shniz! Wake up! –kicks sleeping Shniz-

SHNIZ: WHA-!? Wha…t… Oh god… I had the worst dream ever! I got beaten by some Disney characters and their friend with a giant house key… OH… OH GOD!! IT'S MICKEY MOUSE!!! _AND HIS FRIENDS!!!_ –horrified look-

HIDAN: Okay… we lost him.

**MADARA: HELL YEAH!! YOU FORGOT THE ALL MIGHTY –gasp- AND POWERFUL-gets close to camera- MADARA UCHI- **

DEIDARA: -whacks Madara in the head with a shovel-

**Thank you for putting in my review! More questions!**

Pein: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME YOU FRICKIN IDIOT! -blinks- What happened? Dont tell me my evil self did something again...

Kisame: Dont worry, I like you even if you are blue... ILL LIKE YOU MORE IF YOU END UP AS SUSHI! M SUSHI... -blinks- Not again T.T

Deidara: -glomps- Come on! Bring Hinata over here!

Sasori: Can you like uh control a million puppets all at the same time without getting the strings tangled?

Konan: Sorry if I said you look like a boy BUT YOU REALLY DO! -blinks- Sorry... -sweatdrops-

Hidan: Can you lend me your bible?

**From: dark-emo-gal**

PEIN: YEAH I GOTTA PROBLEM! YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH ME HAVIN A PROBLEM YOU MOTHERF-

ITACHI: -Punches leader- Don't argue with the fans!! –to you- Please don't sue us!

KISAME: -runs away screaming-

DEIDARA: LEGGO YOU FREAKIN-

HINATA: -opens door and sees you glomping Deidara-

DEIDARA: I-IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE-!

HINATA: -closes door-

DEIDARA: Oh… crap…

SASORI: I can only control 999,999 without tangling the strings.

KONAN: I guess it's understandable. –glares at leader-

PEIN: What?

HIDAN: I've had it up to here with these "Rules" of my religion. I'll let you read it if only I could find it… -eyes wander to Tobi-

TOBI/**Madara:** -Is currently eating Jashin Bible all the while gaining power and strength- **AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL HAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLLLLL MAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDAAAAAARRRRRAAAAAAA!!! –starts shaking camera again- **

HIDAN: Thousands of years of history…. _Gone_ in an instant! Crushed by an imp! All of my people's history: Eaten and torn to shreds by an Uchiha split personality! –sobs- WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!?

--

KISAME: Okay, that's all the questions I have and…

KONAN: -shoves Kisame- WAIT! I SEE SOMETHING FOR ME!!

KISAME: But it's only something that says that you're awesome… it's not a question-!

KONAN: I DON'T CARE!! GIVE IT TO ME!!

KISAME: -argh- fine. Here. –hands 'question'-

**Konan: you rock! your one of the few girls in Naruto I  
actually think rocks**

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

KONAN: Thank… you… -sobs-

KISAME: Are you crying?

KONAN: I can fire your ass for seeing that.

KISAME: Turning away! See ya peoples!

-:- on a side note -:-

Please review for Akatsuki: The Family Project. It's a real fun idea and I wanna know what you think of Claire! At least review telling me you've read it! IM DESPARATE HERE!!

Thank you.

TheWindAlchemist

Reaper00140 - editor


	9. EPISODE 9 VIOLENCE THE MOVIE

**Kisame's Corner**

Hidan was sitting on the couch watching his favorite TV show, "Random, Pointless Acts of Violence, Halloween Special" On the Violence channel. (I don't know either)

Suddenly, a commercial popped up.

_Hey you worthless sack of meat!_

_Are you hungry for VIOLENCE!?_

Hidan nodded.

_Are you ready for RANDOM AND POINTLESS STUFF THAT HAS NO POINT OF EXISTING AT ALL!?_

"Always am." Hidan said.

_THEN YOU'RE READY FOR…_

**RANDOM POINTLESS ACTS OF VIOLENCE!!**

**THE MOVIE!!!**

_Buy tickets now, or you're a retard!!_

"I've gotta get tickets." Hidan rushed to Kakuzu's room.

"Kakuzu, can I have money for some tickets?" He asked. "Tickets for what?" Kakuzu asked.

"A Moovie." Hidan said vaguely. "…What kind of movie?"

"A violent one."

"Is it 'Random Pointless Acts of Violence the Movie?"

"… Possibly."

Kakuzu sighed. "No, I'm not giving you the money." He said. "Why NOOOOOOOOOTT!?" Hidan asked. "I don't like the movie." Kakuzu responded. "How could you _not_ like a movie with violence in its name!?" Hidan asked in disbelief. "Because it's all acting." Kakuzu said.

"How is beating an 80 year old lady in the face with a baseball bat acting!?"

"It just is. Now go away!"

"Fine! I'll find some other sap to give me my money!" Hidan kicked the table in the corner out the window.

… _I hope this doesn't affect the show today_. Kakuzu thought.

**Heh heh, first thanks for answering my previous questions and now for more! **

To Kisame the cool blue guy: Wow I actually found a salmon pie recipe, so I made it and sent it to you. Share if you want to! Ever get free drinks for being famous?  
To Hidan: Fine, why are you such an asshole?  
Kakuzu: Okay...I'll take your last response as a yes. You'll get your Ryo when I hear you actually did it.  
Pein: Good luck with the zombie defense, remember to stock up on canned food and crowbars. I recommend the book: The zombie survival guide. It makes for...interesting reading material. Even if you don't believe in zombies.  
Itachi: if given the choice of two super powers (to go invisible, or read minds) which one would it be?  
Konan: You are awesome! I love your hair and how you transformed the Akatsuki robe into a dress. Any fashion advice?  
Zetsu: I'm sorry about Tulip, but if you're interested I have a delightful fern you might get along with.  
Tobi: Did you like the cake? We should have a tea party sometime!  
Madara: Um... sorry about last time...er, do you like bunnies?  
Deidara: Aww you and Hinata-chan are cute... hurt her and we(other fan girls) hurt you. But you wouldn't do that. -  
Shniz: Oh! Oh! I finally got a question for you! ...did you land on your head when you were born?  
Sasori: So how's puppet-life treating you these days?  
Did I miss anyone again? If I did, what's your favorite cereal? 

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: -is now eating (violently) sent pie-

HIDAN: Because it's fun. That'll be $50 please.

KISAME: $50 for what?

HIDAN: Violence the Movie. (that's an abbreviation)

KISAME: You do know that stuff's all fake.

HIDAN: NO IT'S _NOT!!_

KAKUZU: … Where was I when this happened? –looks at Kisame-

KISAME: Uh… during Jury Duty. Remember? Wait, what was that all about?

KAKUZU: A guy was arrested for raping and almost killing a little boy.

KISAME: Who was the guy?

KAKUZU: Orochimaru.

KISAME: Who was the boy?

ITACHI: -phone rings- "Hello?

PHONE: ITACHI!! OH MY GOD!! I WAS RA- (That was Sasuke…)

ITACHI: -hangs up- OH…MY… GOD!!!

PEIN: I will_ not_ take advice from a stranger!! –starts running to bookstore-

ITACHI: I'd like to be invisible because when Sasuke attacks me, I'd be able to escape.

KONAN: Never join an organization where you are the only one of your gender. (How is that fashion advice?)

ZETSU: You know, I used to have a sister who was a fern. And now, every time I see a fern I always remember the last time I saw her… dead and headless on the ground. Thanks to some retard GARDENER!!

KISAME: You have a screwed up childhood, my friend.

ZETSU: Thank you.

TOBI: I'd love to eat cake!

KISAME: …with the fan?

TOBI: Whaddaya mean?

KISAME: The girl's asking you to have a tea party with her! Do you accept? (of course, providing that you are a girl. If you're not… ……)

TOBI:… will there be cake?

KISAME: Well, you can't have a tea party without cake.

TOBI: Will there be tea?

KISAME: Yes, there _will_ be tea. Now leave. Please!

TOBI: EEww, I hate tea!

KISAME: -grabs Tobi's neck- Listen to me, you little retarded **thumbprint**!! You will go to that girl's house, rob her for all she's worth or so help me I will rip your vocal cords out and shove them up your ass!!!

TOBI: O-Okay! (runs off)

KISAME: Okay let's see here. Oh, Madara loves bunnies! Here watch this clip.

**MADARA: (strangling the rabbit) YOU STOLE MY SODA YOU RETARDED RAT!!!!! **

KISAME: Does that answer your question?

DEIDARA: Uh… Okay… I'll keep her happy as long as I'm alive… or as long as you guys are alive.

SHNIZ: … Who told you that?

SASORI: There's a lot more termites these days…

**great chapter!  
Shniz-If you are George and you worked for sas-gay, why where you working for that lamo Disney guy?  
Tobi-Does Madara bug you in your sleep?  
Itachi-Did you ever think of that surgery that helped peoples that are blind see better?  
All: What is your favorite flavor of pocky?**

**From: FearTheFan**

SHNIZ: Better pay.

TOBI: Yes. Yes he does. –curls into ball-

KISAME: TOBI!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE TEA PARTY!!

TOBI: They kicked me out when they saw me stealing their stuff…

ITACHI: I never trust eye surgeons.

KISAME: Why not?

ITACHI: Because one time, one of them tried to stick a scalpel in my eye!

KISAME: That's how they do the surgery.

ITACHI: Well, it hurt.

KISAME: Don't they knock you out for those kind of things?

ITACHI: Not me…

ALL: ………We can't afford pocky…

**Okay, after this I shall go and see if I've read The Family Project. (I can't remember if I have or not.) **

Questions:  
Pein: Have you ever had a strong urge to sing demented lyrics to a children's song tune?

Hidan: If you had to be someone else, and you couldn't be a Jashinist, who would you be?

Deidara: I like your version of art. You rock!

Itachi: If you could kill only one more person, who would that be?

Sasori: What would you do if someone stole your puppets?

Kisame: Hmm, I like your blue-ness. Do you ever get random songs stuck in your head?

Kakuzu: What would you do if someone took your money and burned it?

Konan: Are you a good cook?

Zetsu: What's your favorite card game?

Tobi: Cake and cookies. Over there (points in a random direction). Get 'em!

Shniz: Go fall in a black hole and tell me what it's like.

All: If any of you can tell me what made me log in this time, I'll give you a plushie of whoever you want.  


**From: SlightlyBroken**

PEIN: Oh yes.

HIDAN: A Satanist. Can I please have fifty dollars?

DEIDARA: FINALLY! Someone who agrees! Sasori, why can't you be like these people!? –no answer- Sasori?

SASORI: -snores-

ITACHI: You.

SASORI: -is punched awake- Ow! What the-!? Oh. Uh… kill you. –falls back asleep.

KISAME: The Blue song is a very common obsession in my head.

KAKUZU: Burn _them_.

KONAN: I'm better than my sister…

-loud roars and gurgles are heard from the kitchen-

ZETSU: Go Fish.

TOBI: -bashes through wall and comes running back-

KISAME: Where'd you get all that stuff?

TOBI: There's a bakery and a candy store 5,000,000 miles away from here! –heavy breathing- I gotta go! –yeah. Goes somewhere.-

SHNIZ: For your information, I've already been in a black hole. And it was very, very, unpleasant.

ITACHI: You wanted to kill someone?

KISAME: To dine on fine seafood!?

HIDAN: To give me fifty dollars for a violent movie? –holds out hand-

KAKUZU: TO give me money?

ZETSU: To bring back my sister?

TOBI: -eating candy nonstop- NOM NOM NOM!!

DEIDARA: Compliment my hairstyle?

SASORI: To become my new puppet?

KONAN: TO trade places with me? Please?

PEIN: To find out about how I got these peircings through my brain?

SHNIZ: Uh…to get me outta here? Please!?

**Konan: why are you so interested in origami?**

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

KONAN: It is yet another hobby to distract me from the dark reality in which I live in.

PEIN: You are the most emo person on this team aren't you-

KONAN: Shut up!! –throws pie at his face-

PEIN: Hey, you're gonna rust my peircings!

**Okay this is the first time me ever doing this but here goes...  
Itachi: what is one GOOD memory of you and Sasuke (and no it can't involve you killing him in anyway)?  
Kisame: did your mother leave you as a child or raise you?  
Sasori: Did you have any other siblings?  
Konan: Do you act as the 'mom' for all the boys, and if so what are some of you 'mom' duties?  
Deidara: Does all your family do art? And if so do they have mouths in their hands too?  
Hidan: What is your favorite way of dying and did your mom show it to you?  
Pein: since you are the Leader, do you and Konan act as parents for the rest of the organization?  
Tobi/Madara: Question for the both of you, what was Itachi's reaction when finding out that he was related to you?  
Kakuzu: Did your family make you have an obsession over money or did their lifestyle make you have the obsession over money?  
Zetsu: What are family reunions like for you?**

**From: Mokana-chan**

ITACHI: The forehead poking. There was a reason I was doing it. –takes out a wooden target dummy- Watch. –shoves fingers straight through the forehead, splintering the wood-

EVERYONE: -tightens forehead protectors-

ITACHI: That's what forehead protectors are for, kids!

KISAME: SHE WAS EATEN AT A SUSHI RESTAURANT!! THIS IS THE 5TH TIME I'VE EXPLAINED THAT!!!

SASORI: I have siblings?

KONAN: Yes. Cleaning, cooking, - louder roars heard from the kitchen- And making sure nobody kills anyone. Which is why Tobi is still alive.

DEIDARA: Not the kind of art _I _was doing. And no, they didn't all have mouths on their hands, just me. –holds up hands-

HIDAN: I wish to die in a way that was featured in Violence the Movie, which I still have yet to gain money to pay for! –is pissed off-

PEIN: If by parents, you mean slave drivers, and by organization you mean ragtag group of freaks, then yes.

TOBI/**MADARA: BWAHAHAHA THE LOOK ON HIS FACE!!! IT WAS FUN TO SEE HIM **_**SQUIRM!!!**_I feel sorta sorry for him. I mean, _I'd_ be sad if _I_ was related to me… **You **_**are**_** you.** WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! **On top of the shock, it put a serious dent in his reputation! He has now become the butt of 6 of the jokes used in the Naruto universe.**

KAKUZU: I started getting obsessed with money when I went through the phase of sniffing everything I came into contact with. Money was my favorite scent.

PEIN: That's a very disturbing phase, Kakuzu…

ZETSU: -sob- FEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRNNNN!!!! –gaaaaaaaaaaaasp- OH GOD, FEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

KISAME: -suddenly punches him-

ZETSU: I like to eat people! –winning smile-

KISAME: That's better.

**Cool! I have no questions... wait! I do now! **

To All Akatsuki: Which fan vids do you prefer?  
-Viva Rock Akatsuki  
-Akatsuki Pirates  
-Cuban Pete  
or  
-Akatsuki Sailors

To everyone again: If you were to be a character from these anime, who would you be?  
-Get Backers  
-Ranma 1/2  
-One Peice  
-Bleach  
-Hell Girl

That's all... 

**From: dark-emo-gal**

PEIN: I shall speak for all the Akatsukis. Akatsuki sailors. We've actually been working on that song for a while now! And… they've never been able to memorize it…

And we only know 3 of the 5 you have listed. And we'd all either be part of the soul reaper's squad, the straw hat pirates, or… some guest characters in GetBackers.

**Deidara- Why are you datin Hinata? (her of all people what the crap!)  
Kakuzu- I still want that dollar...(give me the dollar really really evil glare)  
Itachi- Nobody will buy your contacts even with your name on it...just thought you should know. Question How do you keep your hair so soft and shiny looking i need to know!  
Hidan- I still love you. Have you ever got mad because someone stabbed you for no reason? (would you get mad at me?)  
Pein- Can i rip one of your face things out? (please)  
Tobi- Do you have a cell phone?  
Zetsu (both sides)- do you fight with yourself?  
Sasori-what do you think of Temari's father and her brother Gaara? **

I love you all (kinda) 

**From: xvampirexblood**

DEIDARA: Well, She's the only woman who said yes. And that's all I need to hear. –hmph!-

KAKUZU: No. –gets beat up by you- AAAAGH!!

ITACHI: I think I noticed when I got kicked out of the merchandising company. And about the hair, I keep it soft and shiny by… wait… WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT IT'S SOFT AND SHINY!? –suddenly feels like he's being watched-

HIDAN: Yes, and I would so totally get mad if it was you.

PEIN: _GOD_ NO!!

TOBI: Leader-sama doesn't trust me with one… since that incident…

YOU: What's the incident?

TOBI: I'll tell you!

PEIN: WHY'D YOU ASK!?

TOBI: I shoved a cell phone in a guy's ear and sued us for all we were worth. Which is why we live in the craphole we live in today.

ZETSU: I fight with everyone else. Sure, why not?

SASORI: …… Screw them, I don't care.

ALL: What's with that 'kinda love you all'!?

-:-

"Why won't you give me $50!?" Hidan asked Kakuzu. "Because no one _wants_ to. No one wants to give _anyone_ $50." Kakuzu said. "And besides, Hidan did you hear?"

"What?"

"They cancelled the movie. Apparently the movie was so violent and random, 6 of the viewers heads exploded." Hidan stared, mouth agape. "_That's_ how violent it was!? _I_ want my head to explode!" He whined. "Well, it's too late now." Kakuzu said.

I suppose, in memory of those six viewers whose heads exploded to the extreme violence of the movie.


	10. EPISODE 10 DAWN OF THE TOBI

**Kisame's Corner**

Chapter 10

"Due to a donations by a couple of fans, (not pointing any fingers, you know who you are,) Hidan's head has exploded into millions of pieces and all the brain cells morphed into TINY HIDAN HEADS!!" Kisame announced.

"Is that even possible?" Itachi asked.

"It wasn't _supposed_ to be possible, but I guess the laws of physics don't apply! Now he keeps yelling at me, and swearing at me, and reminding me of my various insecurities that are TOO NUMEROUS AND EMBARASSING TO ANNOUNCE HERE!!" Kisame yelled angrily.

"You realize that you just set off a whole chain reaction of questions before the show actually started, right?" Itachi said. Kisame slapped his forehead. "Yeah… let's just get this show on the road…"

"LIGHTS!! CAMERA!! ACTION!!" Kisame yelled. Immediately, the lights, cameras, and staff workers (bar Akatsukis) exploded.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Kisame asked. "You gave the computer too many commands! Everything overloaded!" Kakuzu said, trying to contain the fire… with gas.

"Alright… while Kakuzu kills himself… and probably take us with him… let's start the show." Kisame said.

**Tobi-Here's lots of pocky hands him five-zillion pocky**

Itachi-My friend wants to date you. Would you date her?

Pein--takes out giant pliers- I'm gonna rip out nose peircings!chases after him

Konan-What's that noise in the kitchen?

Deidara-Why you die?

Sasori-Has anyone called you Pinocchio?

Kakuzu-Yay we're both money obsessed!

Hidan-How many copies of the Jashin bible are there?

Zetsu-Why do you have a fly trap head?

Kisame-Has anyone thought you were going to die because of your skin color?

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

TOBI: -trembles then explodes into a million Tobis- OMNOMNOMNOM!!!

ITACHI: No.

PEIN: OH YEAH!? –puts on Tobi mask- TRY AND FIND ME WHEN I'M SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF!!

KISAME: The only one who looks like you is Tobi.

PEIN: Exactly! I attached a very itchy cloning device to the back of his neck! And now, whenever I press this button, it releases 1,000 Tobis! (And I just pressed it 100 times!)

KISAME: Tobi, whatever you do… don't spontaneously clone a million of you. Like… last time. (please recall Attack of the Tobi)

TOBI: -swells up like a balloon- I REGRET NOTHING!! –blows up into a million (more) Tobis-

KONAN: Don't worry, It's gone now.

-Mutilated hand sticks out of the doorway-

KONAN: -shoves it back in- All gone.

DEIDARA: Why you bad grammar? (lol jk no one really cares)

SASORI: -flashbacks to grade school; a single tear rolls down his cheek-

KAKUZU: Hoo…ray?

HIDAN: I had the only copy. And Zetsu mistook it for a sandwich… -grumbles to self-

Oh yeah. One of the mini-me's tried to shove himself into a girl's ass and… well, _I _wouldn't go that low, y'know? If I'm having sex, I want the girl to _know_.

KONAN: You're disgusting.

HIDAN: Yeah well, so id your food.

KONAN: My food is perfectly edible!

HIDAN: Oh yeah? Then why does Pein have all your hamburgers in cages?

PEIN: FYI, they rebelled against me. I got it all under control though. Except for one. Keep a lookout.

ZETSU: Tryin' to kick me while I'm down, eh? My Girlfriend left me and I just found out that my parents were cut down by Paul Bunion and that STUPID OX OF HIS!! That's low man. _Real low._

KISAME: Sometimes _I _think I'm dying. On the inside… -goes emo-

**One question for everyone: What is your favorite movie genre?**

Hmm, well you were all wrong on the log-in thing, but... since I'm a (semi-)nice girl, I'll give everyone except for Itachi and Sasori two dollars. Hands out money Now go spend it on something worthless.

**From: SlightlyBroken**

ALL: Action-horror- comedy. Yesh.

TOBI: WE'LL SPEND IT ON MORE POCKY!!!

TOBIS: RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

--

All the Tobis stormed out of the studio and ran towards the nearest grocery store. Which is where Deidara was walking to, unfortunately.

"Aah, finally, some peace and quiet…" Deidara sighed. He heard a rumbling sound behind him and turned around. He saw an army of Tobis swarming towards him.

"Wow. It's almost as if the world _wants_ to kill me. I just want it's working perfectly." He crossed his arms. "Good job, world." Deidara braced himself for the worst, but instead of the worst, he was thrown a piece of wood and started surfing on the waves of Tobis.

"INVADE THE MARKETING INDUSTRY!!!" The lead General Tobi roared, running towards the store.

"Thank you for your patronage!" The store clerk said happily. Hinata had just finished grocery shopping when she saw an army of Tobi and Deidara smash against the windows.

"…"

-Back at Kisame's Corner-

**Okay I can't think of a question for all of you this time so I won't even try... I'll just question some of you. But I love you all...except Hidan...: death glare:  
Kisame the cool shark man: How was the salmon pie? –happy emote-  
Zetsu: Uh...sorry for bringing back bad memories...twice... Uh how's the cannibal thing working out for you now?  
Tobi: Er Tobi when you came by for the tea party I think you accidentally took the coffee maker with you...and a pie sheet...and a few forks... Can we have them back? I'll give you a cookie if you do.  
Konan: Don't feel emo, most of us fangirls think you're a totally awesome character, and you don't look like a guy.**

Eh, that's all I can think of...oh except one for all of you!  
What's your least favorite show tune?

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: Very good, thank you. Except for the fact that I remembered that I'm allergic to all fish except sharks. –swells up-

ZETSU: Very good, actually. Thank you. Though… I would like to fit in with the "normal" crowd and not get ridiculed and have rocks thrown at you but… It's still good. –tear-

TOBI: -currently terrorizing grocery stores- (I did? Oh, sorry. I'll return those when I'm done eating pocky. Yay cookie!!)

KONAN: Thank… you…! –sniffles-

PEIN: Oh don't get so emotional. No one really thinks you look like a guy anyway!

KONAN: You did.

PEIN: Well, I'm an evil villain. Whaddaya want from me? 

KONAN: Better manners towards the woman who agreed to go out with you while only slightly drunk.

ALL: DISNEY!! D8

PEIN: THEY THINK SONGS ARE EVERYTHING!!

**But their movies are pretty good anyways. –hmph-**

**Hidan: (This is one person we were talking about- (question is censored)  
Deidara: Break Hinata's heart and Ill break your face... got it?**

Zetsu: I fight with myself too! Cool! SHH... THEY DONT KNOW THAT...

Pein: Why are your eyes pink? Albino or something?

Konan: I pity you... And sure! Lets trade lives!

**From: dark-emo-gal**

DEIDARA: -still smashed against window- I think my face is already broken… Can one of you Tobis move your feet!?

ZETSU: FINALLY!! Someone who knows what I'm going through!! –is happy-

PEIN: They're not pink. They're _light red._

ITACHI: Guess what? They already made a color for light red. It's called PINK.

(quote from Griff)

KONAN: -packs up things- Let's go!

**Yo! Questions for you guys.  
Konan: Can I trade places with you? I'd do anything to be in Akatsuki with those morons!  
Deidara: Dump Hinata. I think she still likes Naruto. :D  
Itachi: If your sharingans are making you go blind, why do you still keep them on?  
Hidan: I'll give you $50 to get Brave heart on DVD! It's a beautiful story about a Scottish dude ripping people's heads off! It's so violent you'll cry!  
Kakuzu: I have a dollar and you don't!  
Tobi: Are you getting fat from all that cake and cookies? -hands Tobi a cookie-  
Pein: How much did it cost to get all those peircings?  
Zetsu: I have a lonely tree in my front yard who'd like to meet you.  
Shniz: Do you want a cookie? Well I'm not giving you it; I'm giving it to Tobi. :D So there. Ha.**

Anyways... I'll give all you dudes a dollar if you can sing the Sailor Song in perfect harmony.

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

KONAN: AWESOME!! TWO REPLACEMENTS!! God help both your souls.

--

Kisame rode a boat through the sea of Tobis and found Deidara. "Kisame! Thank god, you came for me!" Deidara said happily.

"Yup! Here's your question!" Kisame handed him a sticky note and left. "W-WAIT!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?" Deidara yelled. He was now stuck in a sea of Tobi with a sticky note on his forehead.

"Hey senpai," One of the Tobis said. "You look like one of those Zombie things from Shaman King!" Deidara merely punched him in the face.

--

ITACHI: I'm blind if I _don't_ keep them on.

HIDAN: For your Information, I've already seen it. Beautiful story. –tear-

KAKUZU: IS THAT A TEAR!?!?

HIDAN: NO!!

KAKUZU: Good. 'Cuz real men DON'T CRY.

HIDAN: You're money is burning.

KAKUZU: -holding back tears- (Answer to question: UP YOURS!!)

--

Kisame rode out again into the sea of Tobis. "You know, maybe I should just stay here!" He muttered. "yes, stay here and HELP ME!!" Deidara yelled.

He held up the question tied to a rock. "WHO WANTS THIS ONE!?" he yelled, holding it up in the air. "I DO!!" A random Tobi called. Kisame responded by throwing the rock at the Tobi. "Ow."

--

PEIN: More than I make in a year! (Meh, that's not a lot…)

ZETSU: I don't like older women. And plus, trees are very good at hiding their gender (if you know what I mean, -wink, wink-)

ALL: -scoots away-

SHNIZ: Which Tobi? –points to sea of Tobi-

TOBIZ: OI!!

(We will save that last request for the end of the chapter)

**Hi!! First time I'm asking some questions, so here I go:**

Kisame: You're my favorite Akatsuki member! Okay, how would you feel if I cosplayed as you? Just asking.

Pein: Are you...possibly...an alien...? (It's from one of my fanfics)

Hidan: You're my second favorite! Anyways, are you albino? You have pink eyes and white hair.

Itachi: My sister cosplayed as you for Halloween, how does that make you feel?

Deidara: Cool! We're both artists! I love your way of art though, making things explode is fun! -evil smile-

Thanks!

From: Kawazoe Michiyo

KISAME: Thank you. It has been so long since I received positive feedback. I thought it all dried up at the beginning of my career! And yes, you can cosplay as me.

PEIN: No, I'm a robot. NO ONE MUST KNOW.

ITACHI: You just _yelled_ it over the intercom.

PEIN: Damn!

HIDAN: Albino? Meh. –is uninterested-

ITACHI: It makes me feel mortified that a person with BOOBS cosplayed as me. Your sister _does_ have boobs, right?

KONAN (from her car): -throws rock that says Disgusting and your- YOU MAY WANT TO PUT THOSE IN THE CORRECT ORDER!! –drives off-

--

Kisame threw Deidara a question. That was tied to a rock. "'nother question." He muttered, turning a page in a magazine.

"WHY DON'T YOU FEED ME!?" Deidara yelled back. "'Cuz I don't like you!" Kisame yelled.

**lol! I love this okays I have questions/comments for you.  
Dei-kun (Deidara): Do you honestly love Hinata? (if you don't I'll kill you...-brings out katana-)  
Swirl-kun (Tobi)- hi! I love you! in a lot of my fanfics(I'll post them soon) i pair you up with my crazy OC, Remi. P.S- why do wear a mask? Take the damn thing off!)  
Madara:...why Swirl-kun? (no offence Tobi) really, you could have done much better.  
Ri-kun(Sasori): why did you have to go and die...?  
Fish-kun(Kisame): You fight with a tampon. DEAL WITH IT!  
Konan: I feel for you...really.  
Pei-kun(Pein): How could do that to your own son? Why put Kyuubi in Naru-kun?!!??!?!? (P.S.: your son is stupid. WTF is with 'Believe it!'? Does he have ADD/ADHD?)  
Ita-kun(Itachi): ...your hot...  
I don't have questions for the rest of you(...yet...) so i'll give you your nicknames:  
Zu-kun(Kakuzu)  
Dan-kun(Hidan)  
Plant-kun(Zetsu)**

**From: d3m3nt3dchildx3**

Kisame was faxed a few questions for Deidara, Tobi, and himself. He threw another rock at Deidara, and another at a random pile of Tobis, who swarmed around the rock-question.

"O-Of course I love Hinata! In fact, I'm talking to her right now! Except she can't hear me through the sound-proof glass." Deidara answered. "LET ME IN!!!" He wrote on the glass. To Hinata it looked like "NI EM TEL" Hinata merely wrote a question mark on a piece of cardboard. "Dammit!"

One random Tobi that grabbed the rock answered the question addressed to Tobi. "The reason (We) wear the mask is because it's become part of my face. Kind of." It said before being drowned out by a wave of Tobis.

"**Why the swirly-masked idiot, you ask? Well, heh, the choice wasn't mine to make. One minute I'm walking around Hell, minding my own business, and the next thing I know, I'm in this idiot! It's not so bad I guess. The fans, and so many people offering to have sex with me! Back when I was alive, people scorned you for being a villain. Nowadays, you have fans lining up at your doorway to get your signature or articles of clothing. The attention feels great." **Madara explained.

--

SASORI: Because I was tired of… _this_… -refers to group of Akatsukis in background-

KISAME: Why do people keep making bad nicknames for us? IT'S NOT A TAMPON GODDAMMIT!!

KONAN: Thanks…

PEIN: He is not my son. HE IS NOT MY SON!! And even if he were, he wouldn't have inherited my traits. Sure, he has the spiky hair, and I may have had a few whiskers when I was a kid but… that does not mean he has inherited my genes. Completely.

KONAN: He sure inherited your skills…

PEIN: YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING TEASED ABOUT HAVING WHISKERS!!

ITACHI: Yes. Yes I am.

**Um...Hidan if you really want to see the movie I bootlegged Violence the movie just in case (Although there was that one random guy in front whose head exploded)**

Any who questions for all of you If you could be stuck in a Horror movie which one would it be?

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

PEIN: Does Scary Movie 4 count? 'cuz that's the one I'd be in.

KONAN: The Ring.

ITACHI: Dawn of the Dead.

KISAME: JAWS!! (Technically a thriller but…)

SASORI: Pinnocchio. Believe me, if you think about it the way I do, it IS a horror flick.

DEIDARA: DOOM.

HIDAN: VIOLENCE THE MOVIE!!

KAKUZU: something involving money.\

ZETSU: The fog…?

TOBI: CAREBEARS THE MOVIE!! –If you think about it, it IS a horror film-

**MADARA:** **SCREAM. And scream, and SCREAM!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Oh god. I am very evil today.**

SHNIZ: Friday the 13th…?

**Hey everyone! Neko is back!  
This question is for all of you (including Madara):  
If there was the slight chance of zombies taking over the world and eating peoples brains, what is your zombie plan?  
I know you all have one so don't lie and say you don't cough(Pein)cough.**

**From: nekomaniac13**

PEIN: Unleash my Tobi army against the Zombies and when we prevail, I SHALL BE KING!!

KONAN: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

ZETSU: Eat them.

ITACHI: Use my forehead crushing technique. Which is what I was practicing on Sasu-gay when we were kids!

KISAME: Go back to my parents house AND COLLECT A BIG FAT INHERITANCE!!

TOBI: Hug them! Then they'd be Zombies that ONLY LOVE!!

DEIDARA: You've been talking to Caboose again, haven't you? Anyway, my plan is to blow them all up. INCLUDING YOU.

SASORI: Unleash my Puppet-based wrath on them.

KAKUZU: Pay them to leave me alone.

HIDAN: As the holy (Jashin) bible says, 'Thou shalt Kill, and kill, and KILL!!"

SHNIZ: Curl up in a ball and pray they don't get me.

**MADARA: FART ON THEM!!**

PEIN: That's… horrible…

**MADARA: EXACTLY! THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS TO FIGHT IT WITH SOMETHING EVEN MORE HORRIBLE!! In my case it's farts… hehe –fart-**

**lol.  
Itachi: I KNOW WHY U POKED SASUKE! its the 'off' button! It really works! gets poked in forehead Ah-oh...O.O silence  
friend starts typing for shadow  
Kisame: I like sushi.   
Kakuzu stole your fifty dollahs!  
Hidan: gives Kakuzu's fifteh dollahs  
Tobi: I WOKE UP AT FIVE AM! NOT. HEALTHY.!  
-pokes everyone in the fore head except Itachi cuz he's the "Inventor" of the poking-**

me: wtf happe-poked Ah-oh...O.O

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

ITACHI: actually… that was the second reason. The first, if everyone recalls, was that poking foreheads can be very deadly. Observe. –takes two fingers and shoves it through a brick wall-

KISAME: Heh… that's nice…

KAKUZU: F-curses violently-

HIDAN: Wait- what the-!? –Cursing Kakuzu chases Hidan-

TOBI: I'd imagine it isn't.

**K, I got more questions...oh and the 'i love you all (kinda)' thing was i love Hidan, Sasori, Pein, Tobi, Kakuzu and Deidara more than Zetsu, Kisame and since I'm a girl i don't really like Konan. Anyway the questions.**

Itachi- Do you think Sasuke is gay?

Sasori-get that stick out of your ass, and are you really 35?

Deidara- i think you can get a girl that's way better than Hinata...(me) who said that? looks around

Tobi- you're a good boy don't listen to mean leader-sama.

Pein- stop being so mean to Tobi.

Kakuzu- I WANT $50 now Smiles

well again I love you all (kinda)

**From: xvampirexblood**

ITACHI: 'Gay' is practically half his name. So I assume that he is gay.

SASORI: No. I'm not 35. I'm 40. –smokes cigarette-

DEIDARA: STFU

TOBI: WILL DO! –salutes-

PEIN: Oh sure, follow the crazed fangirls. AND YOU!! SHUT UP!! All I'm being is a GOOD LEADER!! 

KONAN: -(yeah right…)-

KAKUZU: My fifty dolla. –holds up $50-

Itachi: -burns it with Mangekyou-

PEIN: You realize those $50 were your paycheck for the whole year.

ITACHI: Dammit! Forced myself into deeper bankruptcy!

**Just so you know this is fireninja1, I changed my name because I became obsessed with kingdom hearts(chain of memories & II)... XemnasMansex, XigbarBigrax**

Pein: Good job on killing Xemnas. Now all you need to do is kill his heartless: 

**Ansem- I mean Xehanort. Also if you need a powerful member, can I suggest letting Grimmjaw Jaggerjack (bleach) join?  
Kakuzu: Did you know you personality is almost identical to Luxord's?  
Hidan: If you are immortal...HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!? and Haha you use the same weapon as Marluxia!!(Queer, Pink haired organization XI member)  
Kisame: Do you eat chicken? throws Demyx's sitar at you  
Itachi: Why did you leave SasuGAY alive? Seriously...WHAT THE FK!?!?!?!?!?! Actually why did you kill your family to begin with? also I have decided to stop insulting you. shoots you in the knees then sets you on fire  
Deidara: How many mouths do you eat with?  
Sasori: If your heart is preserved, then where is your brain? (your possibly brainless)  
Obito Tobi: HOW THE FK DO YOU SURVIVE IN AKATSUKI?!?!?!?!?!  
Madara Tobi: How many clones of you are there...(Akatsuki: attack of the Tobi 2! OMG SEQUILL! NO!)  
Konan O'Brian: Why do you wear a Hawaiian flower on your head?  
Zetsu: Is there a Canadian version of you? (I live in Canada)**

**From: Lynxad the Machine Demon**

PEIN: Yeah. We've been hunting him down for a while now but he hasn't turned up.

-Guy in trench coat (that looks a lot like Ansem) in the backround-

I wonder where he is…

And as for that Grimmjaw… I'm avoiding people with long complicated names. But, I put him on the call back list.

KAKUZU: I play cards with him all the time. At least up before the point where he was killed by a teenager and his Disney friends.

HIDAN: Older than you. And my scythe is not gay. –hmph!-

KISAME: Maybe- OW!! WHERE'D THAT COME FROM!? –looks around the sea of Tobi but sees nothing-

ITACHI: Aw, I felt sorry for the kid. But now I'm sorry for me. It's really hard to kill him now! And I killed my family because it was a phase I was going through. It kinda went out of hand, as you can see.

DEIDARA: Only one.

SASORI: -opens up head- Happy now?

TOBI: I don't. I'm clone number 586739.2.

**MADARA: See the idiot's statement before.**

KONAN: WHAT THE FUCK!? And it's not a Hawaiian flower, it's something Pein gave me a while back. It's actually made of paper.

ZETSU: Yes. I believe it's my second cousin that is outside your window.

-Zetsu's cousin waves to you outside window- "Don't tell the cops I'm here"

--

"Hey, Deidara! We got a singing request from a random fan!" Kisame yelled at Deidara. "Which song?" Deidara asked. "The Sailor Song!" Kisame answered. "Aw shit, I hate that song!" Deidara muttered angrily.

"Here's a grappling hook to get you out!" Kisame threw him a rope. "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS EARLIER!?" Deidara asked angrily as the hook hit his eye. "AAGH!! DAMMIT!!" Kisame hoisted Deidara up.

--

"Alright, Akatsukis, Like we practiced!" Pein called, raising his hands up. "BROADWAY OR BUST!!" He yelled.

Hidan raised his hand. "WHO'S BUST!!?? ROFLMAO!!" He yelled stupidly, clapping his hands in amusement. Konan whacked him over the head with a chair.

One, Two, three!

_SO IF WE ALL COME TOGETHER,_

_WE KNOW WHAT TO DO!_

_WE ALL COME TOGETHER JUST TO SING_

"_WE LOVE YOU!!"_

At the sound of the horrible sound coming from Kisame's boat, the Tobis began wailing in agony and one of them exploded.

"HOLY SHIT!!"

"KEEP SINGING GUYS! IT'S MAKING THE TOBI'S POP!!"

_And if we all come together_

_We know what to do_

_We all come together just for you!_

Konan jumped on stage.

_Racing all around the 7 seas_

_Chasing all the girls _

_And making robberies_

_Causing panic everywhere they go_

_Party hardy on Titanic!_

_Sailing, Sailing, Jumping off the railing!_

_Drinking, Drinking, 'til the ship is sinking_

_Gambling, stealing, lots of sex appealing_

_Come let's sing the Sailor song!_

_-chorus-_

_AAAHHH!!!_

The end. BE HAPPY. That's all you're gonna get!

BTW, Konan sang the girl part.

And in the end, All the Tobis started a riot, and instead of solving the problem, they actually made things worse.

That exploding Tobi in the beginning… Yeah. It was just the horrible result of instant panic.

"Yeah, baby, you can sail my ship!" Pein said to Konan. She slapped him hard in the face.

And then they all lived in a world horribly similar to Attack of the Tobi for the rest of this chapter.

**THE END. (of the chapter)**


	11. EPISODE 11: Technical Difficulties

**Kisame's Corner**

The Sea of Tobi has gotten to the point where Kisame and Deidara were yelling at them for no good reason. But (once again) a reason did exist.

"Come on guys, IT'S NEW YEARS!! We've been here for exactly one month!" Kisame yelled at them. "One month? ANNIVERSARY!!" One of the Tobis yelled in excitement. Immediately it caught on and all the Tobis started rocking the boat. "…I'm going to be sick…" Deidara leaned over the edge of the boat and barfed. So did his hands. And his chest… yeah. And Kisame felt sick and barfed a little as well.

When he was done…

"Hey Deidara, I got an idea." Kisame went to the tip of the boat. "HEY!! TOBI CLONES!!" None of the Tobis paid attention. "UP HERE!!!" Immediately they stopped whatever they were doing and stared at Kisame. It was so quiet you could hear a coke can drop to the floor in the distance.

"Uh… You guys are doing a very bad thing!" Kisame yelled to them. "What are we doing that's so bad?" One of the (smarter?) Tobis asked. "Well, existing, for starters." Kisame said. "How is existing bad!?" Another (smart?) Tobi asked. "Hey if existing is bad, then we should go around and kill everybody so that they're not being bad!" another Tobi shouted. They all cheered. Aren't they cute?

Kisame yelled to stop them. "NO, IT'S NOT THEIR EXISTANCE, It's your existence… specifically!" He said. "Why!?" The first Tobi asked. "Well you trapped everyone In their houses. And everyone who's not in their houses are drowning or dead!" Kisame explained. "How do we fix the problem?" Another Tobi asked.

"KILL YOURSELVES is an option." Kisame said. "I know! We'll teleport us to mars!" A Tobi said. The Tobis around all cheered. "You can do that?" Kisame asked. "If you believe, anything is possible!" The Tobi said. "Okay, then I _believe_ you should do that as soon as humanly possible! In fact, humanly possible is _right now._ DO IT!" In an instant, all the Tobis exploded.

"...Now that that problem's fixed, there's another one." Kisame said. "WHERE'S THE GROUND UNDER THE BOAT!?" He yelled. They immediately crashed to the ground.

Kisame woke up in a couch at the Kisame's Corner studio. "Oh god… my head…" he groaned. "Oh, finally, he's up! Roll the cameras!" Pein yelled. "What!?" A bright light flashed at him.

He looked around and saw everyone at their stations. "What happened?" he asked. "We dragged you guys from the streets to avoid unwanted attention. Now say words that'll make the ratings go up!" Pein yelled.

"Uh… hi everybody!" Kisame said, fake enthusiasm obvious. "CUT!! Okay, we're gonna try that again, only we're gonna stop sucking." Pein said, walking behind the camera. "Action!"

Before he could say anything, Kisame let out a huge, loud, put-fat-people-who-happen-to-be-burping-champions-to-shame burp. Infuriated, Pein stomped up to Kisame and started randomly punching him. "GAH!! YOU CALL THAT GOOD RATINGS!? MY BALLS!!" He head-butted Kisame, knocking him out cold. "I'M GONNA KICK YOU IN THE BA-"

**TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES**

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**OR PEIN WILL BEAT YOU UP**

-:-

**Tobi's Talkshow**

Tobi walked on stage. "Hello. I am Tobi, and welcome to Tobi's Talkshow. We will be temporarily replacing Kisame's Corner for this chapter. The first order of business is to thank the Nobody-Somebody for being our 100th reviewer. There is no special prize, but we'd like to thank you for bothering to review and ask questions." Tobi said.

"Now, we shall answer questions." He announced.

**Pein- did some mental function go wrong when you kept the cloning machine?  
Itachi- how's sas-gay's exorcism thing going? btw, are the fangirls at bay or somethin' cuz they haven't been around. Hm...  
Kisame- what happened to you NOT eating fish, because salmon and sushi are fish.  
Hidan- why did you decide to follow Jashin in the first place. Besides killing people.  
Deidara- please ignore my sister's comment's (GaaraxxxheartxxxAi). I could care less who you guys are dating, unless its each other. -shivers-  
Konan- I'm giving you 900,0,0,0,0 pounds. Why? Because I don't trust Pein with it, he'll just use it for peircings, Kisame was my first option, but some very strange things popped into my head, and Itachi would use it as something to his own advantage, and so would Hidan, and Kakuzu, and Deidara, and Madara, and Tobi, and Shniz. And Konan, you better be responsible with it, or you die. It's to be used for repairs for the lair, some basic needs, and your paychecks. And why pounds? Because the American dollar is sinking faster than a rock. What a shame.  
Kakuzu- what is your get rich quick scheme?  
Tobi/Madara- would you happen to read Fruits Basket. -Pictures something hilarious- Haha...  
Shniz- maybe you should find a new place of work.  
Zetsu- -hugs Zetsu- I always wanted to hug a plant guy with multiple personality disorder! **

BYE-BYEZ! HAPPZY THANKSGIVING! 

**From: FearTheFan (on a note, these questions were written around Thanksgiving time)**

PEIN: F-censor-K OFF!!

ITACHI: he cancelled that gig a long time ago. Kinda hard to keep a business when there's only one ghost haunting people.

KISAME: Guurrgh… my face… OH IS THAT SUSHI!? –runs to eat at the hospital cafeteria-

HIDAN: It was a family tradition. No, I don't know where it came from.

DEIDARA: You and me both.

KONAN: Uh… thanks.

KAKUZU: Kill people and take their wallets.

TOBI: I do. Madara, however, keeps ripping the pages out just in spite of me. **IT'S FUN. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME IT'S REALLY GREAT. **

SHNIZ: I would… but… you know, what's the point.

TOBI: Aw come on! What happened to the Shniz that always sucked up to people?

SHNIZ: he DIED. Died along with my dreams. –sobs to self-

ZETSU: -resists urge to bite-

**lol, i CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SANG IT!! **

Tobi: Get rid of the clones, and you get a cookie cake. -wave's cookie cake in face-  
Itachi: Do you like sushi? Does it piss off Kisame?  
Kisame: You have cool hair! And if this is YOUR corner, why does Itachi get more questions?  
Konan: Your hair is awesome! How do you get it so nice:D  
Deidara: Do you enjoy writing poetry as well as clay sculptures?  
Zetsu: I have a rose bush that wants to meet you too.  
Hidan: What was your favorite part of Brave heart?  
Kakuzu: Take a dollar. -hands dollar-  
Pein: What are your peircings made of...?  
Shniz: HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE??! -throws tomato in face-  
Madara: Do you like pie?  
Sasori: It must suck being made outta wood...

Anyways, thanks for singing the sailor song. You each get two dollars! And a big pie! 

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

TOBI: Already done! –scarfs down cake in one bite-

ITACHI: No. Actually, Kisame gave up on the whole 'not eating fish' thing. Now he just doesn't eat sharks.

KISAME: I honestly have no idea –continues to eat Sushi in hospital bed-

KONAN: I have my ways.

DEIDARA: Poetry? HA! I spit on poetry! –spits and hits Konan-

KONAN: -punches Deidara-

ZETSU: -is currently eating someone- Uh… this is awkward…

HIDAN: ALBA GUBRA!!

KAKUZU: -takes wallet-

PEIN: Wood. Very, very painful wood.

SHNIZ: I'm like Kenny (from South Park), I never truly die. (mutters: What's the point of wiping off this tomato crap?)

**MADARA: Depends. What kind of pie?**

SASORI: Yeah. 'Specially if you're having sex. Totally sucks.

**Okay, this question is for everyone:  
Who's your favorite X-Men mutant? **

P.S.- You're all invited to my friends house for a game of cards, she just doesn't know it yet. 

**From: Slightly Broken**

TOBI: No one here really reads X-Men except for Konan. (who uses Marvel comics to escape her dim reality) Her words not mine.

KONAN: I don't have a favorite.

**lol. good chappie.  
Itachi: I still lub you!**

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

ITACHI: If I still had an ounce of humanity left, that would be a very touching statement.

**Yay! Akatsuki Sailors! **

To everyone: My name's.. actually our names is Adell, Abi and Gale. Lol! We're the same person in one body! Gale here is evil... Abi here is like Tobi and Im Adell teh neutral one...

Konan: Let's trade lives now! TT we're studying Noli Me Tangere in Filipino Language! I suck at Filipino.

Deidara: Do NOT break Hinata's heart or else!

Kabuto: I dunno why I put this here... but... HOW DARE YOU GROPE HINATA! -shouts loud enough for Deidara to heal- (he groped her in the part where he was "healing" her in the Chunin exams)

Itachi: ...Staring contest?

Pein: WTF?!?! -Gale's slaps him

Kisame: BLUE! -Abi glomps him-

Hidan: ...You wanna go to a violence convention? Adell 

**From: dark-emo-gal**

ALL: That's nice.

KONAN: I'm not exactly an expert either. Let's not –somewhat smiling face??-

DEIDARA: You're the –counts- 11th person to tell me that. And don't worry, I won't or the rabid fangirls will come to have my soul. I've heard it a thousand times.

-reads next question-

Really now? Time to go. –readies shotgun- Shniz! Carry my stuff!

SHNIZ: which bag? There's like 10 of them.

DEIDARA: PICK ONE!!

TOBI: But… _I'm_ the one who carries your stuff!

DEIDARA: Times change, Tobi. Times change.

ITACHI: Are you sure you want to do that?

PEIN: perfect! As if being incarcerated wasn't enough!

KISAME: -screams in pain- AAGH!! GET OFF!! GET OFF!! AAAAAHHHH!!!

HIDAN: Sure, why not?

**questions... **

Itachi- have you ever considered dating a guy...like maybe deidara, cuz well idunno. I've read some stories.

Deidara & Sasori- have you read the yaoi stories about you, awe man they're good.

Tobi- me love you!

Kisame- do you ever sing 'just keep swimming' to yourself? (be honest)

Well me love you all...(kinda)(//.) 

**From: xvampirexblood**

ITACHI: … WHAT THE HELL.

DEIDARA (and Sasori): WE'RE NOT GAY!!

TOBI: … -smiles :D-

KISAME: No. –shifty eyes- I sing a lot of songs, alright? Y'know?

**Itachi: your the only Akatsuki I hate! DIE!(shotes him)  
Kisame: your my favorite character. What type of girl do you like?  
Zetsu: (brings sister back to life) stop crying!  
Kakuzu: here's 50 bucks  
Hidan: Can I join your religion?  
Konan: How do you survive being the only female of the Akatsuki?  
Deidara: can you blow up the white house for me?  
Tobi: (gives huge& cake) YOUR A GOOD BOY!  
Pein: don't be mean to Tobi!  
P.s. I want Kisame to sing and dance to Cuban Pete!**

**From: kgf**

ITACHI: …You spelled 'shoots' wrong. I don't think I have to worry about someone who can get that wrong.

KISAME: I think that would be obvious by now…

ZETSU: SHE'S A LIFELESS DOLL!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!

KAKUZU: thank… you… this is the nicest gift I've ever received… Next to the thousand dollars my grandmother sent me.

HIDAN: What about the bouquet of rare flowers that a fangirls gave to you?

KAKUZU: Not even close.

HIDAN: NO!! ONLY THE CHOSEN PEOPLE SHALL JOIN!!

KONAN: I just do.

DEIDARA: I would but,… the CIA's been watching me like a hawk lately. I bet these guys don't have a life. I bet they haven't had a date since college!

-starts yelling to black van outside base- YA HEAR THAT NERDS!? I'M ONTO YOU!!!!

--van drives away- and a black ice cream truck arrives-

TOBI: OOH! ICE CREAM!! –jumps out (5th story) window-

**Madara: Me and Tobi are in pain right now. We cannot answer any questions from now on.**

-cake falls on Tobi's head- Aw man…

PEIN: BITE ME! –double finger-

p.s: There's a flash like that on DeviantART… look it up and LEAVE US A LONE!! THE SAILOR SONG WAS A ONE-TIME DEAL!! Unless the leader says otherwise.

**Can I ask a question? **

Okay, me and my friend like different Akatsuki. I like Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Hidan; and she likes Deidara, Sasori, Itachi, and Pein. The only one we both like is Konan.(There is only one other character like that) Now I need a straight answer, which group is better?

Thnx!

From: the Nobody-Somebody 

TOBI: Where's me?

PEIN: I say the one with _me_ in it is the best. I give meaning to your meaningless lives.

KISAME: No, it's me! I'm the host of this show!

PEIN: well I'M THE LEADER!! –punches Kisame-

KISAME: -mortally pissed- OH NO YOU DIDN'T!! –punches leader-

-everyone punches each other in a fistfight-

Shniz looked at the fight before him, deciding whether he should join or not. "FIGHT!!" he jumped in head first into the whole mess.

**TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES**

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**-:-**

Tobi, who had a black eye (not that we could tell) was sitting at the Talkshow desk. "Hello, welcome back to the show. Since everyone else is either incarcerated or in the hospital, I will now continue with the show with an Omake Theatre: A Day in the life of Me! Tobi! Enjoy!"

Omake Theatre: A Day In The Life of Tobi

Morning-

"YAAY!!" He jumped out of bed and walked to the bathroom. As he was trying to brush his teeth, his mask got in the way as always. "Aww… -disappointment-"

As he walks to the kitchen, he realizes there's a camera following him. "Huh? WHO ARE YOU!? AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! –spaz attack-" He apparently fell down the stairs and into the kitchen, amazingly landing in his chair. Noticing that there was actual Buttered toast on the table, he yelled, "Yay! Real food!" He tried to eat it, but the mask, once again, got in his way.

Watching TV-

The TV just exploded. "Aw… -disappointed-" And the couch broke. " Aw… -deeper disappointment-" and Shniz came by and said Hello. "F-K!!"

On a Mission-

The branch in the tree he was hiding in breaks and landed in front of enemy. "Aw! –slight frustration-" he is now screaming like a baby and running away from the enemy, bringing embarrassment once again to the Akatsuki name.

Lunch-

Tries again to eat the same buttered toast. "Rgh… -frustration-"

Checking Email-

From Deidara

Subject: You suck!

Message: YOU SUCK. YOU FAIL. YOU'RE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE WORLD!!

"Aw… -depression-

Subject: You rock!

"Yay!"

Sender: Shniz

"…Aw… -anger-depression-"

Meeting-

"Tobi, you failed the mission. You will now have to redeem yourself with an even tougher mission." Pein said. Tobi broke his pencil.

Later that Night-

Tobi came back to the house all beaten up and had an arrow in his back. "Ugh…" He tries once more to eat the same buttered toast. Failing again, he shoves the toast in the camera's face.

Brushing his teeth-

Fails again due to mask. "Argh… -annoyance-"

Sleep time-

He sighs in relaxation and lies down on his bed. And the bed breaks and crashes through the floor and into Kakuzu's room.

"TOBI!! FIX MY CEILING!!" Kakuzu ordered. "And maybe a sandwich."

With no skill with power tools, he nearly cut off his own hand.

8:00 in the morning-

He finally goes to bed and relaxes. When suddenly Pein power-sawed his way into his room. "TOBI YOU HAVE ANOTHER MISSION!!" he yelled. He looked around him and at the wall. "And fix the wall, it got messed up for some reason." With that, Pein power-sawed his way through the door. "FIX THAT TOO!!"

Tobi's eye twitched. "Ugh… -Anger-depression-frustration-

Omake Theatre: A Life In The Life of Tobi: **End**

TOBI: Wow, what a depressing life I lead…

ME: Well, if you think that's bad, wait till you see A Day In The Life of Shniz. (Do Not expect this to come up soon)

Thanks again, the Nobody-Somebody for being our 100th reviewer!


	12. EPISODE 12: Announcer Guy

**Kisame's Corner**

Starring, Itachi Uchiha! With his co-host, Kisame Hoshigaki!

KISAME: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!

ANNOUNCER: Who cares! You're a fish-man!

KISAME: Can we get a new announcer!?

PEIN: Next!

NEW ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Kisame's Corner! Sponsored by JOE'S FISH B- -Shot by Kisame-

KISAME: _No one_ can mention Joe's Fishbowls unless I SAY THEY CAN! NEXT ANNOUNCER!

PEIN: Kisame, maybe we should do this _after_ the show. We're running out of time for the show as it is!

KISAME: NO! We need an announcer! Every Talkshow in history has one!

PEIN: Yeah. At least all the _famous_ ones. We're barely noticed around here. Heck, half the teenagers in the town think this is an empty warehouse!

RANDOM TEENS: Hey, let's go to the abandoned warehouse!

PEIN: IT'S OCCUPIED!!

RANDOM TEEN: Oh, right… there's people here… -walks by Zetsu (house plant)- Hey, nice pla-

ZETSU: ROAAAAAAAR!!

RANDOM TEEN: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

PEIN: -sighs- Cue the next announcer, and if he's bad, we'll change him the next time we need one.

NEW, NEW ANNOUNCER: This is Kisame's Corner, before we begin, let me remind you to text your questions here. ('Cause phone companies make far more money that way)

PEIN: No one has a cell phone here!

NEW, NEW ANNOUNCER: Wow! You guys suck! –happy face-

Everyone pointed a gun at the announcer.

KISAME: Announce the question.

NEW NEW ANNOUNCER: O-Okay… Uh… Th-Th-The f-first question is from… U-Uh… Uh! UHH!!

KISAME: Take care of him, please.

The camera moves away from the stage. Gunshots are heard.

Kisame walked on stage, a large and noticeable blood stain on his shirt. He flashed a big smile.

KISAME: The first question is from…!

**Zetsu: Kgf was mean to you! have some chocolate.  
Kisame: hi!  
Itachi: your mean!  
Tobi: what's your favorite color?**

**From: Katherine yuki cute**

ZETSU: The last time I had chocolate… I ate half my family. It was not pretty. Nor will it ever BE pretty. DOWN WITH PRETTY.

KISAME: … Hi…?

ITACHI: Why thank you!

TOBI: Doesn't the mask say enough? My favorite color is obviously blue! (Cough… it's orange)

**Itachi:(SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD!) I spelled it right now!!  
Kakuzu: Have 50 more!  
Hidan: fine! you dón't have to sream!  
Deidara: thanks for trying!  
Pein: (kicks him were the sun don't shine)  
Tobi: feel more better!  
Kisame: have sushi!  
Zetsu: sorry!  
Sasori: HI! are shure your not gay?  
Bye!**

**From: kgf**

ITACHI: That you did. Yet, you missed.

PEIN: Yeah, he missed your head. But what's that hole in your chest?

ITACHI: -felt the small hole in his chest, seeing that it was covered in blood- Kisame, call the ambulance. –faints-

KAKUZU: …Yay.

HIDAN: I ALWAYS SCREAM!! YAAAAAAAAGHH!!!

DEIDARA: You're welcome. And when the security lets up, I'll be sure to inform you. –glares out the window-

PEIN: HA! YOU CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL ACROSS THE WORLD FOR ALL I KNOW!!

HIDAN: -kicks leader in the balls-

PEIN: HOLY- falls to ground- WHY!?

HIDAN: Well, since kgf couldn't do it… I did. :D –sits down as Pein rolls around on floor-

TOBI: TOBI FEELS BETTER:D

KISAME: SUSHI! –drags it under table-

ZETSU: Thank you. Your apology is accepted.

KISAME: That's it? No relation to some dramatic experience to your past.

ZETSU: -thinks for a second- Nope.

KISAME: Wow. Okay then.

SASORI: If you keep doing this, I'm gonna kill myself! And you're gonna have yourself to blame, and my fangirls to fear!

**Okay, I'm really bored and have had no caffine today, and so I can't think up induvidual questions. Sorry. **

All: Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it? 

**From: SlightlyBroken**

PEIN: No. Due to low funds, we are not allowed to indulge in anything entertaining. (Which sucks)

**Kisame- what is your shoe size?**

**From: The All Mighty Black Death**

KISAME: Wow… this question was asked like… a year ago… and I think you were the one who asked it!... Well, I forgot… and the label was somehow torn off by someone.

**Madara: It was me. Ain't I a stinker? –laughs-**

**Happy Holidays! Questions  
Itachi: What's your favorite Pocky flavor?  
Kisame: Have you ever been to the beach and have the lifeguard kick you out for being a shark?  
Tobi: Would you like some more cake? -hands strawberry cake-  
Madara: Would you like to destroy the world?  
Shniz: Whats your favorite pie flavor? -hands a custard pie-  
Sasori: Have you ever been in a movie or play? If so, was one of them Pinocchio?  
Deidara: You don't like poetry, but do you like painting?  
Pein: Raisin Bran. Do you like Raisin Bran?  
Konan: Do you have the new Linkin Park CD?  
Hidan: Is white your natural hair color?  
Zetsu: How are you?  
Kakuzu: I want my wallet back. -raises fist- **

Anyways, Happy late holidays, and a happy New year. 

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

ITACHI: Chocolate. –struggles to breath due to gunshot- WHY HASN'T ANYONE CALLED AN AMBULANCE!?

KISAME: …Not the beach I go to! They're full of sharks!

TOBI: Can I?

DEIDARA: Fine.

TOBI: YAY!! –turns into Pac-Man-form- WAKKAWAKKAWAKKAWAKKA!

**MADARA: Yes. But after I destroy Tobi's world. It's a lot tougher than you might think. **

SHNIZ: I'm allergic to pie.

PEIN: What kinds of pie?

SHNIZ: All.

PEIN: How is that possible?

SHNIZ: It's not. The doctors were completely clueless.

SASORI: Long-used joke. And it stinks…

DEIDARA: Yes, actually. This is one of what my would-be family portraits. –holds up finger-painting of him and Hinata- and this is what it would be if we were pirates! –holds up same drawing only with pirate hats. Hinata has an eyepatch-

PEIN: -eye twitches- Uh… No.

KONAN: -Walks through the door holding a Linkin Park CD and ice cream- What I miss?

HIDAN: Actually, no. It's the result of the constant stress of having to kill every opponent.

ZETSU: Hmm… Pretty good, actually.

HIDAN: I used to have flowing blonde locks!

ZETSU: Now it's ruined. –barfs violently-

KAKUZU: Fine, take it. There's nothing in here anyway. –throws you wallet-

**Madara: ever think of separating yourself from tobi?  
all: do you guys have an iPod? or a computer? just wondering  
Kisame: what changed your mind from being an anti fishie to a i eat fishie?  
Itachi: have you ever stared at a girl, then she looks you in the eyes and then she falls over dead?  
Tobi: have you ever cosplayed as another member or person from naruto?  
Deidara: do you think Hinata might have ever thought of leaving you?**

**From: FearTheFan**

**MADARA: Believe me, if it were my choice, I would've done it by now.**

PEIN: We only have one computer, and we only have half an iPod. –holds up short-circuiting piece of iPod-

KISAME: Uh… I EAT FISH.

ITACHI: -is groveling in pain on the floor- I'M DYING!!

TOBI: Uh… no? –cloak falls to reveal a Naruto cosplay outfit- I-I've never seen this outfit in my life!

DEIDARA: I imagine so, yes. But the fact that she hasn't either proves that she really love me or that she really, truly… pities me.

**We're back! -evil smiles- **

Deidara: You do know that the other male Akatsuki members have photos of your Hinata-hime in their wallets right?

Kakuzu: -Adell gives a check for a $1 million-

Itachi: ...Yes... Staring Contest... I dont care if you have the Pink Evil Eye of Doom...

Hidan: Wanna go to the violence convention like right now? I heard that they were hacking Sai into little pieces with a chainsaw today...

Sasori: Do you sniff Pledge? Cause we heard your'e addicted to the stuff...

Kisame: SUSHI! Want some?

Tobi: You want cake? Get it boy get it! -Abi throws cake over a cliff-

Itachi: Spoilers: Did you know that you get killed by SasUke?

Shniz: Yo... and... good luck with life and... -Gale kicks him where the sun doesnt shine-

Zetsu: We feel your pain... at least there's only 2 of you in one body... And here's some Konoha anbu that got on our nerves for you to munch on...

Pein: ... I like your Deidara look-alike form better...

Konan: Good luck with life...

To All [except Konan unless she wants to: Try to piss off Deidara by hitting on Hinata or something Hinata related. The one who gets on his nerves the most wins a free ticket to FOB or if you don't like FOB... -takes out a million dollar check- 

**From: dark-emo-gal**

DEIDARA: -glares at everyone-

ALL: -smiles nervously-

KAKUZU: I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! $1 MILLION HOLY CRAP!!!!

ITACHI: -is dead- (so I guess it's safe to have a staring contest)

HIDAN: AWESOME! I'll go get my coat! –walks around aimlessly- First I gotta find a coat:D

SASORI: Sniff pledge? What?

KISAME: -is drunk on sushi- GRAAAHHH –drunken slur-

ITACHI: -grabs Kisame's desk and pulls himself up- WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED AN AMBULANCE YET!?

SHNIZ: Oh GOD!! –falls to floor-

ZETSU: I HATE MY OTHER SELF!! **I HATE YOU TOO!! **

PEIN: … It doesn't look like Deidara, does it? –looks at the body- …Okay, it does…

KONAN: -is listening to Linkin Park-

DEIDARA: -holds up bazooka- This one just came in the mail. THE CLAY LAUNCHER 5000.

SHNIZ: What does it do?

DEIDARA: -fires Bazooka-

**BOOM **

………

**Zomg..that was funny!  
K..Questions...  
Itachi-Did you know your brother is going to get butt raped by Orochimaru? **

Hidan- Can you die by being drown? (i mean have you ever tried?)

Tobi- is a good boy gives him a hug

Kakuzu- I have more money than u do... so ha suck on that! evil insane smile

love u all kinda (//. ) 

**From: xxsexyshinobixx**

ITACHI: -finally patched himself up with bandages- Yes. Now, it's only the blood loss or the fact that I might die in a couple of hours that's keeping me calm.

HIDAN: I've experimented on different ways of dying, and so far none of them worked. Awesome.

TOBI: YAY HUG :D

KAKUZU: Well I'd have more money than me too if all my friends kept on stealing my money and spending it on useless CRAP!

PEIN: Hey! We spend your hard earned money on stuff this place needs!.

KAKUZU: No, you spent it on stuff that _looks_ like this place needs it! You bought a plasma screen TV when you know _full well_ that we don't have cable!

PEIN: Whatever (pshaw)

**-emotionally unstable shadow enters-..w-why do i love emotionless peoples!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
sane shadow returns ah, well.  
Itachi: Im getting a plushy of you! lol...that means you'll join Orochimaru...quietly Muahahaha hahaha... Oh! n i have a message for Sasuke! ahem...BUTT-SHMEX! o  
lol  
Pein:...sniffle you killed Jiraiya...YOU MAKE ME DISSAPOINTED!  
...okay...thanks...bai bai...lol...  
-emotionally unstable shadow returns- WHY!!??!?!?!?! JIRAIYA! gets smacked owie...**

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

ITACHI: …why was I not informed about a plushie being made into my likeness? And why wasn't I asked first!?

PEIN: We have no other way of making money, Itachi. I have debts with 16 different companies, and 22 different lemonade stands across the street! And two girl scout troops! Okay!? Oh, and to answer that question, I just saved about 200 little girls from getting raped by a horny old man with long hair that LIVES. Alright!? Okay!? NEXT QUESTION!!

**Oh noes the weird Kisame fangirl is back! ...uh, me that is. ;  
Anywho I have few questions again. Please answer and thanks for answering previous ones.  
Kisame: As we all know your one of the coolest members of Akatsuki, are you worried about the slim chance of your being killed off by a nudest Zabuza wannabe? He's not even an lead character, so you won't die I'm sure...I hope.  
Tobi/Madara: So which one of you likes oatmeal cookies more?  
Pein: Bad Pein! Bad! No killing your sensei...bad! No new peircings for one of your bodies for a week!  
Konan: Just keep staying cool.  
Zetsu: I'd give you a person to eat to make you feel better but sadly I couldn't find anyone but a dead hooker and well...that just felt kinda wrong. 0 .  
Shniz: Wow... I'm starting to feel sorry for you now. Um...grow a spine?  
Kakuzu: I'll give you a dollar if you smack Hidan for me.  
Itachi: Wow you and Sas-gay are fighting...this is the first and only time I'll cheer for you. Kick his ass again.**

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: … what?

TOBI: I LIKE COOKIES:D

**MADARA: I LIKE EVIL COOKIES :D**

PEIN: Aw MAN! Wait a minute… you're not my mom! Nor my dad! NOR MY RAPIST UNCLE FREDDIE! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!

KONAN: -is still listening to Linkin Park-

ZETSU: You're too kind… (O.o)

SHNIZ: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! Thank you:D

TOBI: I still think you suck.

SHNIZ: D:

KAKUZU: -whacks Hidan- MONEH PLS!

HIDAN: I THINK YOU BROKE MY JAW! –moves it back in place- Ow…

ITACHI: Thank you. Will do.

**I have a question or comment for every member.  
Tobi: How did you get the mask?  
Kisame: DO you like puzzles?O.o  
Deidara: What do you do with those hands at night? o\/  
Itachi: Poke SasuGAY for me!-/ \-  
Konan: Kill them all!-.  
Zetsu: I like to eat peoples heads!\o.o/  
People I like are at the top.  
People I don't like are at the bottom.  
Pein: There is 6 of you?!.!  
Hidan: Watch the Tobi show on YouTube ep.5.o.o  
Kakuzu: Believe It!$.$  
Sasori: Die!-.-**

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

TOBI: Masks 'R' us!

KISAME: No… they make my brain… twitch. –twitches-

DEIDARA: …None of your business. –glare-

-Flashback-

Deidara held up his hand to lick a stamp. He stuck it on an envelope, repeating the process for the rest of the night. "Man, how ruined would my life be if someone found out that I had to work at a post office just to make ends meet…" he grumbled. _These stamps taste godawful…_

-:-

ITACHI: I'll do more than that! I'll gouge his eye out! –spoiler, spoiler-

KONAN: Yes… Kill them all… -everyone scoots away-

ZETSU: Heads are always too chunky with me. That's why I always mash them up with this hammer! –holds up hammer-

PEIN: Got a problem with that? –gangsta glare-

HIDAN: … you putz

KAKUZU: BELIEVE THIS! –punches Hidan- MONEH PLS!

SASORI: I already died once in this show. I'm not about to die again! –support beam falls on head-

**hi peoples i Gots questions for some of u  
Itachi: has anyone hit u with a stick for no reason?  
Kisame: has anyone ever chased you because they wanted shark fin soup?  
Tobi: im u in a fan club! have a cookie  
Madara: do u make Tobi hurt himself? if u do Your mean  
Deidara: can u blow up Karin?  
Pein: do u like My Chemical Romance?  
Konan: do have any siblings and did ur parents abandon u?  
all: if you could kill any one Naruto character would it be?  
byes**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

ITACHI: Well…

-flashbacks-

An old lady whacked Itachi with a stick. So did a little girl, a little boy, a little girl _and_ a little boy, a little boy and girl with their parents, a little boy, girl, man, woman, and a random dog that ate his nuts, The president, Pein, The band Fall Out Boy, Master Chief, Pein again, the same old woman from before, his mother, his father's ghost, the Light Spirit (well, he had a reason…) and Sasuke. Those last two did have reasons, but they weren't good ones.

Oh, and the author and editor :D

-flashback end-

KISAME: So many times… YA HEAR THAT SUSHI WORLD!? I'M ONTO YOU!! –maniacal glare-

TOBI: Thank you… -sniff-

**MADARA: Excellent idea! I'll get right on it! –makes Tobi break cookie in half- **

TOBI: No… NO! NOOOO!!! –sobs for cookie-

DEIDARA: Uh… I'll put it on my list… but I don't think I'll get to it in a while.

PEIN: Yeah, I guess… sometimes I play one of their songs while I'm fighting!

KONAN: DON'T REMIND ME!!

ALL: -points to their partner-

KONAN: -points to Pein who points to himself-

PEIN: I have six lives. Cut me some slack.

**Mii, Itachi Why didn't you kill Sasuke when you killed your clan. Nipaah?**

**From: I have no name**

ITACHI: …I didn't _feel_ like it.

The ambulance doors closed in front of the camera as it drives away to take Itachi to the hospital.

A few minutes later, we find the camera secretly recording Kisame's auditions for a new announcer.

"Welcome to Kisame's-" He got shot in the head. Kisame was shooting anybody he didn't like.

"Welcome to-!" _BANG_

"Wel-!" _BANG_

Shniz walked up on stage and he was immediately shot.

"Kisame, come on. We're all going home." Deidara said. "Aw man… I don't think I'll ever find an announcer…" Kisame said disappointedly. "Frankly, I don't give a crap."

"WELCOME TO KISAME'S CORNER!" a voice from behind him yelled. "That's my announcer… THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED!!" Kisame turned around, only to find that the announcer –which was a shark- get stabbed and killed by one of the guys from the sushi company. "Uh…" he watched him get dragged away and thrown into the back of a truck.

"… You know what? I don't care anymore… I'm going home…" Kisame said. "Hurry up, will ya? The police will question why there's a huge blood stain on the floor." Deidara said. "Yeah…" He tripped and began to crawl away lazily.

-:-

I've been meaning to ask this for a while now… but… why is there an abuse button right beside the reviews? Does it give an option to make the authors abuse their reviewers? XD lol

-:-

As an added bonus for being so late in updating, we shall list the ranks of the Akatsuki organization to greatest to least.

EX: **Bold rank**

Normal sub-ranks

Known characters for a certain rank will be listed next to the rank.

**Supreme Leader –** Madara

**Leader** – Pein

**Second in Command –** Konan

**Elite –** Itachi, Zetsu

**Assassin – **Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu

**Special Op **

Sergeant

Medic –Also Kakuzu

**Intern –** Shniz

**Noob** – Tobi

**Tobi – **Tobi (one Tobi clone is assigned to each Akatsuki group)

**Recruit –** Fangirl/failed Tobi clones


	13. EPISODE 13: Uncle Thing

**Kisame's Corner **

Hooray! After a two-month long absence we are back again! …Oh god we're back… oh geeod… Well… let's get this over with…

Kisame was sitting inside a dark room looking over various security tapes out of boredom. (This is what he's been doing the past two months, so pay attention!)

"H-Hey guys…" Kisame popped his head out of a trap door in the middle of the living room, where everyone was currently watching TV or doing whatever the hell they do during the course of the day. "Hey guys, I found something on all the security tapes we have here!" Kisame said. He clapped his hands. "Interns! Prepare the TV!"

Tobi was watching Death Note with other Tobi clones until the interns came in and kicked them out of the way. Literally. "AH!! OWW!! What the hell!?" Tobi yelled in a whiney voice.

As everyone gathered around the TV, Kisame put in the video tape. "Everyone. This is from video recording number H-43, A.k.a last Monday." He said. "Since when do we have security?" Sasori asked. "Well… since day 1, actually. We just forgot about it." Kisame explained. There was an awkward silence in the room. "…Damn we're stupid." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Anyway, back to me," Kisame stood in front of the TV. "This is video feed from the party we had last Monday." Kisame said as the video started. It was a video of Hidan dancing to "Underground" by High Voltage until he eventually started to barf. Kisame paused the video right before the vomit hit the ground. "Eeew!" Everyone yelled. "Look over here." Kisame pointed to a corner on the TV, everyone reluctantly leaning over. "Wh… What is that?" Sasori asked. "I think it's Deidara." Hidan said.

"No," Kisame said. "I don't look like that from behind!" Deidara yelled. "It's not Deidara, though they look familiar, it's something different." Kisame explained. Deidara sighed. "Look at the color: It's blue." Kisame said in a serious tone.

"SO IT WAS YOU!?" Itachi accused, pointing a finger at Kisame. "How can I _possibly_ grow that much hair?" Kisame asked. Itachi shrugged. "Better than nothing."

"The point is, this thing has been around for a long time and we didn't know!" Kisame stated. "Come on, it's only been a week!" Itachi said. Kisame shook his head. "This is a recording from last year. And the year before that, and the year before that." Each video shown had the same pile of blue hair, one time it getting a beer from the fridge, the other time sitting on a chair behind all of them during a meeting. It also showed a group picture of the entire Japanese branch of Akatsuki, the blue hair thing sitting in front making a peace sign to the camera.

"…How did we not notice him!?" Kakuzu asked. "That's not all. This is when we were constructing the base!" Kisame showed them a picture. Three of them were carrying a steel beam across the platform, the hair thing, being much smaller than the others, hanging on the end. "We need to do something about-"



Suddenly, the same hair thing came walking across the room and towards the fridge and grabbed a beer. It glanced at them and waved, its sunglasses shining. Everyone was silent as it made its way back across the room and out the door.

"This can be serious."

"That was the last beer!"

"Do we even know this guy!?"

"No, seriously, that was the last one!"

"We need to tell the leader."

"Why didn't we tell him now!?"

"Can't we just ask him who he is?"

"He's been here since day one! Do you know how awkward that would be!?"

"Do you know how awkward it would be if he wanted beer and there was none left!?"

"Shut up about the beer, Hidan!"

"You shut up about the hairy guy!"

"We don't even know if there's someone under there! All he uses are… _hair_ tentacle things! It's disgusting!"

"Aw man… It's almost 9. I gotta start the show. You guys stay and keep watch for the hairy dude we'll solve this later. See ya."

_He ditched us._

Kisame walked out to the stage, looking around. He spotted the hair pile working the lights, giving him a thumbs up sigh. _…Who is that guy!?_

**Kisame's Corner**

KISAME: Okay, first question!

**Yay you updated!! cough cough maybe I should ask my questions now...I have so many...well not really.  
Kisame: What would you do if you found out that there were fans with plushies in your likeness?  
Itachi: Did you know that you might be on the cover of Missing-Nin monthly? Are you going to do an interview for them?  
Zetsu: I'm glad you're feeling better...at least I hope you're still feeling better...  
Tobi: Um... Here's some pocky?  
Madara: So you had a younger brother huh, what was he like?  
Pein: Alright you have a few bodies but which one of them is the boss?  
Kakuzu: Here's 3 dollars! The bonus is for doing it a second time and breaking his jaw...Do it again and I'll give you another. :D  
**

**Shniz: ...wow I said the nicest thing to you? ...wow your kind of a loser aren't you.  
Konan: You still rock.  
Hmm is that everyone? Yup Everyone I like anyway. XP  
PS Kisame Rocks**

Kobukat, a Kisame fan girl

KISAME: I'd like to know where the money they owe me is going. –is angry-

ITACHI: Uh… N-No. Never.

ZETSU: Yeah, thanks…

TOBI: -bursts through fax machine- POCKY!? YAY!! :DD

**MADARA: I hated him. I acted happy and nice and not-wanting-to-kill-him.**

PEIN: ME! No, ME! ME! YOU'RE ALL FOOLS! ME! ME!! **ME.**

KAKUZU: -punches Hidan hard enough to knock out an eye- The eye is extra.

HIDAN: WHY!?

SHNIZ: Loser…

TOBI: Didn't you become the Supreme Leader?

SHNIZ: Yeah, but I can't stay away from you guys completely. And plus, I still get questions from Kisame's Corner! So as long as you keep asking, I'll keep answering! Here, on Kisame's Corner.

TOBI: You hear that? The more you ask questions the more he comes back! STOP!! –begs-

KONAN: -nods-

KISAME: Hehe… she said I rock… Next question. –glances at pile of hair- (it's eating a sandwich…)

**lol.  
(Emotional shadow) WHY!? (Still moping)  
(normal shadow) ah...anyway...  
Itachi: I didn't get your plushie...that's sad. Meh friend couldn't find it...so instead I got Gaara, and meh other friend got meh Deidara...lol. They have both joined meh Orochimaru plushie...muahahaha...why am I telling you this!? Oh, and could you at LEAST take ONE eye from Sasuke so he'll have to pull a Kakashi? plz? and u still kick ass.  
Deidara: I OWN YOU! MUAHAHAHAHA! Here's a cookie. (Hands cookie)  
Pein: ...I guess I forgive you for killing Jiraiya...oh, n u rock too. o  
COKE CAKE ROCKS!  
(emotionally unstable shadow) WHY DO I YELL ABOUT RANDOM THINGS!?  
(stable shadow) lol. I found out ima Wiccan. O/.\O I am AIR! Muahahaha...if anyone has anything to say to that...then go ahead...o**

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

ITACHI: As much as I would love to make my brother half blind, I have been officially declared 'dead' by Masashi Kishimoto. I couldn't do anything if I wanted to.

DEIDARA: Thanks I- WHAT THE-?

TOBI: -gnawing on Deidara's hand-



PEIN: Why thank you! –is totally ignoring the Jiraiya part-

**Hi..**

Kakuzu I got five bucks and a video camera. If you can gett footage of Hidan, Itachi, Madara, and pein singing you can keep the money and camera.

Shniz I really like your name. Yours too Tobi.

Itachi have you ever thought how it would be to have 2 younger siblings? Almost like having two little Sasuke's.

Madara is an old man? ?nam dlo na si aradaM

Ever have a song stuck in your head so bad that you can still say part of it a year later?

-hits Pein with a pan- i didn't do it.

Hidan how is having a long life going for ya?

Deidara just how many hands do you have? Do you have any hands that we don't know about?-hugs--then runs-

Free canned food. And a can opener.

eh Im too nice.

**From: Moto Moon**

KAKUZU: Do they have to be in the same video?

YOU: That would be nice, yes.

KAKUZU: Consider it done. YOU FOUR! –points at Hidan, Itachi, Madara and Pein- DANCE! DANCE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER DANCED BEFORE!!

PEIN: We've _never_ danced before.

KAKUZU: Well good that makes things a little easier then.

The four just stared at him with a weird look before turning back to the security tapes they were watching. Kakuzu threw the camera angrily at the ground. "I'm gonna have to get some new tactics… and a camera."

SHNIZ: At least _someone_ appreciates my name!

CAMERA MAN: Where is Mr. Tobi? –looks up at lighting balcony and sees that he's sharing punch and the sandwiches with the hair pile-

TOBI: They like my name better. –gulps down more punch-

ITACHI: No. N-No, I'd never think that. Why would you even suggest such a horrible, horrible thing? –is disgusted-

**MADARA: I'm not old… I'm just not young… technically… what is 'old' anyway? FAK YOU.**

ALL: -thinks of the song 'Feel Good Inc.' by Gorillaz

PEIN: YES YOU DID!! YES! YES YOU! YOU DID IT! –points to you- INTERNS! ATTACK!! –silence- WHERE THE HELL ARE THE INTERNS!?

(interns are asleep in lounge)

HIDAN: Terrible. It's not worth it.



DEIDARA: Hands? I only have two. Mouths? I only have some that you need to not know about. –shifty eyes-

-stuff is given to Tobi-

TOBI: How do you use a can opener?

KISAME: Figure it out Tobi, you'll have fun. Next Question.

**Hallo everybody! You know, some of the reviews creep me out. They're a bit weird aren't they. Oh great, the read this, now they're gonna track me down and never stop flaming and spamming me! You guys know that they're all crazy and creepy. (yeah, I'm a bit weird, but...)**

Itachi: If you die when fighting Sasgay, I'll never forgive you! (and I'm not making fun of gays, I'm making fun Sasuke and his fan girls/boys)

Kisame: Have you ever written a novel?

Tobi: I know you don't like Shniz, but... I have nothing to say. Fetch the cookie.

Pein: Keep up the good work, though I'm a bit torn over you almost killing Jiriya (I can never spell his name right)

Konan: I know how it feels to be surrounded by idiots. Let's kill them all!

Zetsu: If you had a pet what would it be, and would you walk down the street with it?

Deidara: Why would you paint if you think that real artistic beauty lasts for a fleeting second? And do those BOOMS! ever bug Hinata?

Shniz: I sorta feel sorry for you, then I don't.

Sasori: I fear of the termites, you must never sleep sometimes  
Have you ever gassed yourself getting rid of termites?

Madara: Did you study philosophy?

Hidan/Kakuzu: Being immortal must suck

**From: FearTheFan**

ITACHI: … -sighs- this is why we should update more often. TheWindAlchemist, you' slacker. –I shoot Itachi –

KISAME: I'm currently writing one: "The Life of a Fish Man: An Akatsuki Novel". The others are also working on their own novels. Although, Hidan isn't really doing much work… -camera looks over at Hidan's desk; it's a censored mess.-

TOBI: Yes. I despise Shniz. Say something bad to Shniz. COOKIE!!

PEIN: If you can't spell a guy's name right then he's not worth keeping alive. –nods-

KONAN: Yes. YES! YES!! –everyone scoots back- Sorry… Lost my cool there… -breathes in and twitches- All better.

ZETSU: I'd get a… A…uh… Roseberry bush. –what the hell is that!?-

DEIDARA: I paint because I believe in exploring different art mediums. And then blowing them up. :D And Hinata has learned to cope with it. –how!?- by going back to her house while I blow shit up.

SHNIZ: Thank you. Thank you very much.

SASORI: -eye twitches- Oh. Hold on. –sticks a tube in chest and waits. Gas pours out of his ears. He opens his chest and lets millions of termite bodies fall out- Yeah.

**MADARA: Does Satanism count? **



HIDAN: It does.

KAKUZU: it depends on what you do as an immortal… but in our case it sucks donkey balls.

KISAME: "…and I lived happily not ever after. It ended like, I dunno, five seconds after it started. " And that's the end of my novel. Be sure to get it at your local book store. If I can put more than two chapters. And find a good publisher. –awkward silence.- You know what, let's just start over. Hello, I'm Kisame and this is my corner! –Everyone stares (_god you're stupid…)_-

ITACHI: Next.

**Yo! And to let you know, I got rid of my split personality but Ill let them here anyway to torture some of you guys...**

Kisame: Umm... How are you?

Hidan: Youre #1! Deidara used to be #1 but you are now! Did you know I lost my goody-goody act because of you? I keep cussing and saying repent because of you.

Deidara: Sorry, but youre only #2 now and, Hinata-hime called to say hi to you and Hidan.

Kakuzu: I never saw you with your mask removed but they said you look like Itachi with stitches... Is that true?

Tobi: Remove your mask now!

Pein: Hi...

Konan: Wanna go to the mall and destroy stuff?

Zetsu: Want some Anbu crackers? Theyre made from real Anbu...

Itachi: Oops Sorry, You didnt die. Wrong info, you just tried to pull out Sasuke's eyeball... Ill tell you more once I find out. I wonder if Sasuke or you or both of you will die...

**From: dark-emo-gal**

KISAME: -is staring at the huge pile of hair working the lights- …It… It shouldn't be there… yet it is… it's… a conundrum…

HIDAN: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! I'M NUMBER ONE! I'M NUMBER ONE!! WROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! FUCK YOU DEIDARA!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! WROOOOOOARRR!! –suddenly barfs- Oh… Oh god… it's burning… BURNING!

DEIDARA: Hi Hinata! –waves happily-

HIDAN: -is barfing- H-Hi… -barfs again (I don't know why either)-

KAKUZU: That depends. What does Itachi look like with stitches? –holds up needle with string and grins-

ITACHI: U-Uh…No! Bad Kakuzu! Bad! Bad! BA-barfs- OH GOD!! MY INSIDES ARE ON FIRE!! –barfs his way to the floor-

KAKUZU: -starts stitching Itachi's face-

TOBI: No! **(Madara: BITCH!)**

PEIN: Hi… -suddenly a piece of ceiling falls on him- WHAT'S WITH THESE RANDOM ACTS OF DESTRUCTION!? –suddenly barfs- AAGH!!

KONAN: -shrugs- Why not?

-suddenly everyone barfs-



ZETSU: Hooray! ANBU Crackers! My favorite snack as a child! :D

ITACHI: -wakes up- Ugh… My face... My face! What happened to my face!?

KAKUZU: -shakes head- Nope. Doesn't look like me at all.

ITACHI: CHANGE ME BACK YOU BASTARD!!

KAKUZU: -sighs- It's gonna cost you extra if it hurts. And it will. –cracks knuckles-

**Itachi-why r u so heartless?  
Kisame-have sushi  
Tobi- I'm sorry i made Madara hurt u have a cookie  
Madara-r u ure u took ur brothers eyes?  
Konan-do u like three days grace?  
Zetsu-will u eat Karin?** **PLEASE?  
all-do u like corn?  
Byez**

**From: ayumi uchiha**

ITACHI: AAAAAGHH!! NOT NOW!! GOD IT HURTS!!

KISAME: Okay!

TOBI: Oh, if only cookies could heal internal bleeding. –takes bite out of cookie-

**MADARA: WHAT OF IT!?**

KONAN: Yes. Yes I do.

ZETSU: Shut up! I'm eating ANBU Crackers right now! Karin will come later! Sheesh! The nerve of some people!

ALL: -suddenly barfs- AAAAAGHH!!

**Itachi: Gives Clear Eye to stop your blindness, and I'm nominating you for president  
Kisame: Um, Grimmjow Jaggerjaques called me and said you stole his underwear, be careful  
Zetsu: Loans 10 pounds of meat  
Kakuzu: If you want quick cash might I suggest killing Osama Bin Laden, he's got 25 million on his head  
Hidan: The director of Violence the Movie called me saying you have a role in his sequel  
Pein: Can I join Akatsuki? or at least loan me a cloak?  
Sasori: Ulquiorra said that all his shampoo was stolen and he accuses you, so you be careful also  
Deidara: Hinata told me she's breaking up with you  
Tobi: Gives 10 Pocky  
Madara: Gives him access to the U.S. Army arsenal to take over the world  
Konan: Your very pretty and smart, if you want a break from the lunacy, I'm available, but that's your decision**

**From: aaaa**

ITACHI: -holds up pair of bloody eyes- Uh… I already got a new set but… thanks anyway! –(put these with the others)-

KISAME: I stole no such underwear. At least I don't think I did. –starts thinking-

ZETSU: Thanks! –scarfs it down with ANBU Crackers- More.

YOU: What?

ZETSU: MORE.

YOU: I don't have more.

ZETSU: MOAAAAAAAARRR!! RWWAAAAAARRRRKJSDFJM CVKCLJFMKLDS;KJ-passes out-



KAKUZU: Wow… that's nice.

HIDAN: Oh shit, really!? That's awesome! –head explodes-

PEIN: Fuck no! … you need an application. And a college degree… yeah.

SASORI: Damn, he noticed.

DEIDARA: WHAT!? NO!! –starts covering himself with explosive clay-

TOBI: :D

**MADARA: yes… this is good... –Tobi's body begins walking towards Pocky- What? No! Tobi! Resist! RESIST!!**

KONAN: I'm still milking these guys for all they're worth. I know its not much, but it something.

**Questions and Comments to All Akatsuki!  
Kisame: Are you sure that your looks aren't from some super-weird bloodline limit cause a lot of people can't figure out if your just some freak of nature(NO OFFENSE) or actually just have a powerful blood limit(you know, with shark features, charka sucking sword)?  
Itachi: Your heart is colder than the winds of winter and a demeanor that just screams death to any living soul, and for that you are one of my favorites. Kill your whiny punk of a brother Sasuke for me, he only pulls in flies in forms of little girls and a ahem curtained-whiskered blonde boy that only believe that everyone can be saved and live happily ever after all that other bull crap.  
Kakuzu: When did you start to become such a money-whore?  
Hidan: Are you a gore hound? If so, wanna have my DVDs of House of a 10 corpses and Devil's Rejects?  
Konan: How come I see no other female Akatsuki members except you?  
Deidara: Do you also use fireworks as an art form?  
Sasori: How the heck can you live with being a puppet that controls other puppets as well?  
Zetsu: Can you eat anything other than humans?  
Tobi: I likes you hugs you  
Pein:...Can't think of anything to ask or say to you so, I'm gonna skip you.  
Madara: Can you do me a favor and bash Pein's head to a near-by brick wall? Thank you**

P.S. Kisame: I think your hot for a shark-man  
From: Gothfoxlove626

KISAME: …I'm sure. –looks for the pile of hair (it's not there)- Wh-Where'd he go- AGH!! –finds hair beside him-

The hair pile took the pudding that was underneath Kisame's desk and walked away. "O-Oh god… I thought I was gonna die… Oh god…"

ITACHI: Quite the poetic one, aren't you? I'll kill him soon enough.

KAKUZU: It all started when my parents gave me a dollar for my first birthday. Big mistake, no?

HIDAN: Yes and YES! GIMME!

KONAN: Because Deidara grew a penis.

DEIDARA: HEY! That rumor was unfounded and unconfirmed.

KONAN: Methinks thou doth protests too much.

DEIDARA: SHUT UP!!

DEIDARA (again): Yes. It's… mandatory.

SASORI: I… don't know.

ZETSU: I can eat anything. ANYTHING. –is mysterious all of a sudden-

TOBI: I like you too! Let's be friends! **Let's be enemies and kill each other! **Madara! That's not nice! **Being friends isn't smart. You're stupid. **That's all? **Give it time. It will eat at you.**

PEIN: Good. Fine. Whatever. I don't care. (Yes he does.)

**MADARA: Does cinderblock work? 'Cuz that's about all I have to work with.**

KISAME: I-It… it was right there… beside my desk… _looking_ at me… Who is that guy!?

**Alright...Saturn has a few questions...**

1st How do you think you would all get along with Hinamizawa'd team mates, and how do you think you would get along with Rika, Shion, and Rena?

2nd Do you guys like Higurashi no Naku Koro ni since it has lots of torture, gore, and the like?

3rd (To Shark-chan) What is your opinion of Hinata?

4th Do any of you watch Elfen Lied? If so, how would you react if Lucy or another Diclinous joined the Akatsuki?

5th Do you guys have any weapons that I could borrow? Eheheh...

**From: Wait.What**

PEIN: Being the leader, I shall answer for all of them. We don't know what Hinamizawa'd means.

2nd Hidan likes it because it makes him laugh.

3rd Kisame says she's okay.

4th if we had someone like Lucy on our team it would be like having another version of Claire from another story in our group.

And 5th Hidan has like 99 copies of his scythe so I'm sure he can spare some

**Itachi: Yay! I shoot you! I WILL NOT TRY TO HURT YOU ANY MORE.  
Pein: haha.  
Hidan: thanks!:D  
Everyone: Did you know I'm a girl?**

Kakuzu: I will pay you a 10 dollars if you bet up Itachi.  
bye!

**From: kgf**

ITACHI: Good. I bet you'd fail.

PEIN: DON'T LAUGH AT ME!! 'haha' MY SHITTING ASS!!

HIDAN: You're welcome (he doesn't remember what he did, but oh well)

EVERYONE: O.o WH-WHAT!?

KAKUZU: Does the stitching of his face count? Pay me!

The hair pile walked up to Kisame and offered him a cup of pudding. "Uh… I-I don't want it." Kisame said. The hair pile kept nudging it at him until he accepted (like No Face from Spirited Away (Hayao Miyazaki)). "Uh…" Kisame stared intently at the pudding and sniffed it. "Ew. Tobi. Eat this." He shoved the bowl in Tobi's hand, who immediately (and somehow) shoved it in his mouth. "That wasn't so- BLEEEEEEEEGHHH!!" he suddenly barfed out of the eyehole of his mask and fainted. _That thing just tried to kill me…_ Kisame thought, looking at the hair pile as it walked back up the stairs towards the studio lights.

**Zetsu: You can eat my P.E. teacher than.  
Kisame: ZOMG! You said hi! (glomps him)  
Itachi:-hits Itachi with a stick-  
Tobi: You're a good boy. -gives him a hug-**

**From: Katherineyuki cute**

ZETSU: I haven't had PE Teacher in like… one –no two… minutes? Sure, why not?

KISAME: Yes I did! HAHAHA!! –looks around suspiciously (he's looking for the hair pile)-

ITACHI: -nothing happens until he falls down and breaks the table-

TOBI: Thanks! –burps as you hug him-

**Me again!**

A question to all!

If there is X amounts of Tobis and Zetsu decided to eat Y amount of them and using the equerialmatic fomarla to see that there is 12 Tobi alive, how many Tobis were in the beginning?

Think hard.

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

ALL: … Next question. NOW!

**Okay, technically this isn't really a question just more of a little fact that I picked up.  
Sasori, did you know that if Sakura hadn't killed you, you would've posed as a greater threat than Orochimaru or Sasuke to Naruto? You could've actually killed Naruto if you fought him yourself. Crazy, huh?**

**From: nekomaniac13**

SASORI: Nice job. Are you trying to depress me? Well it's working. Now I need a beer. A different one, not this one. And a different place. –claps hands- Interns! Prepare the Akatsucar!

The car exploded when as soon as the interns put the key in the ignition. Kisame saw the blue-hair pile inching away towards the back suspiciously. "WHAT THE HELL!? FOLLOW HIM!!" Kisame ran for the door to follow the hair pile but when he got there it was gone.

"Dude, what are you so worked up about?" Itachi asked. "That hair thing just tried to kill Sasori! They would have succeeded if Sasori hadn't sent the interns first!" Kisame yelled. "Everything about this base is either highly flammable or rigged. Last night I was woken up five times because of assassins! It's not the blue-haired guys fault." Itachi said. "Then how do you explain him trying to poison me with tainted pudding! It made Tobi barf!"

"That's not that bad. Tobi was eating _everything_ except the kitchen sink today. I'm surprised it took him this long to do so!" Itachi said. "…Okay. But still. I wanna keep an eye on him. Something about him… just doesn't feel right." Kisame said suspiciously. "It's a giant walking wad of hair. There's nothing _right _about it." Itachi said, walking off stage. "Hmm… you're right. We should ask the leader." Kisame said. "Are you kidding? He barely knows who we are half the time! He doesn't know shit." Itachi said. "…Okay…" Kisame followed him.

"You guys find anything about the hair pile?" Kisame asked, walking into the room.

"Well, we looked through our old files –yes, we have files- and we found out his name is 'Uncle Thing'." Deidara explained. "Uncle Thing?" Kisame asked. "Yeah, that's his real name too. First name he put 'Uncle' and last name he put 'thing'. We also found a video recording from last night." Deidara put on the tape. An intern was walking down the hallway when suddenly Uncle Thing hit him in the head with an ax. He dragged the body to an alley way and in the shadow we saw Uncle Thing eat the dead intern.

"My god… that thing's a threat to society!" Itachi said. "Since when do you care about society?" Sasori asked. Itachi flipped him off without looking at him. "Whatever story this guy has, we gotta kill him before he kills us."

The camera zoomed in dramatically with the usual dramatic music.

Suddenly, Uncle Thing walked in and got a lobster from the fridge then walked out again.

DUN DUN DUN!!

"D-Did he just…"

"Yeah. Yeah he did."

_(Where'd he get a lobster!?)_

I cannot tell you enough how sorry we are for not updating in… like two months. But now we shall … I don't know do other things. Shit, I dunno. Go study for school or something or-

(barfs suddenly)


	14. EPISODE 14: BOOM!

**Kisame's Corner**

… :D

Chapter 14

Kisame happily sang to himself as he walked down the hall and to his room. He opened the door only to see Uncle Thing rummaging through his stuff. Samehada was already on his back. Uncle Thing turned to him quickly. "Uh… AHA!!" Kisame leapt into the air and landed on Uncle Thing. "HA! I got you!" he hammed his finger into Uncle Thing's chest. There was a sudden 'pop' noise and Uncle Thing appeared at the door.

"What the-!?" Kisame ran towards Uncle Thing only to ram his face into his held out fist.

_Two Hours Later…_

Kisame began to wake up, groaning in pain as he looked around. "Ugh… Where am I?" he asked. He was in the Medical Bay of the base. "Oh, you're awake, Mr. Hoshigaki." An Akatsuki wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard said as he walked into the room. "…What happened?" Kisame asked. "Well, your friends saw you half-dead on the ground and punched you a few times. Then they brought you here." The doctor Akatsuki explained. "…Bastards…" Kisame muttered. "Oh, and all your teeth are broken so we had to replace them with plastic (yes, plastic) ones."

Kisame cursed. "And your show starts in two minutes." The Akatsuki Doctor looked at his watch. "WHAT!?" Kisame scrambled out of bed and ran out the door (btw, he fell on his face).

"Come on, where's Kisame? The show starts in one min-" Suddenly, Kisame fell in front of Pein, groaning in pain again. He turned around on his back and looked up right when all the lights focused on him. "GAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

A few minutes later, Kisame was back in the Medical Bay. "Mr. Hoshigaki, your eyes were incinerated by the lights of the stage. "Luckily, we managed to replace your eyes with prosthetics. Try them out!" The Akatsuki Doctor said. "Woah! Everything's so clear and detailed!" Kisame looked at Zetsu and Kakuzu. "Ew… A little _too_ detailed… Anyway, let's start the show." Kisame happily hopped out of bed and walked towards the stage.

-:-

KISAME: Hel_lo_ Kisame's Corner fans!! –eyes suddenly incinerated again by lights- GRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

PEIN: -kicks Kisame off stage (literally)- I control the stage! You! What level did you set the lights?

STAGE HAND: Oh… it's set to 'Death Star'… I'll set it to stage light.

PEIN: Thank you. First question.

**Ok.**

You stupid people, the answer was one because you can't have 12 Tobis at the end so you clone the first Tobi...

I have a request for all. Watch the Tobi show on YouTube.  
Wanting Kisame fin soup I mean Shark fin...

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

ALL: -thinks hard enough to make heads explode-

PEIN: …Wow. O.o

**What is with all the barfing XD?**

Hidan: You rock! I'm gonna Cosplay you at the Otakuzine 08 festival this Sunday! And... Tobi... and Kakuzu and Kabuto... at the same time... Gawd... I forgot about that... How the hell will I do that?! -walks away for awhile screaming cusses- -runs back- You're number one!

Deidara: Hinata broke up with you and is with Hidan now...

Kakuzu: Hidan's so great! Stop picking on him Dammit! If you do I'll give you a briefcase full of money.

Itachi: a "friend" of mine went loco after finding out you died.

Tobi/Madara: Are you gonna go get Dead Itachi's eyeballs?! O.o

Pein: Where are you and Konan!? In the manga I mean

Konan: You rule! I was gonna Cosplay you but I accidentally got silver hair dye instead of blue.

Kisame: -peace sign-

Shniz: -kicks him where the sun doesn't shine- You suck!

Sasori: I hate it when people pair you up with Suckura or Deidara.

Zetsu: You finished the ANBU crackers? You want anything else? I got some medic Nin pretzels, Genin gumdrops, Chunun cake and Jonin jelly.

Shniz: -kicks him where the sun doesn't shine- You suck! XD The magic of copy paste! copy paste this part a million times

That's all! And you sure that Uncle thing isnt the guy from Adams Family?

**From: dark-emo-gal**

(The barfing has now stopped and turned into sudden explosions and incineration)

HIDAN: -thumbs up- :D

DEIDARA: -glares at Hidan- GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! –rips off his head-

HIDAN: You _do_ know that I got married during the time you and Hinata were still dating, right?

DEIDARA: -stops- …Oh. –sits down, embarrassed-

KAKUZU: Hidan, you're my best friend. –pats Hidan's back (it still doesn't have his head)- Now give me the money!" –shoves Hidan's body aside-

PEIN: Nope, it says you have to spend a whole day with him. You have to do fun stuff like going on killing sprees and going to the arcade.

KAKUZU: -sighs angrily-

PEIN: But not now though, we got a show to do.

KAKUZU: -headdesk-

ITACHI: My career's officially been shitted on by a homeless guy.

TOBI: No! Eww! That's so- **TEMPTING! Why don't we, Tobi? **BECAUSE IT'S DISGUSTING!! **LEARN TO ACCEPT YOUR FATE!! ACCEPT IT! **_**ACCEPT IT!!**_(Oh dear.)

PEIN: We were in the Bahamas during this period.

KONAN: No, that was when Deidara died in the manga.

PEIN: Oh right. We were… -someone hands him a card- …banging each other like a hammer on a nail? Aw, sick, you guys! Edit that out.

CAMERAMAN: But we're broadcasting live!

PEIN: Damn. Okay, all of you forget what you saw. …if you don't, you're a very mean person.

KONAN: Oh. I wonder who the idiot was who screwed that up. (not you, the people at the factory who accidentally made the silver bottle sit in the place where a blue bottle should have been)

KISAME: MY EYES!! THEY'RE DYING!!

DOCTOR: They're already dead.

KISAME: OH GOD!!

-at the Main Akatsuki Base-

Shniz was signing various papers until a sudden pain in his groin was felt. He slammed his head on the desk. "GAAAH!!"

-Yeah, we're back here now-

SASORI: Me too! God, what is up with that?

ZETSU: Chunin Cake sounds nice. Thanks.

-suddenly back at the Main Akatsuki Base-

Shniz's head kept hitting his desk in pain as the feeling of being kicked in the balls a million times kept coming. "WHY, GOD, WHY!?"

-lol-

PEIN: And I'm sure that Uncle Thing isn't the one from the Addams Family. That one was brown. Ours is blue. Kinda like Konan's… actually… kinda suspiciously like Konan's… -thinks-

KONAN: He's not related to me, dumbass.

**I have a question If Sasori and Sakura were to have a child, what color do you think their hair would be? (seeing as though red and pink clash)**

**From: Bronze Angel**

SASORI: Wow. I just got a question asking me why people would pair me and that bitch up. Well, despite the fact that I'd kill her and the child on the spot, Red would dominate. Red is the superior color to pink.

**Wow... you guys sure were barfing a lot... ; are you all feeling better now?  
Anyway now for the questions... Yay!  
Kisame: Uhm... here's 5 dollars as commissions for your likeness. I made a plushie that resembles you... How's that fight with Suigetsu going? If me and my friend started a club would you consider being a bouncer? at least part time...  
Itachi: sorry your little brother killed you... karma can be a bitch sometimes can't she... ;  
Pein: Do you like waffles?  
Konan: what's your favoritest thing in the whole world...besides origami...  
Zetsu: would you eat a fangirl if she hugged you?  
Kakuzu: Here's another 3 dollars! I don't think I could ever stop not being amused by you injuring Hidan. XD  
Deidara: How do you feel about Itachi getting on the cover for Missing-Nin monthly?  
Tobi: did you know that your adorable when your all evil master mind? Here's a cookie! :)  
Madara: Face it, you two (you and Tobi) are so cute it's evil...  
To all who are in the know: Have you figured out anything more about Uncle Thing yet? ...He's not near me is he? :goes to hide:**

**From: Kobukat**

(Yes, we were)

-throws the money in his eyes-

KISAME: GAAAAAAAAAHHH!! THE PAPER!! IT KILLS!! And I don't know where I am anymore in the manga…

ITACHI: Yeah. I'm just glad that it's over. I can't believe I went as far as making my own eyes bleed. Seriously!

PEIN: yeah I like waffles. Do you like pancakes?

KONAN: Flowers. Although that doesn't mean I like getting paper flowers as my BIRTHDAY PRESENT!! –glares at Pein-

ZETSU: Of course not! …Well, maybe a nibble, but that's it! Well… maybe an arm or… a leg… -everyone scoots away-

KAKUZU: What!? But I was gonna get a suitcase of money for being nice to him!! I-It's so CONFUSING!! –explodes (again)-

DEIDARA: What!? I totally had that position in my hands! Fudge you, Itachi!!

TOBI: -chomps cookie down- Thank you! I'll be evil more often! :D (He means well, really)

**MADARA: Cute is evil… but evil is **_**not**_** cute! Never! (But thanks anyway.)**

(We should hope not. But if there's a blue hair pile next to you… it's probably him. Keep an eye out.)

(Oh, and by the way, me an' the Editor are going to try a New Kisame's Corner format for answering question. Please tell us which one you think is better. Thanks.)

**I ish back!**

Sasori: Aww...I sorry for making you sad. Here, have a Reese's (I know you like them). Now, time for questions!

SASORI: …Thanks… I think.

**Konan: So...the only girl at Akatsuki, huh? I'm just surprised you're not pregnant yet. :D**

KONAN: How… thoughtful.

**Pein: How's Life?**

PEIN: Bad. You?

**Kakuzu: Yeah...I got your mail again, I never would've figured that you subscribed to Playboy and Penthouse. Also...if Hidan's immortal why haven't you tried stealing his heart?  
**

KAKUZU: FRAMED! I've been framed! –shifty eyes- And… I dunno. That's a good question. I should-NO! I promised to be his friend for the day to get money! But no, I'll get five dollars if I be mean! GAAAHHH! –explodes for the third time this chapter-

**Itachi: Wow...sucks that Kisame outlived you.**

ITACHI: I know… this sucks…

**Kisame: Good job in lasting longer than Itachi! (thumbs up)**

KISAME: -thumbs up- :D

**Tobi: (pats head) You ish such a good boy! **

TOBI: :D :D :D :D :D

**Madara: (flicks off) Suck it.**

**MADARA: **_**You **_**suck it. Hmph!**

**Deidara: Yeah...Envy(FMA)called, he said you were a cheating whore.**

DEIDARA: Well… we _did_ almost get them killed back in Attack of the Tobi… wait… did we ever let them out of the prison?

PEIN: OH SNAP!!

**Hidan: (puts hand on shoulders) Dude...you seriously need to get laid. Nobody likes to die a virgin.**

HIDAN: Well, who said I was gonna die? Muahaha…

**Well, that's all Ja ne!**

**From: nekomaniac13 **

**You don't know what Hinamizawa'd means? Then just ask Hidan, since he watches it...**

BLOOD AND GORE!!

Y'mean like Claire from How Are We Still Alive? Cuz that Claire is awesome...But you guys need Lucy, and since most of the members are considered 'dead', shouldn't you, like, y'know, get some MORE members? Besides that...Lucy pwns, as does Bando-sama.

PEIN: No, we mean Claire as in me and Konan's (adopted) daughter! (See Akatsuki: The Family Project)

Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame are awesome!

(They all think that that's awesome. Except for Kisame, whose eyes were horribly incinerated by death-star-level lights.)

-steals Hidan's scythe- -shifty eyes-

HIDAN: Wait… What!? (lol ur name)

**From: Wait.What**

**Itachi: Have you accepeted your nomination for president? (I'd vote for you)**

ITACHI: Uh… No. Actually I haven't. I'M DEAD. **  
Kakuzu: Got some bad news, you've recieved a court summons, appearntly Xigbar and Luxord are accusing you of heart theft.**

KAKUZU: I thought they didn't have any hearts!!

HIDAN: You were the reason they're heartless, moron.

**Tobi: How much Pocky have you eaten? (Also nominates him for president)**

TOBI: Oh… -exlpodes-

**Madara: Ever thought of finding your own body to use? **

**MADARA: Uh… Nah, I don't really see that happening… I mean, I already got my place set up here in Tobi's head an all… I'm just a little too settled to start moving so… yeah…**

**Deidara: About the Hinata breaking up, can it be safe to say "APRIL FOOLS!"**

DEIDARA: April… Fools… I'M SUCH A RETARD!!**  
Hidan: You've got some competition for your role in Violence the Movie The Sequel, it's Nnoitra**

HIDAN: Not for long… hehe…

**Konan: Your my favorite female character in Naruto (along with Hinata and Temari), wish you luck in your future.**

KONAN: Thank you.

**Pein: Not letting me join eh. (Gets on phone and calls Szayel to rip out Pein's piercings)**

PEIN: Oh yeah? –snaps fingers; all 6 of Pein's bodies go to beat up Szayel- Muahaha…

**Kisame and Sasori: Might want to start hiding, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow are at your front door.**

KISAME: That's not fair! I'm handicapped!  
SASORI: That's so fair! I should run!

**From: aaaa**

**Kisame: Go find a gf**

KISAME: …I _would_ if my eyes were functioning properly!

Itachi: I'm so sorry you're dead my Itachi-Fangirl friend sobbing in the corner

ITACHI: I'm sorry too. And I give no sympathy to your Itachi-fangirl.

Sasori: Dont lie. If you were gay you would so be in love w/ Dei-kun.

SASORI: Well I don't really have a lot options around here, now do I?

Konan: Three Days Grace is better than Lincoln Park

KONAN: Hm…

Deidara-kun: EK! I ordered your ring online and it finally came in the mail! Don't worry, i know you're not gay. I even remind people that in every video i post on YouTube.

DEIDARA: Good to know, and you're now in possession of my missing Akatsuki ring. Give it back. NOW.

PEIN: Don't take it personally, he's just pissed 'cause he got April Fooled.

DEIDARA: I DON'T GET APRIL FOOLED!! GRAWR!! –eye twitches and foams slightly at the mouth-

**From: Deidara-Kun-Fangirl**

**ATTENTION: someone who hasn't read the recent manga chapters from Japan shouldn't read this unless they want a big spoiler  
-hits head on desk and cries- ITACHI! Why did you go and let you self get killed! No I can't focus and think, and I feel depressed. I hope you're happy!**

**From: FearTheFan**

ITACHI: I am, thanks. :D

**I truly am honored to review the great Akatsuki, (and to express my sympathies for having half of your ranks axed off)**

Itachi- Sasuke is suing you for sexual harassment from that head-poke you gave him

ITACHI: Oh come on! I barely touched the guy!! I-I mean, I didn't do it… yeah.

**Hidan- The Order of Jashin has nominated you for Chief Monk, Hail Jashin!**

HIDAN: Okay, now I know this is bullshit. I'm the only monk left, dimshit!

**Kisame- Describe your relationship with the Seven Swordsman**

KISAME: Hmn… -he has patches over his eyes- Well, we play card occasionally, but other than that we barely see each other. (in his case, he literally doesn't see them lol)

**Konan- Ever thought of killing Pein and taking over Akatsuki?**

KONAN: I did… and I almost did last night. But then I remembered who he has to suck up to to keep his job. So I just kinda figured…

**Deidara- Where do you get your explosive clay? (And can you use it to blow up Kim-Jong-Il?)**

DEIDARA: I honestly don't know. Every morning I wake up to a gigantic sack of the stuff in my room by the door. It's creepy, but it works.

**Kakuzu- Don't ask me why but Hinamori wants to kill you for some reason**

KAKUZU: Maybe it's because I took that bracelet Captain Aizen gave her before he turned all evil. Well, she's not gonna get it now. I already sold it on eBay to some guy in Wisconsin.

**Tobi- When did you start sharing your body with Madara?**

TOBI: It all started when I was born. Back when I was a small organism in a test tube in the Tobi cloning facility. I woke up in the tube to see a man with orange hair grabbed my test tube and injected me with a strange liquid. When I finally grew to a functional state, there would always be a slight mumble in the back of my head. As the years went by, the mumbles turned in to words and that's how I found out that I had a piece of Madara injected into me for some kind of experiment someone never finished! Cool, huh!?

PEIN: For the record, It's not that the experiment wasn't finished, it failed. I –I mean – the person was trying to make some kind of super soldier to overthrow Madara and bring about a NEW ERA OF AKATSUKI!! And instead it came out like this –points to Tobi-. But of course, that's just speculation…

**Madara- Do you like Pocky as much as Tobi?**

**MADARA: I hate you. Good day.**

**Pein- Why do you act as Madara's puppet in the Manga?**

PEIN: Why do _you… _uh… a-ask stuff I can't explain fully!? Huh!? Answer, you low-lifed bastard! BRING IT!! –overreaction-

**Zetsu- Got some news about your dead sister, in truth she's alive and serving as Ichimaru's vegetable garden.**

ZETSU: How nice. I'm related to a vegetable garden. I'll go kill myself now.

**Sasori- Do you know that a lot of people like to make Pinocchio jokes out of you?**

PINOCCHIO: Really? I never _noticed!_ HEY!! Change that back to Sasori!!

ME: LOL.

Don't let your recent casualties discourage you! I have every confidence you will win this war! TO VICTORY OR DEATH!1

PEIN: Rah! –how unenthusiastic -.- -

**From: Kagekatsu**

**Itachi- how does it feel being dead? (truthfully i don't actually think your dead)**

ITACHI: Not pleasant. It's a sort of DO NOT WANT feeling.

**Kisame- how long can you hold youour breath under water?**

KISAME: Surprisingly, not very long. That is, if my life's not in danger.

**Konan- do the other members treat you like dirt? (people treat me like dirt sometimes to u have my sympathy)**

KONAN: Actually, I treat _them_ like dirt.

**Pein- are your piercings heavy?**

PEIN: Not really. –head suddenly drops to the ground- _sigh…_

**Tobi- i baked you a cake and who is your favorite death note character?**

TOBI: YAY!! And My favorite Death Note Character is the DEATH NOTE!! IT'S SO AWESOME!!

**Madara- are you sure you didn't take another members eyes?**

**MADARA: I might've been an accomplice in the incinerating of Kisame's eyes.**

**all- do you have the new panic at the disco cd?**

ALL: No. No we don't.

**byez!**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

**HALLO!-  
I gots more QUESTIONS!**

ok, I gots 1 question for all of you and some separate ones

ALL OF YOUZ: Do you want to meet my pregnant kitty?

ALL: O.o… N-No thanks…

Kitty: MROW!jumps on TV  
...ok...  
Shinz: GO DIE IN A DITCH!

SHNIZ: I have the sudden urge to die in a ditch…

Itachi: take a stick!hands stick

ITACHI: -whacks Kisame with it-

KISAME: OOW!! OH GOD, IT HURTS!!

snifflesaw i have a cold:(  
cough coughFEEL BAD FOR ME!

Kisame: ur blue!

KISAME: SO what if I'm blue (and sightless)? Doesn't the judgment of a person depend on how they are on the inside? Isn't the whole point of living being yourself and living life to the fullest? I for one, do not judge anybody by the color of their skin (haha, Zetsu, you're black and white lol).

(No one really cares)

Madara: u r old like a century old HAHAHHAHAHA

**MADARA: That means I know more than you do, retard. HAHAHAHAHA!!**

Tobi: Take and orangetosses a Tangerine

TOBI: YAY! –gets stuck in eye hole- Uh-oh. –tries to pull it out; fails- This… is not good. D:

ROAR! sniff

**From: AkatsukiGirl200**

**Ahem!!  
Itachi: i love you, I'm not a fangirl and can i have your babies?**

ITACHI: Uh… Wh-What? No!

**Deidara: when you ripped off your shirt in manga, i shouted 'now off with the pants, and got many strange looks, but why DIDNT you take of your pants and kill Sasuke will your hotness?**

DEIDARA: …I'm scared of this person, guys…

**Tobi: YOU ARE A BAD BOY!! :...why did you plan itachi's death!?...meh...i stil kinda think your cool...**

TOBI: I-I-I didn't mean to! It was Madara!

**Hidan: my friend thinks you're hot...will you go out on a date with her?**

HIDAN: No. No I won't.

**From: xTomomi-Itachi's-Stalkerx**

ITACHI: Wh-what!? Stalker!?

**Itachi: WHY DID YOU DIE!?  
...ah, well. I actually got over that pretty quickly...amazing. O.O But...I shalt mish you.**

ITACHI: O-Okay, whatever you say, just please don't ask if you can have my babies O.o Th-That's something Miroku would say! (from Inuyasha)

**Madara: I AM ABOUT TO SEE YOUR FACE! MUAHAHAAHAHAHHAHDASFKDSNVRKGB!**

**MADARA: O.o… Good for… you…?**

**Hidan: I luff you suddely! ZOMG!1**

HIDAN: How great. Go away.

**...um...**

**Tobi: Here. Have a monkey...and a cookie!**

TOBI: YAY A COOKIE!!

**Pein:...would you get mad if someone coughcoughnotmecough acidently spelled ur name pen? and called you pen?**

PEIN: Yes. Yes I would.

**Konan: Heres a ticket to a cruise. GEt away from the idiots and buy smething pretty...an get me a cookie plsh.**

KONAN: I'm afraid I'll have to decline. The last time I left for a while when I came back everything was in flames. And dead.

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai **

-:-

"Okay guys, good work! Get out now, go home, get off my property." Kisame called, waving off the staff members. The Akatsuki members began to leave. "NO, not you guys! You stay." He said. "Dammit." They all muttered.

"So, Deidara, you find anything about Uncle Thing?" Pein asked.

"Well, Uncle Thing used to live at Wammy's house. An orphanage that raises children to become the next L." Deidara explained. "And what, may I ask, is an 'L'?" Pein asked. "He's a super-awesome detective in the anime Death Note."

"Oh… so Uncle Thing's a detective sent by another dimension to kill us, eh!? I KNEW IT! (no he didn't)" Pein declared lamely.

"…Actually, it says here that he left because he didn't want his life to be decided by other people. He's a free… wad of hair." Deidara said awkwardly. "I see. Anyone else find anything interesting?" Pein asked, looking at the group.

Hidan raised his hand. "Yes, Hidan?" Pein said. "I realized… that if you poke Tobi in the side of the head… he dies."

"…Noted. Anyway, anybody else have any information?" Hidan raised his hand again. "Come on. Anybody else besides Hidan?" Pein glanced at Hidan again and sighed. "Fine. Hidan. What now?"

"Tobi's retarded." Hidan said. Pein whacked him across the head with a rusty metal bat. "You're retarded! Okay, so here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna go up to Uncle Thing and ask him straight on, 'Who the fuck are you?'"

"No! But that's too awkward!" Deidara said.

"Hidan said that Tobi'll die if we poke him in the side of the head while he was right behind me! Nothing gets more awkward than that! You'll do it." Pein ordered. "…okay…" Deidara said hesitantly.

"Everyone clear?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

-sudden explosion-

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

"THE WHOLE BUILDING IS EXPLODING!"

Pein looked out the window and saw Uncle Thing holding a detonator across the street. "_YOU…_" was the last thing Pein said before the room he was in exploded.

Uncle Thing watched as the light of the explosion reflected off his sunglasses.

-:-

Yes, Kisame's blind.

No, Tobi never got rid of the monkey.

Or the orange.

...

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!**

Hehe... Yeah.


	15. EPISODE 15: UNCLE THING: DEAD?

**Kisame's Corner**

Let's get some shoes.

Chapter 15: w00t

Kisame groaned as he woke up. His head was throbbing. He opened his eyes only to be face to face with our favorite pile of blue hair, Uncle Thing. "Wh-What the!?" Uncle Thing scribbled something on his clipboard and handed it to his Kisame. "…It's a badly drawn kitten. Why are you giving me a picture of a badly drawn kitten?" Uncle Thing ignored him (or seemed to) and walked out the door.

Itachi, who was less injured and in the bed next to Kisame, said, "It's to cheer you up." Kisame looked at him and then the drawing and back to Itachi. "Where'd you come from?" he asked. "The picture is to cheer you up. Right now we're... in a hospital. Uncle Thing carried us here." Itachi explained. "Wasn't Uncle Thing the one who blew us up?" Kisame said, confused. "Actually he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. See? Here's a security recording of the incident."

Itachi got a remote to a TV (both of which came out of nowhere) and pressed the 'on' button.

The tape showed Uncle Thing playing with a remote-control toy car until a real car crushed it. He looked down in disappointment when all of a sudden the base blew up.

"…what was that camera doing in the opposite building of our base?" Kisame asked. "Look, you don't wanna know. So anyway, the point is, Uncle Thing saved us and you should thank him." Itachi said.

Just then Uncle Thing walked into the room, drinking a can of beer. Somehow. His mouth is covered in hair. When it finished the drink it crushed the can and… ate it as well. Ew.

"Uh… Okay. Well, to avoid any other weirdness, why don't we start the show?" Kisame looked around for a camera. "Ah, here's one." He took the camera (the one that was filming this moment) and handed it to Uncle Thing. "Hey, Uncle Thing, could you , uh, hold this for me?" When Uncle Thing touched it, the camera was absorbed into his body. Kisame raised a brow as the Camera's noticeable shape made its way to Uncle Thing's forehead. "Uh. Okay. Thank you."

Kisame made his way to his bed and used it as a (very wobbly and unstable) stage.

-:-

KISAME: Welcome to Kisame's Corner! As you can see, everyone is now next to Itachi over there.

-Everyone is in full body casts except for their heads-

KISAME: …so, here we go!

**All: I hope none of you are hurt after the explosion.**

**Deidara-kun: You will NEVER get it back! MWAHAHAHA!**

Kakuzu: Now you have to buy a NEW ring for Dei-kun! MWAHAHAHA!

Kisame: Here's some contacts. Don't be ashamed about being blind, remember, Itachi is too.

Madara: GO TO HELL! How could leave a cliff-hanger ending and then NOT SHOW YOUR FACE?!

Kakuzu: I'll give you 1200 if you kill Madara!

Itachi: I liked you better when you were evil.

Hidan: Here's a new scythe.

Uncle Thing: WHY DID U BLOW UP AKATSUKI?! DEIDARA-KUN WAS IN THERE! NOW FACE THE WRATH OF A DEIDARA FANGIRL!

pulls out machine gun and corners uncle thing

**From: Deidara-Kun Fangirl**

ALL: Oh, it's no big deal, just a bunch of broken bones… and… Tobi still has an orange in his eyehole and the monkey's still bothering him.

UNCLE THING: -takes monkey and orange and eats them both-

KISAME: Dude, that is awesome. He's like our own personal trash can thing!

DEIDARA: You forced me to do this. Interns! Attack! –Interns somehow find your house using your email address and leave-

PEIN: You realize that it'll take them days to find that house.

One of the Interns came back and turned on the computer. "I need to MapQuest this…" he muttered. "Aw man, it's all the way on the other side of the- aw man! Oh well. Gotta print it. Don't mind me." The intern waved.

KAKUZU: Wait… what? I gotta buy a ring for him!? Do you know how gay that would look!? Or… how _not_ gay it'll look for those who think he's a she. (LOL)

KISAME: Oh awesome! Contacts!

DOCTOR: Hey, Kisame! I brought you new robotic eyes that shoot lazers!!

KISAME: Even more awesome! –tosses the contacts away and goes for lazer-shooting robotic eyes- COOL!! Hey, look! –shoots surgeon- AHAHAHAHA!!

**MADARA: It's called suspense. DEAL WIT IT.**

KAKUZU: Now this is more like it! –holds up ax to kill Madara-

**MADARA: Do it! We both know it won't work!**

KAKUZU: Okay. –chops off head-

**MADARA: -blech- **

KAKUZU: Holy shit! It worked!

ITACHI: I-I-I'm still evil! Really, I am!

PEIN: No, according to the manga, you're a good guy.

-everyone starts to beat Itachi up-

HIDAN: Cool! This is almost exactly the same as my old scythe! Thank you! –fake happy face- …Am I off screen? –stage hand nods- Good. Intern, burn this. You, bring me my other scythe. Ooh, the chainsaw one! The one I use in the director's cut! –muahaha-

UNCLE THING: …?

**What is with the barfing? I made all you heads exploded. Beat that Pein! Go Konan! Whip the guys for me.**

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

KONAN: I will. –takes out whip-

-everyone scoots away-

**:blinkblink: Are you guys okay? um...alright question time now?**

Kisame: Wow and I always thought Itachi would be the blind one of the pair...uh sorry the money caused you pain. Anyway I was wondering about your teeth...don't they grow back because your half shark? Also here's a really cool pair of sunglasses, and a coupon to some eye laser place... they might help...  
Itachi: curse you for spoiling my chance at seeing Tobi-kun's face! T.T  
Pein: I do like pancakes! :D Do you like French toast?  
Konan: I bet you could solve the uncle Thing problem if these guys weren't so distracting. :)  
Deidara: Wow Hinata-Chan's worried about you, and in extreme boredom I made 3 of your figures out of left over clay and a turtle! ...you make it look easy...  
Tobi/Madara: I am a bit annoyed that you had to put the mask on, but :sigh: I guess it's not your fault...So here's a cookie, a banana for your monkey, and a butter knife to get rid of the orange! Now...do you have a spare mask that I can borrow? I'm going to cosplaying as you at a con, and my friend's gonna be Dei-chan! I'm even thinking of making a cape so I can be Evil Tobi too...or super Tobi... :D  
Kakuzu: You know...with the crazy Hidan fangirl out there you could probably get a lot of money if you sold...or rented out Hidan on E-bay. Since he's the less dangerous Bishi in Akatsuki... and besides, it would be amusing if the bid was won by a fan boy. XD  
Zetsu: aw Your depressed again... You know what I always do to make me happy? (...besides drawing Akatsuki character's being silly...) I listen to happy and hyper music! But if that doesn't work just think of this, You're not a dead Akatsuki member, and I bet Mrs. Lovette has some tasty meat pies for you! :)  
Uncle Thing: can you speak? um...did you eat my neighbor's cat? ... :hides:  
To everyone: What did you think of the movie Sweeny Todd? And when you get better will you do the CaramellDansen?

**Peace and Donuts  
Kobukat, A Kisame Fangirl.**

KISAME: I got eye lasers right here! –zaps a piece of ceiling and falls on Itachi- Muahaha. And thanks for the offer, but I'm fine. As for my teeth… -pulls out teeth (AAGH!!) a tooth grows back- Aw, dude, that is awesome! But incredibly painful!

ITACHI: _My _fault? Yes. Yes it is.

PEIN: YEAH I LIKE FRENCH TOAST! DOO DO DO DO CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTHFUL!! (LOL)

KONAN: Yes. I agree. In fact, I already know everything there is to know about him, but I have been paid… a decent amount of money to keep me quiet.

UNCLE THING: -thumbs up-

KONAN: -thumbs up-

DEIDARA: …Haha…?

TOBI: Yay cookie!

MONKEY: OOH OH OH AAAHh!! (Yay Banana!)

TOBI: -tries to get orange out of eye using knife- OWWW!! It went straight through the orange and into my eye!! The juice! It stings!! –Twitch-

PEIN: …As for the spare mask… could somebody give me Tobi's spare mask case?

UNCLE THING: -suddenly coughs it up-

PEIN: Uh… thanks. Ew.

When Pein opened the box, there were a bunch of different Tobi masks, all of them different colors and styles. One of them was made entirely of eye balls. When Pein touched it, the eyes blinked.

PEIN: Uh… yeah. No.

KAKUZU: Less dangerous? He has a three-bladed scythe and is immortal! What the hell are you talking about!?

ZETSU: Mrs… Lovette?

UNCLE THING: … -nods-

ALL: Really!?

UT: -nods-

ALL: Then say something!

UT: -shakes head-

ALL: Why not?

UT: -draws middle finger on clipboard-

ALL: Oh, I see how it is!!

**Ahem  
Itachi: please reconsider 0 i'll do anything you want me too, and i can cook dango!! and can i kill Sasuke? and it totally sucks that you die!!  
Konan: i think you're hot :3, whats your sexual orientation?  
Pein: i like chu! you're cool! AKATSUKI FTW!  
Kisame: how long has it been since you got laid? or are you still a virgin?**

**From: xTomomi's-Itachi's-Stalkerx**

ITACHI: Um… still no… no… I don't care what you can cook and… no.

KONAN: ………… Thanks… and… what?

PEIN: Yes. Yes I am cool.

KISAME: …NEXT QUESTION. –unhappy face-

**Tobi and Hidan: I cosplayed as you guys you know. And it burned thru my bank account... Well cosplaying as Hidan did. I used a swirly mousepad for Tobi's mask.****Konan: Any chance you might wanna just kill the guys and just go change your name and live somewhere else?**

Hidan: You rule! points at living Akatsuki members GO DIG HIM UP NOW!

Madara: WHY WASNT YOUR FACE SHOWN ARGH?!

Itachi: You're a good guy? twitch

Tobi: Go fall of a cliff now for fun.

Pein, Konan and Kisame: Where the f2ck are you in the manga?! O.o...

Kakuzu: hands him suitcase off money Now... I want you to kill off those HidanKakuzu writers. waves around a blank check

Deidara: XD I dunno what to say to you... Hi.

Itachi: Youre a good guy? O.o

Shniz: XD This needs to be a new sport... kicks him in the crotch

Hidan: YOU RULE! AGAIN!

**From: dark-emo-gal**

TOBI: That's niiicee… wait… where'd you get the mask!? THAT WAS MINE! I WAS LOOKING FOR IT GRAAAHHH –seizures-

HIDAN: Yes, I do rock. AND WHY _HAVEN'T _YOU GUYS DUG ME UP YET!?

PEIN: -ignores-

HIDAN: HEY!!

**MADARA: my face hasn't been shown yet because… it's so beautiful that you would die when you saw it.**

TOBI: That is _major_ bullshit.

ITACHI: …don't mention that!-

-everyone starts beating Itachi with sticks-

TOBI: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!! –jumps off cliff with happiness … :D-

KONAN: It's not that easy. Despite their stupidity, they're actually useful when their lives are in danger.

KISAME: That's what _I _want to know!

PEIN: I'm watching from the sidelines watching all my employees die at the hands of 15 year olds. EVEN YOU HIDAN, AND YOU'RE IMMORTAL!! You're not _worth_ digging up! That's the painful truth!!

KAKUZU: HidanKakuzu writers, you're all dead!! –jumps out of window-

DEIDARA: Hi. :D

ITACHI: fuck, I told you-! –all starts beating him up-

Suddenly Uncle Thing whacks him over the head with a metal chair. It broke on contact. Everyone stared at him. Uncle Thing just waved.

SHNIZ: -is under his desk in a fetal position- Make it stop, make it stop- AGH!

HIDAN: Thank you. At least _someone_ thinks I'm worth digging up!

PEIN: You were beaten by a 15 year old! And how old are you, like a thousand years old!? Jeebuz!

**itachi: WTF YOU GAVE SASUKE YOUR EYE CRAP TO PROTECT HIM?! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!  
kisame: has anyone ever hit you with a stick for no reason?  
konan: have the new panic at the disco cd it rocks  
pein: are you sane?  
tobi: have some cookies  
madara: why are you taking care of sasuke?(are you sure you didn't take a cats eyes instead of your brothers)  
zetsu: did you eat itachi's body?  
all: do you like waffles?**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

ITACHI: Out my ass, now shut up! (lol he has a black eye) –is suddenly hit by Uncle Thing-

KISAME: Yes. Yes… YES!! –fetal position at flashbacks-

KONAN: No. We can't afford it.

PEIN: Not exactly. –random burst of laughter- No. I-I'm not.

TOBI: YAY!! :DDD –eats it all in one bite-

**MADARA: Because… Uh… Because… shit, **_**I**_** don't even know!**

ZETSU: I wasn't going to, but that is a _great_ idea!

ITACHI: Why are you guys doing this to me? WHO WOULD _DO_ SOMETHIN' LIKE THIS TO ME!? –is eaten by Zetsu-

**Itachi: Sucks that you died, anyways, you think you'll become a Shinigami reincarnation?  
Zetsu: The HCA (Honorary Cannibal Association) has nominated you for chief speaker.  
Kakuzu: The Bank of Konoha is willing to pay 10 billion dollars, you just need to ask what is the meaning of the universe? (Hint, money and 42 are not the answers)  
Hidan: How goes the shooting for Violence the Sequel?, And have you killed Nnoitra yet?  
Tobi: Hinamori wants to ask you for dinner  
Madara: The U.S. Marine Corps built you a robotic body with 4 Mangekyou Sharingan Eyes, shuriken launchers, ten thousand Jutsus and a Hot Fudge Sundae, they just want you to kill Kim Jong Il and you can keep it, and they'll ban the Teletubbies  
Konan: Someone stole your underwear-I believe its Ichimaru.  
Deidara: No wait, Hinata really is breaking up with you, And I heard she's now with Hisagi  
Pein: Mayuri-Taichou sent a telegram, you've been registered to be a test subject in his latest experiment. It involves sharp metal objects, a sex change, and the Barney song. And you have to bring all six bodies as well as recently cloned ones.  
Kisame and Sasori: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra are right behind your shoulder as you read this--START RUNNING**

**From: aaaa**

ITACHI: -slices his way out of Zetsu's stomach and faints- Fuck… Fuck you all!

ZETSU: Thank you. –suddenly heals his stomach- I'd like to thank… well, me! For being so awesome as to receive such an honor. :D

KAKUZU: Life has no meaning. MONEH PLS.

HIDAN: Meh, we got sued and got cancelled. Apparently total destruction of people and property was against the law. Who knew?

TOBI: Hinamori? It's gotta be a trap, no girl has ever liked me. At least not enough to ask me to dinner! …I gotta go get ready! –prepares for war lol-

**MADARA:** **kickass! Now, the problem is: how do I get inside!?**

KONAN: The bastard. –indifferent look-

DEIDARA: H-Hisagi!? Who's Hisagi!? WHOEVER HE IS, DAMN HIM!!

PEIN: Hooray. –total sarcasm-

KISAME: Oh fuck.

SASORI: Oh fuck.

-looks behind them-

No one's there.

KISAME: Check the monitors!

--

"This is your fault!" Grimmjow said to Ulquiorra. "Shut up." He said. "Hey… I think I'm slipping!" Grimmjow yelled. "Don't you dare!" (Ulqui was hanging by Grimm's legs)

--

TEEHEE

**To all the Akatsuki:  
Excluding your comrades and Kishimoto who would you want to kill the most?  
And the U.S. Air Force has sent a bomber to drop a nuke on Uncle Thing, I hope you have a bomb shelter**

**From: Lieutenant**

KISAME: -ponders- Bush.

ITACHI: SASUKE!

**MADARA/**TOBI: **Your mother!** The boogeyman! (Of course… the most logical answer!)

PEIN: Shniz.

KONAN: Pein.

PEIN: But she said not each other!

KONAN: I cannot think of anyone else.

PEIN: …I love you too?

SASORI: Sakura Haruno. And my grandmother, but she's probably dead already…

DEIDARA: THAT HISAGI GUY!! GIMME BACK MY GIRLFRIEND DAMMIT!!

HIDAN: Barney.

KAKUZU: The people who don't owe me money.

ZETSU: Anyone that can be used as food.

SHNIZ: I WANNA KILL EVERYTHING!! –random outburst from his office-

**I always imagined uncle thing as a blue haired wad walking around with sunglasses on. he looks so disturbing. I like the old format better**

Kisame: Hit Itachi upside the head for him dying.  
Tobi: Go play with a cat -throws cat-  
Itachi: HA! Now you have another crazy stalker chick! That's what you get for letting Sasuke kill you!  
Madara: Are you sure you didn't take a cat's eyes. Ya know you were blind and all.  
Konan: Have you ever tried gluing those guys fingers together. That would be funny  
Pein: If someone started calling you Joe Saunders and said that is was ridiculous calling yourself Pein/Pain, would you kill them?  
Zetsu: -half hugs- Do you always do commentary for fights like that? Did you use to be a sports announcer? Do you eat paste?  
Madara: -Smacks- Thats for talking to Sasuke and planning on Itachi to die! Who I'm still mad at... -Smacks- Thats for making me second guess myself  
Shniz: You must be happy to be in charge. Have an angry cat . -throws second cat-  
Sasori: Do you like 'Master of Puppets' by Metalica? if you don't do you like the Barney song?  
Hidan: If a super zelous atheist told you you were stupid for believing in a god, what would you do?  
Kakuzu: What's your shoe size? Have a rubber chicken

HAPPY TAX DAY!

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: Okay! –whacks with metal bat-

ITACHI: SHIT! OW!!

TOBI: Yay!-cat slams at face- AGH!!

ITACHI: ……… I'll get you Sasuke!

**MADARA: …I'm sure. –shifty eyes- I need to check into something.**

KONAN: Hmm…

PEIN: …yes. Yes I would.

ZETSU: Uh… no, no, and… what?

**MADARA: Bitch, you don't hit me! **Clearly she can, 'cuz she just did. **Shut up Tobi, you have no mother. **… Ehh!! (crying lol)

"Sir, delivery for you." A person walked up to Shniz's desk and placed a package on it. He walked away, only to step on a trap door… and die.

"Ooh! A package!" Shniz excitedly opened the package only to be attacked by an angry cat (that you sent him, by the way).

SASORI: Never heard of them and… no. Just no.

HIDAN: I'd eat his heart and crap out his soul, telling him that it was the power of the very god I believe in that gave me the ability to do so.

KAKUZU: That's my business and my business alone. (He doesn't know.) –picks up rubber chicken- What the hell am I supposed to do with this? And wait… TAX DAY!? AAAGHH!!

**Itachi: y would i do that?...Sure i wouldn''t mind...but still, thats a bit awkward...O.O  
Konan: aw, thats to bad. Well...who do i give them to...? thinks  
Kakuzu: gives tickets go sell them on ebay for all i care...  
Hidan: I read a story where u slept with hinata n itachis daughter. It was weird. O.O  
Pein: laughs nervously What if they spelt ur name pei? cuz..haha, it So wasn't me...walks away slowly, hopeing to go un noticed  
Kisame:...RAPE!! O.O**

**From: Shadow The Inu Youkai**

ITACHI: Ehehe… it's a long story I don't want to talk about it –said quickly-

KONAN: Give them to my less deserving sister in America. Make sure the tickets are two years expired, EMBARRASS HER TO DEATH!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH –this is also a long story that I wish not to explain until never-

KAKUZU: GIMME THOSE!! Bidding at One Hundred Dollars.**iz package!"d a package on it. He walked away, only to step on a trap door...**** -**sits back in chair in content-

HIDAN: -barfs- wh-who!?

DEIDARA: …You did _what!?_

HIDAN: I-IT WAS JUST A FANFICTION!! JEEZUS LEAVE ME ALONE!!

-lol beating sounds-

PEIN: Pei? As in… Pei? –doesn't know-

**k i have a question for kisame:  
WHEN THE HELL DID U BECOME SIGHTLESS?!**

**From: AkatsukiGirl200**

KISAME: When the stupid interns forgot to turn the intensity of the lights from DEATH STAR to STAGE LIGHT level. –is pissed off-

-:-

"Hey, a lot of Uncle Thing's questions are actually threats… I hope they're not going to-" Kisame started. But suddenly the doors to the stage opened and a bunch of guys in black suits pointed guns at Uncle Thing. "GET HIM!!" They shouted, shooting at Uncle Thing. All the bullets hit him, and Uncle Thing fell to the ground, dead. (Gasp!)

The Akatsukis stared, wide eyed and mouths agape.

"Hurry, before he pulls himself together! Throw him into the ocean!!" The guys in black wrapped Uncle Thing in a sack (lol sack) and threw it out the window. "WAIT! We don't live near an ocean!!" Kisame yelled. The bag opened in the wind, the strands of hair flowing and spreading in the wind. Only his sunglasses remained.

As the men in black (lol MIB) left, Tobi picked up Uncle Thing's glasses. "Oh, Uncle Thing! We hardly knew thee! (literally)" he said.

"What are you doing with the sunglasses?" Deidara asked. "Keeping it as a memento." Tobi said. le Thing! We hardly knew thee! (literally)" Uncle Thing' . The bag opened in the wind, the strands of hair flowing and spreading in the wind."Oh. And we never even found out who he was. Such a shame." Deidara shook his head in (fake) remorse. "Okay! Well, Yuck it up, time to clean the stage! INTERNS!" Deidara snapped his fingers and immediately a group of people appeared. "Clean." Deidara pointed dramatically toward the stage and the interns instantly began cleaning.

-:-

Oh Uncle Thing… we hardly knew thee… and I'm the one who created you!

PS: Claire (From Family Project) is (and has been) up for question asking!


	16. EPISODE 16: Tobi X Hinamori? XD

The skies were grey (actually blue) and it began to rain (it was sunny) on the day of Uncle Thing's (Uncle Thing's) funeral

The skies were grey (actually blue) and it began to rain (it was sunny) on the day of Uncle Thing's (Uncle Thing's) funeral. The Akatsukis were gathered around a shoebox that had most of Uncle Thing's hair in it. But there was one thing missing: A word about his life. Now this was a big problem, because, simply, nobody knew what the hell his life was like. And his family (wife and kids) weren't going to help either.

Right next to Pein was a red pile of hair and a much, much smaller and purple one. Pein kept fidgeting and twitching as they stared at the shoebox. "_Guys! Switch seats with me! This is too awkward!!_" he whispered angrily at his coworkers. "Why?" Kisame, who was sitting beside him asked. "_Not so loud! I am the leader, so I am responsible for all the people here! Therefore, I am the guy who killed him! And here I am, sitting beside the family of said victim!_" Pein explained through gritted teeth.

Pein suddenly felt a tapping on his shoulder. Hesitantly, he turned around and was met with sunglasses. Painfully familiar sunglasses. _It hurts to look at it…_ he thought. "You spelled his name wrong." The wad of red hair said in a soothing woman's voice. Everyone there inwardly gasped. _IT CAN TALK!!_ "Who spelled it wrong?" Pein growled, looking across the crowd, his eye visibly twitching. "Come on, no punishment is in order (for the moment). Just want to know who did it." He said casually.

"It was me!" someone called from the back. "Who was it!?" Pein yelled pulling out a revolver and aiming it across the crowd. "Sir, not in front of the child." Kisame muttered to him. "R-Right. Right, right, right. Uh… when we get home… I will get you." He pointed over the crowd and sat down. "Where was I? Oh yes." Suddenly he got on his knees and begged. "PLEASE DON'T SUE US!!"

The red wad of hair stared at him. "For what?" she asked. "For killing your husband!" Pein responded. "Oh. He's not dead." Uncle Thing's wife said. "Wha?" Pein asked, confused. "B-But he was scattered across the world by the wind and stuff!" he said. "Yeah, but he's not dead. He's just taking his time to regenerate. Honestly, I have no idea why you invited me to my husband's not-supposed-to-be funeral. I just came to tell you that." With that, Uncle Thing's wife stood up and left, taking her child with her.

The congregation was silent for a while, Pein still on his knees. Then he stood up. "So who was the one who spelled Uncle Thing's name wrong again?" he asked, taking out the same revolver from his cloak.

**Kisame's Corner**

KISAME: Hehe… so that's what happened after Uncle Thing… died. He didn't die, that's what happened. So then Pein found out that the person he was going to kill was Tobi Clone Number 46. So anyway, On with the show!

**Hewwo Akatsuki!  
Tobi: Do you like pancakes?  
Madara: You confuse me  
Itachi: I refuse to believe you're dead.  
Kisame: Dude. Wanna donut? (give donut)  
Pein: What is the rate speed velocity of a swallow?  
Konan: Do you like... LINKIN PARK??  
Hidan: Do you support terrorism?  
Deidara: Have you seen Iron Man yet?? If so, what is your opinion on the explosions?  
Kakuzu: Five dollars if you can tell me who the star of Evil Dead Army of darkness was.  
All: opinion of the new Indiana Jones movie coming out.**

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

TOBI: Yes. Yes I do. :D

**MADARA: No, it is not I that confuses you, it is you that lets my being confuse yourself. Therefore, it is not I that gives you the impression that you are confused, but it is yourself that allows yourself to think so.**

(Tobi's brain just exploded.)

ITACHI: I refuse to believe that I'm being beaten just because of some stupid manga. Guess we can't always get what we want, now can we?

KISAME: YAY DONUT! –five seconds later- GAAAH IT'S POISONED!!

PEIN: Your mom. (He doesn't know.)

KONAN: No, I only have every CD they've made in existence and many band posters hung up in the room I never sleep in for the hell of it. (sarcasm.)

HIDAN: I'm not against it. :D

DEIDARA: Yes, and very impressive. I could do better. DON'T BELITTLE ME!! (angry emote)

KAKUZU: TO WIKIPEDIA!! –da, da, da, daaa!!-

ALL: :D

**Itachi: Why must you be a good guy?!  
Hidan: You rock! Again! Im still not finished making a scythe like yours. Do you mind telling me where I can get one of your necklaces and forehead protector?  
Konan: Here's a whole bunch of comics for you to read. -trucks come in full of comics-  
Pein: ...Me and my friends calls you the Hardcore Peircing Dude.  
Zetsu: Im trying to cosplay as you, but Im having a hard time making the venus flytrap. Have some rouge butter biscuits... I think theyre made of random rouge ninjas.  
Deidara: Hidan is dating Hinata.  
Hidan: Admit it, Not like he can kill you anyway.  
Pein: I heard Kabuto is a mastermind behind Akastuki.  
Kabuto: Hi.  
Sasori: Did you remove your... thingy... down there when you became a puppet?  
Kisame: Yo.  
Tobi: Have a cookie... An evil cookie.  
Madara: Are you Obito? Or Obito possessed by Madara? Or really Madara?  
Shniz: This is a cool new game called 'Pwn Shniz'. Everyone join in. NOW.  
Uncle Thing... Aww... you died...**

**From: dark-emo-gal**

ITACHI: Sh-Sh-Shh!! Not so loud! –looks around- The walls have ears… (O.o…)

HIDAN: Cool, thanks! And I got mine from the fiery pits of Hell and beyond! :D Have fun trying to get one haha!

KONAN: Thank you. I think.

PEIN: Hardcore Piercing Dude? You know, saying 'Pein' is much easier.

ZETSU: Ah, thank you. I shall enjoy this over Blood Tea and Flesh Crumpets. –everyone scoots away nervously-

DEIDARA: -is hanging Hidan over a spike pit- Excuse me? (:D)

HIDAN: I know, Totally a waste of time. –Deidara cuts his head off-

PEIN: Where the hell did you hear that?

KABUTO: I don't know why I'm here, but Hi! :D

SASORI: … what. The. FUCK!?

KISAME: Yo.

TOBI: YAY COOK- cookie attacks Tobi- AAAAAAAAGGHH!!

**MADARA: Clearly I am Madara. I am not some adolescent half-faced teen that's Naruto's reincarnation into the Uchiha clan. **

SHNIZ: Ooh! Pwn Shniz!? I heard of that! It got a five outta five in the rating… wait… oh no. –rock is thrown at face-

-:-

"Okay, in order to resurrect our friend Uncle Thing, we need to assemble all of his remains into this circle." Deidara dumped a bucket of blue hair into a crudely drawn circle in the middle of the studio's parking lot. "Next we need an alchemist or a wizard of some sort." Kisame walked over, tipping a bag slightly and shaking it to make a familiar blonde haired short alchemist fall out. Edward Elric landed with a thud onto the ground. "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?" He asked angrily.

"Good. Now, Then it says…" Pein flipped through the 'Resurrect Your Local Wad of Hair' manual, stopping near the center of the book. "Ah, here we go. 'Order Alchemist/Wizard to activate circle.'" Pein turned to Edward Elric and pointed a finger at the circle. "You there, activate this circle. Now." He ordered. "What!? I can't! It's not even an alchemy circle!" Edward protested. "Just do it!" Pein commanded. "What if I refuse?" Edward asked.

"Hmph." Pein clapped his hands twice. "Zetsu!" In a minute, Edward was face to face with Zetsu's gaping mouth. He was about to _eat_ Edward. "G-Gah!! Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Jeez…" Edward clapped his hands and pressed them against the circle, and in a bright flash, Edward was gone and Uncle Thing was in the center of the circle. There was only one thing missing, though…

"Hey, is it just me, or did Uncle Thing get shorter?" Kisame asked. "Maybe it's because we didn't use all of his hair." Pein said. "Well what are we supposed to do about this then!?" Itachi pointed to a smaller Uncle Thing that was tugging at Itachi's cloak like a little wad-of-hair-child. "Whaddaya want?" Itachi asked him coldly. Uncle Thing head-butted him in the balls. "GACK!!" he fell to the ground in pain. "Why…?" he croaked.

(Does this answer your question?)

-:-

**Deidara: If someone told Hinata that you were a girl and she believed it, do you think she would break up with you?  
Itachi: Look over there -hits with a rubber chicken- HA!  
Kisame: Those are awesome eyes! Wish I had a pair, then I wouldn't need glasses  
Konan: Did you see the Iron Man movie yet? IT. WAS. AWESOME.  
Pein: Do all your bodies have a different personality, or do they just share yours. And where do they all sleep.  
Kakuzu: I'll give you fifty bucks to hit Itachi with that rubber chicken I gave you!  
Claire: Have a baby cat.  
Madara: -SMACKS- HA! I smacked you again. Oh and here's an angry cat. -throws another cat- And I'm pretty sure you took a cat's eyes instead of your brother's 'cuz he's the bagboy at publix, and he has eyes. I got his autograph!  
Tobi: Have another cat and a orangoutang! -throws both at him-  
Hidan: You know you could just dig yourself out of there.  
All: How the hell are you getting killed off by freaking fifteen year olds!? Its just ridiculous! Really Sasori, you got KILLED by SAKURA! Really, what's up with that?!**

**From: FearTheFan**

DEIDARA: Yes. Without a doubt. But she wouldn't believe something like that, right?

HINATA: …

DEIDARA: …Right!?

ITACHI: -Ah, you knocked his eyes out.- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

KISAME: They _are_ pretty awesome, aren't they? Hey, check this out! –uses sudden heat vision- Hehe, it can cut through anything.

KONAN: Yes. It was good.

PEIN: Different en_tirely._ See, me, I'm me, and me2, he's abnormally short, so he's seriously pissed off at everything all the time, and me3 eats anything and everything, and me4 is a freaking show off with his long hair and crap… and me5 is crazy. He pokes me with a fork all the time and it hurts. And me6 is just… old. He's old.

They sleep in the cellar where they SHALL stay until me5 decides to stop poking me with forks!

KAKUZU: YEAH!! Hey, Itachi, come here!

ITACHI: What? –is whacked by chicken-

KAKUZU: Haha, your eyes fell out! GIMME MONEY.

CLAIRE: yay! Baby cat! –hugs it until it dies- Aw. –throws it at already-handicapped Itachi-

ITACHI: GAAAAAAAHHH!! CAT!!

**MADARA: Ow! Wait, what!? –Angry cat syndrome- WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHH!!**

TOBI: Yay! –is whacked with both animals and is thrown out window- AHAHAHAHAHA… AAAAAAAAAGH!!

HIDAN: I would if I were in the mood to have my mouth filled with dirt. Sadly, I never want to have my mouth filled with dirt, so I don't see that happening any time soon.

PEIN: That's what I'd like to know! –looks to Akatsuki- What is _wrong_ with all of you! FearTheFan is right, you got killed by _Sakura Haruno! _SUCK-ARA HARUNO! Sasori, I'm _ashamed_ of you!

SASORI: … -looks down in shame-

**Deidara : Too late. It's at my friend's house now. And when those interns come... well... Let's just say I'm not the most sane person --**

Kakuzu : I don't care how gay it'll look! You're the money dude! BUY DEIDARA A NEW RING!

Kisame : Fu you and your laser eyes. I wasted money for you! I hope you never get laid the rest of your life!

Itachi : I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. But you can deal with it. But still... I feel guilty... Have Pocky!

Hidan : Fu you! And how many cuss words do you know?

Sasori : ! OMG! I CANT BELIEVE YOU DONT KNOW WHO METALLICA IS!

Shniz : All the other Akatsuki members are hot, are you?

All: My friend gave you all nicknames. See if you can tell who's who.

Indestructo-man, Money Dude, Fish Boy, Itachi(you don't have a nickname), Leader Dude, Lady Dude, Lemon Head who enjoys blowing stuff up, Pinocchio, Pumpkin Head, Psychotic Cannibalistic Plant Head.

And you guys should have a guest star or something. Seriously. Like maybe Kiba... But not Naruto. He's so annoying. Seriously. Who the hell says 'believe it!' and 'Dattebayo?' What does 'dattebayo' even MEAN?

**From: Deidara-Kun-Fangirl**

DEIDARA: …Meh.

KAKUZU: Screw Deidara! I ain't buyin' nobody anything! Unless I'm buying it for me, then that's a different story. NO.

KISAME: _Well._ (is offended) Same to you, little son of a b-

ITACHI: Hooray… Pocky. –looks at empty box and then Tobi-

TOBI: -burp-

HIDAN: Every swear word known to man. And several known to monkeys! :D

SASORI: In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been out much. Akatsuki can't afford fresh air anymore.

SHNIZ: …Maybe. Depends. All the things people throw at me have killed my looks both inside and out.

ALL: (In order) Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Tom Cruise, Pein, Konan, Deidara, Pinocchio (LOL Sasori), Tobi, TheWindAlchemist. Oh wait, Zetsu.

KISAME: It's my corner and I decide who the stars will be. ME! ONLY ME! I'M THE ONLY STAR FOR KISAME'S CORNER!! WHAT!? –gangsta hand-sign-

**Hi, I send a five course meal for everyone (including Pein, I hate him.) Hope you enjoy it. Also... Itachi why do you poke Saskue's forehead that much? To kill his brain cells?**

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

ITACHI: That, my friend, is a very good question. I shall answer it in the following way. Set up the dummy, Kisame! –gently pokes dummy's forehead- (The dummy explodes) And it's simple as that. :D

KISAME: …That wasn't a dummy, that was an intern.

ITACHI: Oh. …Oh.

**lol.**

Hidan: heh heh...sorry if i got chu in trouble with deidara...haha...:inches away slowly:  
Deidara:...i beleive that you are officialy the only sane person in akatsuki. Good for you. :hands a cookie:  
Pein: hehe...what if some one accidently spelled your name pin? ...hah...im surprised im still alive...O.O  
Itachi:...okay then...even if ur a 'good guy' now, i still think your awesome. Heres a cookie. :hands cookie:  
all: lol. my parents are sending me to a therapist now. o and i just lost my best friend. so, according to this information, on a scale of 1 to 10, how screwed up ish meh life? (oh, n my aunt told me to never get married or have kids...yah...)  
so...yeah...o

**From: MizuKitsune248**

HIDAN: It's not a problem. (hinted sarcasm)

DEIDARA: Are you kidding me? I'm bent on only destruction through my explosive art and is obsessed with nothing BUT art. Thanks for the cookie though.

PEIN: I've learned to deal with… these misconceptions of my name. –eye twitches-

ITACHI: SHUT UP ABOUT ME BEING A GOOD GUY!! Thanks for the cookie, though.

ALL: … we're very sorry to hear that. Seriously, dude. Yeah. (8/10)

**OK the first question is to a(yes i know they r a user)42 IZ DEH ANSWER!  
ok, know the cast:  
Itachi:when the hell did u become the good guy?**

Deidara:hands u BOOM! clayYAY! U MUST BLOW THINGS UP!

Kakuzu:poke  
BYEZ!

**From: AkatsukiGirl200**

Okay then…

ITACHI: I'm _not_ a good guy! I keep telling you! God, one day I'm going to –suddenly gets whacked by random rubber chicken- WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! (Ah, his eyes fell out again.)

DEIDARA: Yes… YES!! HAHAHA –throws explosive clay in Itachi's eye-

ITACHI: AAAAAAAAGHHHH!!

KAKUZU: Fifty bucks per poke. –holds out hand expectantly-

**Itachi: YOUR WERE A SPY FOR THE GOVERNMENT?! i didn't know u cared so much about our little brother  
Kisame: do you like waffles?  
Konan: have the new panic at the disco CD hands CD  
Tobi: i baked cookies have some  
Madara: r u so lonely that u had to tie Sasuke up so that he would listen to ur life story?  
Pein: what did u eat for breakfast this morning  
uncle thing: good job saving the Akatsuki  
Shniz: HAVE ANOTHER ANGRY CAT!  
byez**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

ITACHI: -sighs- I give up. Yes, I'm a good guy, and yes, I was all that the manga said I was. Shut up already!

PEIN: HE CONFESSED! GET HIM!!

--

"Guys, Guys, come on! This is crazy! We can't kill him!" Kisame said as everyone ran Itachi over. "Kisame, I hope you know that once someone says they're a good guy, they stay like that. And Akatsuki has no room for the good of mankind. We barely have room for the good of ourselves for god's sake! Now kill him!" Pein ordered. "He's right. Itachi, I'm so sorry." Kisame was about to cut off Itachi's head, but we skipped to answer the rest of Ayumi Uchiha's question.

--

ITACHI: I'm alive… I'm alive! –is suddenly kicked in the balls-

KISAME: Yeah, I like waffles!

KONAN: Oh… thanks. I guess.

TOBI: -sob- s-someone actually… baked cookies… for ME! I'm' so emotional!! :'D

**MADARA: Yes. I'm not ashamed, either. …okay, maybe a little. **

PEIN: Your mother. (Jk he didn't have breakfast they can't afford it)

UNCLE THING: -thumbs up-

SHNIZ: Yay! a Gift- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

**Itachi: So you were working for Konoha all along? Intresting, by the way, Envy's been saying that you cheated during a poker match with him  
Deidara: Hisagi and Hinata are at Ichiraku's right now, so this would be a good time to strike  
Kakuzu: The Treasury Department is claming that you have not payed your taxes in 10 years so you must arrive for court, and the IRA is freezing all your assets.  
Zetsu: The HCA has made you their candidate for the presidential elections.  
Kisame: Someone's painted on your sword it reads "Kisame: Closet Barney fan"  
Sasori: You've been summoned for jury duty, it's a custody case involving Greed, Lust, and Sloth.  
Hidan: Marluxia's challenged you for a duel over who's the better scythe wielder/Cooler Hair-Do  
Konan: If you want to, I can take your place in Akatsuki if their driving you nuts  
Tobi: No, Hinamori just wants to go out with you to dinner, there is no conspiracy involving stealing you supply of Pocky, Oh, and she's been at the front door all morning.  
Madara: Xemnas told me you suck, big time, (He's at Hollow Bastion if you want to kill him)  
Pein: Mayuri has sent another telegram saying you haven't registered for the experiment, the entire 12th division will be at your door, right about, now.  
Shinz: Saix has sent a note it reads "Kill Pein, Free Chocolate"**

**From: aaaa**

ITACHI: Uh… sure, why not, and yes I was cheating.

DEIDARA: -is already out the door-

-:- At the Ramen Shop-:-

Deidara was standing atop a taller building that Ichiraku's, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He found it when Hisagi turned to talk to Hinata, then he jumped down, grabbed Hisagi and pulled him out of the shop through the roof. "Think you can hit on my girlfriend, huh!?" he started randomly beating him to a pulp before Hisagi choked out,

"W-Wait! We're just friends!!" Deidara stopped for a second, then stepped back. "Oh. Well, no hard feelings, right?" Hisagi punched him hard in the face and then stomped off.

Deidara returned to the studio with his face punched in.

--

KAKUZU: I had a good reason for not paying my taxes: I'm too good for them. HMPH!

ZETSU: I'd like to thank all the little people! …that live inside my head.

KISAME: Oh. Great. My property's been vandalized. AGAIN.

SASORI: -sighs- I knew this would come up…

KISAME: What do you do in your spare time?

SASORI: I have a whole other life you guys don't know about.

HIDAN: I win at both hands down. You can't beat the classic slick-back hair! –sparkle, sparkle-

KONAN: Thanks, but I've grown to like it here in a weird, cosmic way.

--

"Oh… Okay, but what do I wear?" Tobi asked. "You 're supposed to wear your finest scrap of clothing." Deidara answered. Tobi paused, then struck a dramatic pose, indicating that what he was wearing was his best. "O…kay… Well, how about the mask?" Deidara asked. Tobi took a towel and scrubbed his mask until it turned into a chrome-resembling color. Deidara stared in both disturbance and surprise. "…What did you _do_ to that thing!?" he asked. "I have a strange liking to oranges and pumpkins. And sometimes I bash my mask against a basketball." Deidara slowly nodded, looking at Tobi like he was crazy. Well, he was, it's just that… "Alright, well, good luck with that." Deidara held a thumbs up sign and grinned (it was fake).

Also, I'd like to bring to your attention that a giant fat guy is consuming the snack table. Since he is obviously trespassing and robbing this building of all things food, he shall pay it all back by answering Tobi's questions while he is gone.

--

**MADARA: We've intended to kill him **_**so many times**_**, and now its just getting old. Besides, deep down he knows that he sucks way more than I do.**

DEIDARA: So you admit you suck.

**MADARA: Shut up Deidara, or I'll tie your esophagus around your neck. **

PEIN: Big deal, I got a few surprises in store for them.

--

Pein pressed a button, revealing on the grounds around the studio various weapons. "Now why isn't _that_ our defense against fangirls?" Hidan asked. "Because fangirls are _humans_, and I can't kill humans without being arrested. Soul Reapers on the other hand are _completely_ fair game." Pein explained.

--

SHNIZ: Chocolate… Did you say chocolate? CHOCO-(is shot before any attempts at copyright infringement are made)-

**Kisame: You're the most awesome character ever. Slice team Hebi to bits! :P  
Deidara: You're awesome too. How did it feel when you realised that your attempt at killing Sasuke was in vain?  
Pein/Konan: Have you ever had any thoughts of overthrowing Madara? (You do know that he probably have other uses for the demons, do you?)  
Hidan: Your God doesn't exist. (Haha, what are you going to do about it?)  
Kakuzu: I've set all your money on fire. xD  
Sasori: Damn you for dying to Sakura.  
Itachi: Is what Tobi/Madara saying about you true? If it is...Damn you for betraying the Akatsuki! And if it's not...Damn you for dying to Sasuke!  
Madara: 2 questions. First and foremost, what are you going to do with Sasuke? Don't tell me that you're going to let him join the Akatsuki. Secondly, why did you kill your clan?**

**From: Lol363**

KISAME: How can I? I'm no longer part of the main Naruto storyline anymore! I would if I could, but Masashi Kishimoto is currently babying Sasuke. Sauce Gay. Yeah.

DEIDARA: -flips off-

PEIN: SO many times…

KONAN: It's become an American pastime.

HIDAN: Oh wow, I found another person to add to my 'must kill' list. You're right after Jashin himself.

KAKUZU: Delightful. –sudden seizure-

SASORI: Damn me for dying to Sakura.

ITACHI: Either way I'll be damned… what's the use in telling you?

**MADARA: Non 'ya business, and I killed the clan because they were all a bunch of stuck-up hicks!**

ITACHI: Hey, that's not true! (I'm not a stuck-up hick!)

**MADARA: You're right, not a hick, a stuck-up DICK. (Pun intended)**

**Hello Akatsuki,  
I am XxHell's HoundxX,  
Konah: What were some of the stupidest things you or any of the other members of Akatsuki ever did?  
Zetsu: Would you eat this person who's annoying me? Please?  
Kisame:...Fish Man! Lol sorry too much sugar today!X3  
Sasori: I agree with your view on art it should last for ever...any tips for an aspiring artist?  
Deidara: You are one of my least favorite Akatsuki members...anything to say to that?  
Hidan: Your scythe is...awesome! You are too!...I'm not sure if you've been asked this yet or not and if you were I'm sorry...but anyways are you an albino? You look like one...But your still freaking cool!XD  
Itachi:...Hm...nothing to say to you...except...I hate you..  
Pein: You are my #1 favorite member of the Akatsuki, but I am not a crazy fan of your's...are you happy about that?  
Tobi: My friend Kedichi is a big fan of your's..  
Kakuzu:...Don't have much to say to you except...uh except...hmm...Ah! Would you like this 100 dollar bill I found?**

**From: XxHell's HoundxX**

KONAN: Well, being born probably tops it off.

ZETSU: I just need a name, address, and your last comment to this asshole that annoys you. I'm the living, green, plant version of the Death Note. I'm also much slower depending on how far I'm traveling to kill this person.

KISAME: Sugar. I used to remember when we could afford that… coffee tasted so much better than water colored with dirt…

SASORI: You gotta cut the organs _just right _or you'll end up with a bigger mess than when Tobi forgot to clean to toilets for five months. –stage hand tells him that's not the art you're talking about- What!? What kind of art are you _doing!?_ You sicko! (Like he should talk…)

DEIDARA: I've had worse.

HIDAN: Albino? No, no I'm not.

ITACHI: Story of my life.

PEIN: As long as you're not trying to snap a picture of me while I'm taking a shit, I'm fine. (It's been done.)

FAT GUY: -NOM NOM NOM-

KAKUZU: Yes. Yes I would. PLEASE.

-:-

"So… You're name's Momo…" Tobi said as he and Hinamori sat across from each other at a table. "Yeah." She responded. "That means peach." Tobi stated, sounding proud as he said this painfully obvious fact. "…Yeah." She responded again, wondering to herself why she was doing this again.

"_Okay, now ask her about her past._"

Deidara told Tobi through the microphone he placed in his ear. "So, what's happened to you recently?" Tobi asked smoothly. Hinamori froze, her eye twitching slightly as she flashbacked to what she called the 'Aizen Incident'.

"_ABORT! ABORT! Change the subject!_" Deidara yelled. "To what?" Tobi murmured. "_Anything! Obviously her past is a NO-GO!!_" Deidara heard Tobi giggle. "You said No-Go…" he said. "_CHANGE THE SUBJECT NOW!!_"

"ORANGES!!" Tobi shouted. Hinamori snapped out of her flashbacking state and looked at Tobi. "What?" She asked innocently. "D-Do you like oranges?" Tobi asked. Hinamori giggled and blushed a bit. "Y-Yes, actually." She said timidly. "That's cool." Tobi said. So far so good.

"_Compliment her on her hair style._" Deidara asaid.

"Momo, I like your hair!" Tobi complimented. "Thank you!" Hinamori said happily. "It looks like… It looks like a meatball!" Tobi grinned under his mask. Her frown faded a little. "_Tobi! You _never_ compare a girl's appearance to that of a meat byproduct!_" Deidara hissed at him. "_Hurry and take it back!_"

Tobi stuttered a bit before managing out, "I-I mean, it looks like… Uh… Do you like oranges?" Hinamori gave him a confused and a 'What- The-Hell-Is-He-Talking-About' look. "…We already established that, yes." She nodded a bit. "So, do you have any hobbies?" She asked, not trusting Tobi for the small talk. "_That's a good one! Keep it going!_" Deidara ordered him.

"Uh… B-Basketball?" Tobi offered lamely. "Wow, you play basketball?" Hinamori asked, interested. "_WE GOT HER NOW!!_" Deidara shouted dramatically. "Actually, I like to smash them against my-" Tobi started, trying to continue the conversation. "_NO. DO NOT GO THERE. JUST FOLLOW WHAT I SAY!_" Deidara ordered. "…smash them against the pavement! When I dribble the ball!" Tobi started waving his hand side to side, an epic fail attempt at resembling dribbling. "_…Up and down, Tobi._" Deidara corrected. Tobi started making a swirling motion. "_Close enough._" Deidara sighed.

"… an… interesting technique." Hinamori said slowly, thinking that Tobi was semi-retarded. It was partly true. "So what about you?" Tobi asked, to Deidara's relief stopping the hand motion. "Oh, I mostly spend my time practicing Kido or Zanpakuto." Hinamori said. "Ooh! What's your Zanpakuto's name!?" Tobi asked excitedly. "Uh… Tobiume." Hinamori answered hesitantly. "Oh! That's half of my name! What's its power?" Tobi continued. "Uh… shooting balls of ener-" Hinamori was interrupted by Tobi's sudden burst of laughted. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!! You said _balls!_" he giggled.

"_TOBI! SHUT UP!_" Deidara shouted. Tobi suddenly fell silent. "I'm terribly sorry." He said formally. "I-It's alright. " Hinamori said.

"…Okay, what to do here…" Deidara said to himself. "I don't think he's gonna last through the night." Hidan commented. Deidara nodded to him, watching as Tobi began to rudely eat his food in big gulps. Hinamori looked terrified. "I don't think he'll last another minute." He commented. "Yeah… And I think Madara's starting to take over now." Hidan pointed to the table, noticing that a waiter had to get involved to stop Tobi.

"S-Sir, please calm down!" But Tobi/Madara punched him right in the jaw. Hinamori let out a loud yelp as other waiters ran to hold Tobi back.

"Alright, Time for plan Delta." Hidan said, standing up. "Where are we gonna get a steam roller?" Deidara asked. "Alright… Beta." Hidan offered. "How the hell are we going to get a millennium falcon?" Deidara asked. "Gamma?" Hidan slouched as he stood, the lack of supplies irritating him. "Now _that_ one I have." Deidara zipped open his jacket and revealed a stab of bombs around his torso. "I'm always prepared." He said proudly. "Then why don't you have the Millennium Falcon or a steam roller?" Hidan asked. "It was at short notice! How was I supposed to get one at this time of night!? SO come on, let's get this over with!" Deidara said harshly.

By now, five waiters were now restraining Madara from both disgusting the customers and beating up that first poor waiter. Then suddenly the whole Akatsuki burst into the restaurant.

"THIS IS A HOLD UP! TRY SOMETHING AND I'LL KILL YOU ON THE SPOT!" Pein shouted. He saw Hidan currently burying a knife into someone's chest. "Hidan! I said if they _try_ something!" Pein yelled at him. "Aw… sorry." Hidan said, disappointed.

A child threw a banana peel at Deidara's face. "… GAAAHHH!!" Deidara squeezed the bomb's trigger out of surprise. He blew up.

--

"_Last night, nine armed men attacked a restaurant. So far, only a handful have been seriously injured and none were claimed dead. However, after the attack, the nine men left, taking two civilians with them."_

Pein turned off the TV and sighed. "Alright. Well, it could have been worse." He said, trying to look on the bright side. "I _lost_ my _arm._ Things can't get any worse than that. I have to break into the police station and get my arm back from the evidence drawer! That'll take me at _least_ three hours!" Hidan shouted.

"Aw quit your bitchin'." Pein said lazily.

-:-

Hinamori slowly opened her eyes only to see Tobi looming over her. "Are you okay?" He asked. "… Are you sane?" She asked. "Enough." He answered, shrugging. "I forgot to mention that I have another personality inside of me called Madara Uchiha. He's a total dick." Tobi explained. "Uh… alright." Hinamori managed before a doctor walked into the room.

"This boy performed CPR for five hours straight." He said, patting Tobi on the back in thanks. "They said you'd be fine after the first five minutes, but I wanted to be sure." Hinamori nodded slowly, suddenly feeling very violated.

"So…" Tobi held out a bouquet of flowers to her. "Another chance?" He asked sheepishly. Hesitantly, Hinamori said, "…Sure."

-cue shoujo sparkling romantic moment-

-and 'aaawwws…'-

-:-

Lol TobiXHinamori? XDD Seriously, the things me and my editor come up with XDDD

PS Sorry for the long wait for the update (LOL IT RHYMES)


	17. EPISODE 17: WHY?

**Kisame's Corner**

_Now with guests!_

_For now._

Chapter 17: Wow, I haven't put this kinda thing (like 'Chapter: so and so) in a while

"Hey everyone! Today we're going to take a reader's advice and have a guest for our show today! If this guest star thing doesn't work, then we'll cut the whole thing from the show. And everyone who participates afterward will be hunted down and executed." Kisame paused. "Well anyway, excluding now, we will be announcing the guests at the end of each chapter if this thing survives. So yeah." That way, you'll be able to ask _them_ question.

"So today's guest is…" Kisame noticeably grimaced. "…Byakuya… Kuchiki. Goddammit…" he cursed. "Guys, where _is_ Byakuya?" he asked. Suddenly a window crashed, and out dear Byakuya Kuchiki landed on the floor, bound, gagged, beaten, and flailing around like a fish. How ironic. Kisame took off the tape covering Byakuya's mouth. Hard. "Grah! Oh god! Where the hell am I!?" Byakuya asked.

"Congratulations. You have been chosen to be the sacrifice to the great Kisame's Corner Talk Show Logo." Kisame said in a serious tone. "…What?" Byakuya gave him a strange look. "Oh, I'm sorry. I got two completely different lines mixed up. You're our new guest star for Kisame's Corner! How does it feel?" Kisame held a microphone to Byakuya.

"Well… I have a wedgie and… a mild concussion." Byakuya answered. Kisame stared at him, and then suddenly threw the microphone in a random direction. "ON TO THE QUESTIONS!!" he yelled, ignoring an intern's cry in pain of being hit with a microphone.

(Chapter 17): "Why!?"

-:-

**Itachi: can i have ur eyes?  
Kisame: have a waffle  
Tobi: did i already say that im u in a fan club? any way have more cookies!  
Madara: ur mean u almost ruined tobi's date!!  
Pein: have cereal  
Konan: here is a ticket to an all exoense paid spa trip  
Hidan: go find me a death note!  
Kakuzu: ill give u 51.02 if u can guess y i NEVER am going to be a waitress  
byez**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

ITACHI: No… No, absolutely not.

KISAME: Ah, waffles. Good times, good times. –burning waffle is thrown at his face- … AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

TOBI: Yes, you did say that. –crate of cookies falls on him- MRRRFFMMM!! (Translation: Yay, cookies!)

**MADARA: Believe me, it would've been a lot worse if I hadn't jumped in. **

PEIN: …Real… food?

KONAN: Thanks… I shall use this for my own enjoyment. Without you. –glares at Pein-

PEIN: Aw… oh well. At least I have cereal – wait a second… IT'S EXPIRED!! DAMN YOU!

HIDAN: No way, man! You ain't the boss of –Hey, a Death Note!

_Watashi wa… Kira desu! :D_

KAKUZU: Because you finished college? Because you found a better job? BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME THE FIFTY ONE BUCKS?!

**did you peopple enjoy the five corse meal? Because if you did, you only have a extra chapter to live out our dream life because you will be in a coma after chaper18 :D Anyway live out your dream Pein ;D I only posioned his food.**

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

PEIN: -sigh- …the one dream I want is to do it with Konan without having any physical or psychological damage done to me. And that's never gonna happen, is it!?

BYAKUYA: Wait… a coma? HAHA your lives suck!

KISAME: This coming from the guy who's so antisocial that he can't even talk to his own sister.

BYAKUYA: Shut up.

**I really don't have much to say... I've been thinking to much about why I'm asking questions to people that aren't really even real and the personalities were just made up by inferences from the author... Damn you brain...  
Tobi: Hope you like your new pets  
Madara: Seriously, do you really have enough time to come up with some probably half-based conjecture of actual events to glorify yourself in front of Sas-gay? -Smacks with a monkey- No its not animal abuse, its Madara abuse, people come first.  
Itachi: I sorta feel sorry for you because Uchihacest is now probably going very strong. -Smacks with Tobi- That is sorta Tobi abuse I guess**

**From: FearTheFan**

TOBI: I do! –heart-

**MADARA: Too many big words. Tobi's brain cannot comprehend. OW! Why'd you smack me!?**

ITACHI: Yeah, I know. It's kinda tortur- wait, what're you—AAGH!! WHY!?

KISAME: And to answer your dilemma… because it's fun! That's the reason anybody does anything anymore!

**Hello again!  
All: Robert Goulet's dead! -grabs giant rubber duck and hits them all with it-  
Konan: How do you cope living with all those FILTHY guys! (lol, not really, I love you guys) Oh, and cookie?  
Tobi:I wanna play basketball with your head. Do you like French Toast?  
Kisame: Can I trade half my life force to get laser eyes like you? Oh, you're not a Shinigami Death God, are you?  
Pein: You've had piercings. Everywhere. But have you ever had plastic surgery? If you have you get hit with a rubber chicken. If you haven't you get hit with a rubber chicken.  
Itachi: You might be a good guy, but I can smell that you're secretly evil. Oh and when your eyes started bleeding in the manga, was it really your eyeliner running?  
Madara: You're so lonely. I'm gonna give you a pencil. And throw it in your cat eye.  
Sasori: Do you know the name of the hand sanitizer that kills 99.9 percent of germs?  
Kazuku: Still waiting. So, who was the star of Evil Dead Army of Darkness? -waves five dollars in face-  
Deidara: If you can make better explosions than Iron Man, can you recreate the movie in the Akatsuki basement?  
All: I'm agreeing with FearTheFan, you guys die easily for an evil organization. And all the Akatsuki guys seem to take their shirts off before they die...**

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

ALL: Why!?

KONAN: I punch them in their sleep. And yes, I'd like the cookie. Thank you.

TOBI: That was _you!?_ I thought sempai!

DEIDARA: It was me.

TOBI: Wh-What?!

DEIDARA: Yup, every Tuesday.

HIDAN: I got Wednesday with my scythe. :D

TOBI: Aw man… well, yes, I like French toast.

KISAME: No. Or am I? (No, he's not)

PEIN: It wasn't plastic surgery, my soul was transferred to a different body. Ooh! Whatcha gonna do now!? –gangsta hand motions-

-still gets whacked with rubber chicken- OW!! Not fair!

ITACHI: Yes, I am secretly evil! I'm also secretly dead! And yes it was my eyes bleeding. It stung. Like. Hell.

**MADARA:** **Whut? –stab- OW MY EYE!! WHY!?**

SASORI: No. But what happens to that .1 percent?

KAKUZU: Uh… (crap, I knew I should've taken those video game classes) S-Sam Fisher?

DEIDARA: I could, but it would turn out with something like this…:

--

"Everyone, I present to you the Jericho." Deidara pressed a button and immediately this awesome explosion that was (as expected) better than the one in Iron Man appeared behind him. However, there were screaming sounds in the distance and one man fell from the sky. "Oh crap. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THERE WERE PEOPLE LIVING THERE!?" Deidara yelled to someone offstage. "We didn't know! We swear!" the person responded.

Suddenly another missile was heading their way. "Oh dear god! Why didn't you tell me _terrorists_ lived there!?" Deidara shouted, running away as the camera was demolished from sight.

"JIMMYYY!! He was my favorite intern! NOO!!"

--

DEIDARA: Poor Jimmy… he used to be my assistant before you came along, Tobi

TOBI: Did he die?

DEIDARA: No, worse. His spine was damaged and he was left in a vegetative state so now the nurses have to take care of him.

TOBI: Oh. That's sad.

DEIDARA: Nah. I don't really care anymore.

ALL: Well… Uh… … YOUR FACE. (They don't mean it. Please keep reviewing D: )

**Itachi: Since your dead, who would you rather be, Shinigami, or Arrancar?  
Zetsu: The HCA is recommending Gluttony as your running mate  
Tobi: Glad the date with Hinamori went well, oh by the way, Xaldin stole all of your Pocky  
Madara: Kudos to Mind-Freaking Sasuke, (Gives him the U.S. Air Force Nuclear Launch Codes)  
Kakuzu: Your half-brother just died recently, they'll be reading the will soon.  
Hidan: Marluxia has set a time and place for the duel, 5:00 A.M. Hueco Mundo, loser has to shave his head.  
Kisame: If you're reading this, then your hair is on fire, and you will be kicked in the groin by Grimmjow  
Deidara: You do know that Hisagi guy you punched is Shuhei Hisagi from Bleach? If so be careful, the Gotei 13 have placed a bounty on your head. (Relax, Kakuzu doesn't know)  
Sasori: How did Greed, Lust, and Sloth's custody case go?  
Shniz: Saix has sent another telegram "Be sure to arrive for Xemnas' birthday, if you're late again or the Superior doesn't approve of your gift, Vexen will gouge your eyes, rip your heart out, and etch the Teletubbies into your brain."  
Konan: Who are your friends outside the Akatsuki?  
Pein: For reasons unknown, the Army are going to blow up your fortress with a nuclear bomb.**

Everyone: Organization XII and the Espada have formed an alliance to destroy you, prepare yourselves for war.

**From: aaaa**

ITACHI: Uh… Shinigami. They seem to have more… health benefits. Yeah.

ZETSU: Ah, Gluttony. Good times. In High School we started a band. It didn't work out though; he ate all the instruments. And the audience. …and my ex-girlfriend. But I guess that doesn't count… I paid him… she was a bitch. Bad with kids… (O.o…)

TOBI: Oh, thank you – WHAT!? MY POCKY!? –jumps out window for no apparent reason- (screaming is heard)

**MADARA: Ooh yes. This will sell for **_**quite a pretty penny**_** in the Black Market. Hehe…**

KAKUZU: Really!? FINALLY!! Dude, that poison took _forever_! –I mean… THAT POISON TOOK FOREVER!!

BYAKUYA: How subtle.

HIDAN: Right. I'll be back in about uh… Marluxia, right? Yeah. Two, maybe five minutes tops?

(two minutes later)

Hidan bashed through the doors to the studio, covered in blood. "OH GOD!! Oh god… it was terrible!!" he shouted, crawling towards the stage. "You lost to Marluxia?" Kisame asked, almost disgusted. "No. I beat him in like five seconds flat! It's just that these guys in hollow masks started beating the living shit outta me and everything! They shaved my ASS. And there wasn't even any hair down there!" he shouted, dragging himself into his chair.

"Kisame. Your hair's on fire." Hidan said. "What!?" Kisame shouted, trying to put the fire out. Grimmjow suddenly pounced through the doors, apparently looking for Hidan. "Where's the little bastard who destroyed my room!?" he looked straight at who was obviously Hidan, running to Kisame almost automatically to kick him in the balls.

DEIDARA: But he's reading this right now!! –dodges attack from Kakuzu-

KAKUZU: IMMA KILL YOU!!

SASORI: -sigh- It could've gone better if Gluttony suddenly barged in and ate the judge…

SHNIZ: -sigh…- Go ahead. I've had 42 assassination attempts on my life this week! BRING IT ON!!

KONAN: Hmm… There's… uh… that person… who… Uh… (doesn't exist)

PEIN: WHY!?

ALL: I smell a new story arc! :D … D:

**Hi again...**

Hidan: Yeh, I got the things I needed from the fiery depths of hell. And Satan told me that Buddha told him, who was told by Zeus, that Jashin told him that you needed to sacrifice a million KakuHidan worshippers, faggots and Sasuke fanboys... And that you needed to convert me into becoming a Jashinist. XD

Pein: Yes, saying Pein is much easier... But my idiotic friends dont know that... .

**  
Deidara: I'm sorry for teasing you in the previous chapters... That's why I'm making it up to you by giving you the EPIC GAME "PWN SHNIZ"... and a dinky machete from Sokka... If you know who that is.**

Kisame: If you were a sea creature, what would you be? And don't say shark.

Zetsu: You know Yamanaka flowershop? There's a lot of available bachalorettes there.

Hidan: Hail Hidan... I mean Jashin... Yeah... Jashin

Kabuto: Wear an Akatsuki cloak now and do an evil laugh or else! -points cannon at him- And oh! Dress Sasuke in a tutu!

Sasori: My friends were asking if you removed your thing down there when you turned into a puppet... You know... the reproductive thingy...

Hinata: I know you like Hidan! You're perfect for each other!

Everyone: What Pokemon do you like? And do you know the songs by The Hush Sound? I think the songs 'A Dark Congregation' fits you. And the song 'Honey' fits the perfect KonanPein and the song 'Red Wine' is perfect for HidanHina. XD

**From: Adelaide "Adell" Pierce**

HIDAN: I smell a fake contract. But the sacrifice of one million people… it does sound attracting. But is it one million per group? Or a million altogether. Bah, whatever. I'll kill all of 'em.

PEIN: What idiotic friends? We'll take care of them for you :D

DEIDARA: Sokka… from Avatar the Last Air Bender? Or Sokka that guy who punched me in the bar last weekend… both of them owned a dinky machete. And thank you for the game! :D

KISAME: Fish. Duh.

ZETSU: Don't you think I've tried!? They all turned me down and the ones who accepted were snotty stuck-up bitches… the stupid rich…

HIDAN: I already answered your question. BEGONE.

KABUTO: I don't know what I'm doing here, but okay! HAHAHAHAHAHA – wait, I forgot the cloak! –blown up-

SASORI: … that is NONE of your business. –hmph!-

HINATA: …

PEIN: How nice… Uh… isn't Pokémon just a cute version of forcing animals to fight each other? I mean, if you look at it closely, it probably has the same applications. And stuffing animals into tiny balls (LOL.) … seriously, how cruel can you get? God…

BYAKUYA: Before you go into an all-out rant, can we PLEASE get on with the show so I can go HOME?

**Hey! You guessed right! Lol.**

Itachi: Here's some more Pocky

Deidara-kun: I'm holding Hinata hostage. Date me or you'll never see her again! Oh, and Im sorry you blew up.

Kisame: I hate you.

Kakuzu: I'll give you as much money as you want if you kill Kisame

Tobi: No Pocky for you.

Pein: Did you know that one of your bodies (I think you4) looks almost exactly like Deidara-kun?

Konan: People give you a lot of free stuff... so here's a picture of Pein i found on the internet. Hang it on your wall if you want.

**From: Deidara-Kun Fangirl**

ITACHI: Ah. Thank you.

DEIDARA: Oh. Damn. This is gonna be a tough one… Uh… It's only one time, right?

KISAME: Wh-What!? WHY!? (lol jk he could care less)

KAKUZU: You got it. –tries to kill Kisame in a general manner but falls in random spike pit-

TOBI: No… Pocky? Does… not… compute…

**MADARA: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? NOW HE'S GOING TO—**

-Tobi explodes-

PEIN: Yes. I am aware of that. Thank you for pointing that out. (sarcasm?)

KONAN: -rips it up- thank you. Now I have something to play darts with. –plasters ripped paper on a dart board-

THEWINDALCHEMIST: btw are you going to update your DeiHina story now? Please? lol

**Hey everyone, nice to hear that Uncle Thing's not dead after all. :)  
Kisame: You were partners with Itachi for a while, like I dunno pals? Did you know Itachi's secret (of him being a good ninja)?  
Pein: um...so what's your favorite color?  
Konan: Your an inspiration to female villains everywhere! WWKD? (what would konan do?) :D  
Deidara: Your hair looks soft and poofy... ( I need more sleep. ) Oh, do you wear PJ's to bed?  
Itachi: I'm still in shock about you being a good guy. And now your death makes me sad...stupid flashbacks for giving you more depth...  
Zetsu: Have you ever thought about writing a cookbook for cannibals? I'm sure it could be a best seller!  
****Kakuzu: I still think you would get a good deal of money by whoring Hidan out. (tied up of course for customer safety)  
Toby: D'aw, try not to scare Momo away. Give her cookies!  
Madara: So did you tell Sasuke the truth in order to cause him to hate Konoha...or because you wanted to make him more emo like some people :cough:Itachiandorochimaru:cough: in his life have done. if it's the first then it's no wonder you're the secret leader... if it's the second then that's already done...but good job anyway!  
Well that's all I can think of, I think I'll go to bed now...Or draw Kisame fan pictures... yay for shark men!**

The sleepy Kisame fangirl  
- Naleh (Kobukat)

KISAME: Yes. I found out as soon as he died. Pretty big shock; and now I have to beat him continuously for an hour with Samehada. Oh, how the tables have turned. –grin-

PEIN: What do you care? –hmph!-

KONAN: Ah, clever. Go away.

DEIDARA: No… these are my only clothes I have. Other than the suit; but it's not like I sleep in a suit all night… hehe…

-Tobi suddenly prints out a picture of Deidara sleeping in a suit (drunk) in bed-

DEIDARA: … F—K YOU.

ITACHI: Everyone is in shock.

ZETSU: I already have. It's called "Food From The Flesh". Pick it up if you want.

KAKUZU: … What. The. Hell. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! Hey, Hidan! Come over here!

HIDAN: What?

KAKUZU: -whacks him on the head-

TOBI: Cookies… Cookies! That's a great idea! I'll send her that as my next gift! Better yet, I'll make it myself!

-everyone shakes head-

**MADARA:** **I did it for the lulz.**

**must be a freak. i went to diseny and it sucked ass...it was my eighth time going damnit! IT GETS BOARING! (i can't spell today...aww...)  
Itachi:...so, hows it going so far? here, have another cookie...  
Hidan: ZOMG! I GOT ON A PLANE TODAY AND I SAW THE CAPITAN AND HE LOOK LIKE YOU WITH SLICKED BACK HAIR AND I WAS ALL LIKE OMFGNFW!...yeah, i had alot of candy. o  
Madara: This might be my first question to you...why are...crap...i forgot...hehheh sorry.  
oh! 2/3's of me hates the other third cuz im irish scottish and british! lol, im at constant waar with mehself. **

**From: MizuKitsune248**

ITACHI: Meh… I've had better… times. Thanks for the cookie.

HIDAN: Hehe… must be my brother Gerald.

KAKUZU: I thought you said there weren't any others like you?

HIDAN: He's not. He's atheist.

KAKUZU: …

**MADARA:** **Don't type anything if you're not gonna ask a question! God!**

**Hello! I'm back!  
Zetsu: Heres the address to the guy I want you to eat!:D Hands him piece of paper with address it was right next door to him  
Kisame:...Do you know Nemo?  
Kakuzu: Here...hands him the hundred along with more money  
Itachi:...I have to admit I'm sad you died...I wanted to kill you  
Pein: Your still my #1 fav...but Hidan might become it...so give me a reason why you should stay my #1 fav  
Hidan: Would you like to go on a random killing spree with me?  
Sasori: I'm the drawing type of artist...but your art is still cool! Why die to Sakura? She's like weak!  
Shniz: DIE! Sends my hounds from hell after him  
Madara:...hm hi?  
Tobi: Want a cookie? FETCH! Throws fake cookie in random direction  
All: What would you do if Orochimaru were to suddenly appear?  
All: Did you know that I'm a demon wolf? Also did you know that I am a girl?**

**From: XxHell's HoundxX**

ZETSU: Ah, that guy? I got his cousin last week. Oh well. Feasting time. I'll be back in five. –walks out-

KISAME: I remember a guy named Nemo that used to live in my neighborhood. I heard he got kidnapped off the reef a few days before I moved out…

KAKUZU: Oh God… THANK YOU!

ITACHI: -sigh- Get in line.

PEIN: Because I'll kill you if you don't?

HIDAN: Why not?

SASORI: At least I didn't die because of a lazy adolescent teenager!

HIDAN: Hey. It was a fair fight.

SASORI: It's not fair no matter who you fight! You're immortal! And he still managed to kill you! What the hell!?

HIDAN: Yeah… pretty pathetic…

SHNIZ: Ah, Hounds of Hell, we meet again. When will you learn? –cracks fingers- (this is probably the only moment he'll ever look remotely cool)

**MADARA: Hi. How're you?**

TOBI: -barks- YEAH YEAH YEAH!! –runs to cookie-

PEIN: We'd probably kill him. And no, and… no.

**WHY HALO THAR! D**

-coughs- Anyways...

Itachi: You...-points- are a good guy. But...you are still badass. Hurrah for you. x3  
Kisame: You are amazing. x3 Keep up the good work. :D  
Pein: Don't you know that you are awesomely awesome? If you didn't, you are. -thumbs up-  
Konan: You are pretty hot. xD Just letting you know that.  
Zetsu: Can I hire you to eat some bitch that I hate? -Holds up jar of money-  
Deidara: Are you willing to blow up my school. I will give you all my money if you do. -holds up another jar of money-  
Sasori: How dare you die by the hands of SAKURA?! That annoying pink haired bitch! -pulls out rocket launcher- How about we go kill us a bitch?  
Kakuzu: Here's a million bucks. -gives you jar of fake money and runs-  
Hidan: You are SO fucking badass. I love your scythe.  
Tobi: YOU ARE A GOOD BOY!! -gives you GIANT Chocolate Chip cookie-  
Madara: You are so evil, it's sexy. Great job. D

**From: Mrs.MonkeyD.Hitachiinx3**

ITACHI: Finally! Someone who recognizes that aspect of my life! Thank you.

KISAME: Thank you. See, Byakuya? People think I'm amazing.

BYAKUYA: Yeah? Well a lot more people think that I'm hot. So What're you gonna do about it?

KISAME: -middle finger goes up-

PEIN: Yes, I _am_ awesomely awesome. DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

KONAN: Thank… you…?

ZETSU: Of course. And don't bother with the money; eating is reward enough.

DEIDARA: Money isn't important. Though it is needed.

SASORI: Sure. –shrugs-

KAKUZU: I LOVE THE FANS!!

HIDAN: Thank you. And the scythe loves you too.

TOBI: YAY!! I CAN GIVE THIS TO HINAMORI-CHAN!! –cookie rolls over Tobi- Help… me…!!

**MADARA: I **_**am**_** that evil, aren't I? Evil is forever sexy if it's me. (lol if you agree copy and paste this into your profile)**

**Hi Akatsuki  
I'm Zena39 I am a friend of XxHell's HoundxX  
Sasori: u r so...HOT!!  
Hidan: My friend XxHell's HoundxX and I have PROOF that u r albino our Bio teacher says all albino ppl have silverish hair, pale skin, and pinkish eyes and u have all of those characteristics so u can't say u r NOT ALBINO! Oh and my friend XxHell's HoundxX says she loves you like theres no tomorrow XxHell's HoundxX tackles Zena  
XxHell's HoundxX: Yells Zena you fucking promised you wouldn't fucking tell him! Or anyone for that fucking matter! Chases Zena around the room with a Kantana yelling DIE YOU FUCKER!  
Tobi: Stops running from XxHell's HoundxX Tobi want a cookie? Hands him a cannibalistic cookie and starts running again  
Thats all for now guys bye! Still running from  
XxHell's HoundxX runs over and glomps Sasori quickly then runs away XD**

**From: Zena39**

SASORI: Ah, thank you.

HIDAN: Albino or not, you've still made it to my kill list.

TOBI: Yes – OH MY GOD!! –runs-

**Hi Akatsuki! I like you all(not love or i'd be a rabid fangirl)**

Kisame:Who's gonna be ur buddy now that itachi died?Oh and you use a tampon as a weapon HaHa  
Itachi: Dammit ur a freakin good guy and you freakin cried when Sasuke threw kunais at you! Be a man!(hands itachi a razor)  
Deidara:Your awsome and i think you might have a gender disorder like me.D I like to blow up stuff too.  
Tobi: POCKY!(hands him lots o pocky)You like hinamori?  
Marada:Ever thoght of using Edward Elric to take you out of Tobi and how do you put up with all the pocky in ur system?  
Sasori: I like you a little more than Deidara cause ur cool.But why you die to that b Sakura!  
Kazuku: Don't you get allowance from ur mom?I get 20 bucks a week.  
Hidan: Yeah Jashin! Go Killing!  
Pen: Hehe i spelled it Pen  
Konan:What color hair would ur baby with Pen(haha) be? Yellow or Blue Or Green?  
Uncle Thing: -thumbs up-  
Shinz:Whenever i picture you, I see the pokemon ol huh  
Zetsu: I have a lonely yellow rose. It's the only living thing in my garden. Say hi to Zitsu for me.

**From: XSasoriX**

KISAME: I have no idea. And thank you for mentioning the Tampon Samehada…

ITACHI: I am a man. It's just that I'm not… CHUCK NORRIS.

DEIDARA: Thanks for the info… jackass…

TOBI: Thank you! -whack- WHAAAAAAAAHHH!! IT'S IN MY EYE!!

**MADARA: My body is naturally accustomed to all the sugar and cookies in my system. And I can't get to Ed because he's running around looking for Phil's Stone. **

INTERN: It's Philosopher's Stone.

**MADARA: YOU DARE CORRECT ME!?**

INTERN: I'M SORRY SIR!!

**MADARA: FEEL THE WRATH OF MADARA UCHIHA!! –beam-**

SASORI: Will people please stop mentioning Sakura!? I agree it's pathetic! But at least it's not as pathetic as an immortal zealot being beaten by a lazy-ass teenager! God! –sighs angrily and regains composure- Sorry 'bout that…

BYAKUYA: Wow, I've never seen you that mad before.

SASORI: SHUT UP! –throws chair at Byakuya-

KISAME: Nice job Sasori, you've knocked out our guest!

KAKUZU: My family were the first people I stole hearts from.

HIDAN: Hail Jashin!

KISAME: Hitler Salute.

HIDAN: Oh god! –pulls hand down-

PEIN: You know what? F—k You.

KONAN: Clearly it would be… Your mother.

UNCLE THING: -thumbs up-

SHNIZ: I can't talk now! Hell Hounds brought Cerberus with them!

ZETSU: Ah, I'm interested. And you can say Hi to him next time the Circus is in town!

INTERN: -whisper, whisper-

ZETSU: huh? He escaped? To where?

INTERN: -whisper, whisper-

ZETSU: You're telling me that my brother has somehow snuck into NASA HQ and killed all the astronauts on the next space shuttle and is now on a collision course to the sun? I guess I have to save him… -puts on space suit- I'll be back in five. See ya.

**Ek! Uncle Thing's Alive! O.O''**

Anyways. This is my first time asking questions, but hey, who gives crap to that? Ok. On with the said questions/comments/etc:

**Deidara: You're the best in the show! Don't ever cut your hair! And you should haunt Sasgay in his dreams, like visions of him exploding and stuff.**

Hidan: Dude. You're immortal and you still lost the battle. Oh well. Tell Jashin I said hi! :D

Pein: You teh best leader ever! By that, I mean from all around. The Kage's suck. You rock! The piercings have a hard-core effect, too.

Sasori: You were my favorite but then you died and Deidara was waay awesomener than you so yeah. Shame on you for losing. You should've let Kabuto heal your heart or something. If that's possible.

Itachi: Jeez! You're such a pansy! Rise up from the ashes of humiliation like now and kick Madara's damn ass! Along with Sasgay's.

Kakuzu: Cheapo. Stab Hidan with one of Sasori's poisoned blades--or the Samaheda! I'll give you a cheque with 50 Euro!

Tobi: You're cuddly! -huggles-

Madara: You suck. Go to hell. And yes, Akatsuki IS hell, but I mean the other 'hell' where you'll never return.

Konan: You pwn. The only female member of the psychopathic group! Congrats on still having a bit of sanity left.

Shniz: I'm sorry people are so mean to you. Here's a cake! Share it with Tobi-chan! -gives large cake with the logo: Shniz and Tobi bffl. –

**From: Incomparable-Insanity**

DEIDARA: I'm working on it. –cracks fingers-

HIDAN: Meh… Jashin isn't in a very good mood today. Saying I'm a failure to his people (person) and all…

PEIN: Yes. They also have a hardcore level of pain (no pun intended) Ow.

SASORI: Thank you for saying. –growl-

ITACHI: If only I could…

KAKUZU: 50 euros!? That's a new addition to my collection!

TOBI: Aw… thank you!

**MADARA: I'll bring you with me. Me and Satan have an arrangement. **

KONAN: I have all my sanity left and it's still not enough to keep them under control.

SHNIZ: Yes! A cake! Cerberus, fetch! –throws cake at Cerberus' face-

CERBERUS: -growls angrily-

SHNIZ: Uh-oh…

**Hi peoples! I am XxHell's HoundxX's twin sister Willow! But please just call my sister XxHell's HoundxX by her name Widow it is much easier!  
Itachi: Weasel man!  
Deidara: -pokes with a fork- Shniz did it!  
Pein: You cool! :D And the piercings make you even cooler! Uh if you can guess what my ferret's name is I'll give you a prize!  
Tobi: Tobi!  
Shniz: Wow people are mean to you...better keep the tradition going! -Hits in the face with a stainless steel frying pan-  
Konan: You cool too girl! I'm surprised you have any sanity after living with these people for how long?  
Kakuzu: I'll pay you 10,0,0 dollars if you loan me Hidan for a little while I want him to go on a date with his biggest fan my sister!  
Sasori: Why do you look like a 15 year old?**

**From: XxBlack WidowxX**

ITACHI: Wow. A lot of you have a relation to XxHell's HoundxX today… and I'm not too fond of the 'Weasel Man' comment…

DEIDARA: I will attack Shniz even though I clearly saw you poke me.

PEIN: Jeffery.

TOBI: Yes!? Who called!? –runs out of kitchen in a chef's outfit-

SHNIZ: -lands on a frying pan in Cerberus' stomach- Ow…

KONAN: Almost all my life now… it's actually quite saddening.

KAKUZU: Deal. Just after I get the money for whoring him off.

SASORI: Would you rather I look like a 60 year old man?

-:-

"Thank you, Zetsu, for saving the world once again from the homicidal plant mutant Zitsu. It is with great honor that I present to you the Nobel Peace Prize." A random person in a suit said, awkwardly wrapping the award around Zetsu's neck. "And?" he asked. "And the money will be transferred to the usual account." The person added.

An intern from the Akatsuki base came running up the stage. "Zetsu-san! Tobi-san was making a cookie and now it's attacking the base!" it reported frantically. Zetsu sighed. "I'll take care of it." He said, flying up into the sky like Superman.

"Look! It's a bird!

"No, a plane!"

"No, you idiots! It's a flying mutant plant man."

"Oh."

"…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! MUTANT PLANT MAN!!"

Wouldn't you react the same?

-:-

Hey. Imagine Deidara bald.

Hehe… scarred you for life just now, didn't I? Lol.


	18. EPISODE 18: It's The Corner For You

Sorry for the longest wait ever for this chapter… we, along with many other Akatsuki Lovers and Sasuke Haters out there in the world, have been mind-raped by the recent developments in our dear beloved so-not-wanting-a-certain-bird-assed-haired-dude-person group known as Akatsuki. … THEY DON'T WANT SASUKE IN THERE THAT'S WHAT THE PHRASE MEANS. OKAY!?

This, combined with our extreme case of lazinous-couch-potatois, has resulted in this long wait.

And we realize that we forgot to announce the guest last chapter (yes, we're all idiots here, aren't we?)

But we've got something better. –eyetwitch-

Our very own, S…Shit…Sa…s-sauce… GAY. NO! HOLD ON!

Sasuke Uchiha!

SASUKE: …Did you just call me Sauce Gay?

SHUT UP! YOU DON'T GET TO TALK!!

So, as payment, we shall talk about the past and origins of our dear beloved (not dead) pile of hair, Uncle Thing.

-flashback commence-

Long ago, in a land near the local deli mart, was an old almost-abandoned factory that specialized in hair growth formulas (big surprise). The company failed at its very simple job at making people spread discolored liquid over their bald scalps.

This story is about a man named James Boulevard Thing. His wife left him, and he was forced to live with his annoying mother and daughter on the outskirts of the city of Detroit. Because of his very pathetic lifestyle, he was forced to work at this very job that fails at life. Just like him.

"Hey! Jim! We're going to Hooters! Wanna come with!?" A fellow coworker called from the door. "Nah. The boss wants me to stay and do inventory on the large and dangerous pools of ectoplasmic goo." James Thing replied. "Oh. Okay. Say hi to the mom and kid for me when you get home." The coworker said almost mockingly at James Thing. He sighed, muttering to himself, "I hate my friend, I hate my life."

As he made his way to the ridiculously dangerous room of ectoplasmic goo, he overheard a few teenagers who managed to make it through the back door that wasn't locked but should have been. "Hey! You kids out there! Get out of here!" James Thing was already very frustrated and started stomping his feet on the already rusted ramp. It broke under his weight and he was hanging over the large pool of the very disgusting goo.

"Hey! Could someone help me!? I'm hanging for my life here!" he yelled. Unfortunately, the only help available were the drunken teens who were out cold on the ground (suddenly). But one of them had a gun for some reason, and as he fell to his drunken nap, he pulled the trigger, shooting James Thing into the neon green goo below.

A few hours later, he crawled back out, covered in the overly runny goo. But, not being able to see where he was going, he tumbled into a crate of their fail-tonic (pun on Hair Tonic) and knocked over a blue-haired wig off the shelf.

A few more hours later, he woke up to find himself enveloped in blue hair and fail-tonic. After realizing that he was a walking pile of hair, he decided to use his powers – whatever they may be – for the greater good. But as soon as he walked out, he fell into a sewage drain and somehow fell into a crate filled with sunglasses that was being sent to Japan. After emerging from said crate, the dock workers were horrified of him and declared him the ghost of the ocean. This lead to the abandonment of the docks and James Thing being very depressed and lonely.

Three years later, a group of nine individuals showed up in the docks. "Pein, what are we doing here?" one of them grumbled to the one named Pein. "You see that blue thing over there on the roof (in a fetal position)?" Pein pointed to the top of an abandoned warehouse. "Yeah." The person nodded. "We're going to recruit that thing for The New Akatsuki Organization Project." Pein said proudly. "…are you sure this'll work?" An American man stepped up beside him. "Sure it will, Facecake McGee!" Pein answered reassuringly. "…Whatever."

"Hey! Hey, you! Blue thing on the roof of that abandoned warehouse!" Pein called. James simply stared at him. "That roof isn't very stable! You could—" before Pein could finish, James fell through the roof with a loud crash. "Oh crap! Xemnas go see if he's okay!" Madara ordered. "But why me!?" Xemnas complained. "Because you're the intern, NOW GET GOING!" Facecake yelled. "Fine…" Xemnas grumbled to himself as he made his way to the abandoned, damaged-roofed warehouse.

"Yo! Blue-haired dude! You okay in there!?" Xemnas called. James Thing crawled out of the large crater he made with the fall completely unscathed. "Woah. We could use a guy like you! How'd you like to work for Akatsuki?" Xemnas offered. Not caring what the hell happened to him in the future, he decided to accept, since these 'Akatsuki' people were the only people who accepted him for what he was.

"I christen you… Uncle Thing! Because I can't think of anything else." Pein announced at the welcoming ceremony.

"So, Madara, didja find the base yet?" Pein asked as Madara was staring out at the ocean. "Yeah. Atlantis!" Madara announced proudly. "Oh, cool. Do you know where it is?" Pein asked excitedly. "The ocean, duh." Madara said in an 'it's so obvious it isn't even funny' tone. "Oh. This'll be fun." Facecake said as the four Akatsuki gathered with the other six members of the original Akatsuki Ten.

-flashback end-

ITACHI: There were other people before us?

PEIN: You actually think that you freaks were my first choice?

TOBI: I like to think so…

PEIN: Oh shut up Tobi

SASUKE: Can we please get this started?

PEIN: I thought we said you don't get to talk?

SASUKE: I didn't agree to –

PEIN: Are you talking back to me? You get the corner. Over there with your _friends_. Turn around, turn around – good. Now then. QUESTION TIME! –clap, clap-

**You guys should do the Counter Strike thing like attack Pein or something. Anyways, You should watch the Tobi show on YouTube. You get to see Deidara in a swim suit.**

Deidara: Did you ever wear a pink swimsuit and if you did, how many MEN whistled?  
Tobi: Are you Obito?  
Madara: Isn't your name the same as the snake's name?  
Konan: I give you a cannon to kill Pein with.

Seeyah!

**From: whiteninjaalchemist**

DEIDARA: Actually… there was a time when I lost a bet and I was forced to wear one and strut around the local pool. Five interns whistled, and ten of them ended up in the hospital. Six of them died.

TOBI: …the answer should be obvious by now.

**MADARA:** What snake?

KONAN: Canons are for cowards! Now swords… that's a different matter. –pulls out sword and smirks-

**Itachi: why'd u give Sasuke ur eye bleeding disease?  
Kisame: sorry bout the flaming waffle have a pop tart  
Tobi: have a sugar cookie  
Madara: do u think Karin is annoying?  
Kakuzu: hands money i liked ur answer but the real reason is that my class had to serve the upper classmen's dinner and they were nasty! one person made me get her a SPOKE do u no what that is?  
Hindan: kill the girl who made me get her a spoke hands paper with address  
Zetsu: where can i find ur cook book?  
Konan: do u like the band mindless self indulgence?  
all: what is ur favorite type of pop tarts?  
byez**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

ITACHI: Because it was fun. Wasn't it Sasuke?

SASUKE: NO.

PEIN: Ah, you talked. It's you and your friends to the basement now!

SASUKE: -sighs and walks away-

-:-

"Uh…Sir?" An intern walked up to Pein. "What is it, Private Watson?" Pein asked. "W-Well, you know the legion of interns you sent to the corner a month ago? It appears some of them have died." Private Watson reported. "Really now? Send them all to the basement. Dying on duty is an act of treason against me!" Pein commanded. "With all due respect sir, I think you're crazy." Private Watson said. "Everyone does. Now get to work! Or it's the deadly corner for you!" Pein shooed Private Watson away.

"Now! On with Kisame's Corner, or it's the corner for all of you." He clapped his hands twice. "Especially you." He stared at you (The reader) for a while before actually starting the show.

-:-

KISAME: Well that was pleasant! Thank you!

TOBI: Yay! Thank you so much!

**MADARA**: I think everything's annoying. Especially you, dear Ayumi Uchiha. I think I might _kill_ you tonight. –glare-

KAKUZU: A spoke as in the spoke of a wheel? Or is it an unfortunate typo meaning 'spork', in which case yes, I know what it is. And thanks for the green. Greatly appreciated.

HIDAN: Kewl. Time to test my new killing method!

ZETSU: Any Barnes and Noble or Borders Book store! That, or whatever Homeless guy might have paid to sell these books across the country.

KONAN: Meh.

PEIN: We can't afford PopTarts here. We can't afford the free samples at Costco!

YOU: But aren't those free?

PEIN: You talkin' back to me, son? (or daughter, whatever)

KISAME: Sir, you're not really going to send a fan to the corner, are you?

PEIN: You talkin' back to me, son? I could send you to the corner for that.

KISAME: With all due respect sir, I already have a corner. (LOL)

**Hi guys! It's me! -evil laugh-... Oh god... Did I just do that? XD****Tobi: Cosplaying as you sucks.**

Hidan: I converted to Jashinism ha! And cosplaying as you was great! Lots of fans. A Konan cosplayer even glomped me.

Zetsu: I'm cosplaying as you next. Though I am having trouble making a replication of your flytrap. And I'm making placards saying "Hug a slashtreeslash carnivorous plant man", "Hug me and get eaten" and "Do slashnotslash Feed the Zetsu" XD

Konan: You as in cosplayer you glomped me... O.o

Pein: Hidan rocks! And yeah. I don't even know why I'm friends with those idiots... I feel Konan's pain...

Deidara: Hi?

Kisame: If it's Kisame's corner, shouldn't you be the center of attention?

Sasori: Sorry for the rude questions. It was my friends idea... Kill them!

That's all! Gotta go continue with that Zetsu costume.

**From: Adelaide 'Adell' Peirce**

HIDAN: Interesting… -he came back covered in blood-

ZETSU: Haha… I think.

KONAN: Don't get the wrong idea. The only time I'd glomp someone is when it's the last thing they'll get outta life.

PEIN: …You making a pun outta me, son? The corner for you!

DEIDARA: What's up?

KISAME: That's what's messed up about Akatsuki. –sigh-

SASORI: Gladly.

TOBI: Well! –eats sugar cookie-

**Deidara bald. Now that's something that'll probably put me in a coma(Hopefully, I'll wake up after 10 seconds.)**

Anyways. I felt like I left someone out on my last review... Zetchu! I mean.. Zetsu! Yeah, mutant creepy planty man.

Zetchu--Zetsu: You go open close open close! Haha! Ahem. Anyways. What'd happened if you "accidentally" swallowed Tobi-chan?

Tobi: Creepy mask... but it looks horrifyingly cute! And oh yeah, if you get eaten by Zetsu, what'd you do?

Deidara: Do the hair flip thing!

Sasori: Your hair's messy... But it looks cool. And you look like you're bored and you hate everything...

Madara: If you get Kisame-chan killed I swear I will hunt MK and erase you from the oh so great Naruto History. Seriously. Japan's only a half day flight from here. Anyways, good luck with sharing the mind of Tobi! You rock. In a weird way. :D

Kisame: You. Don't. Die. Ever. Get that, Sharky? :D

Itachi: You're a good guy... so does that mean you can hunt people in their sleep, yeah?

Konan: You're so fly, yeah. Here's a golden necklace made from Kakuzu's gold stash! -hands necklace-

Pein: What's your greatest wish?

Kakuzu: If Hidan wasn't immortal, how would you kill him? (Shniz stole your gold stash! Not me, yeah!)

Hidan: Would you drown?

Shniz: Have a good day, man.

**From: Incomparable-Insanity**

ZETSU: I'm ignoring the obvious mistake of my name to answer your question. I would laugh. Then swallow another Tobi so he wouldn't feel lonely.

TOBI: Frankly, I'd cry. Like a little sissy.

DEIDARA: You try being a man and doing that without being called gay.

SASORI: But I _am_ bored and hate everything.

**MADARA: Don't worry! I promise to keep all the members here at Akatsuki (relatively close to being) safe. Except for Sasuke's group. **

KISAME: Protection? Seven of our members are dead. And numerous fangirls are on our doorstep sending us flowers. The entire D section of the base is flooded with them! And what's worse is that most of them are from the Mario games! We've lost forty percent of our interns to those damn carnivorous plants!

ZETSU: Well! –offended-

KISAME: Not you, Zetsu! You're awesome! (I guess!) And to answer the question… I'll promise that until the day before I die.

ITACHI: Sure. Why not. I do that already as a villain. WHICH I AM, BY THE WAY.

KONAN: I have been trying to get into that stash for months. Thank you.

PEIN: My greatest wish should be obvious by now: I want a pony.

KAKUZU: Chop, Chop, Chop! And as for that Shniz part… hehehe…

HIDAN: Sure. I'll test it out right now!

--

Hidan was standing at the edge of a large bowl of water. He had fifty toasters attached to him by duct tape and string. He leapt off a 50ft. diving board, laughing, and into a giant pool of water. The light show he created with the electric shock was incredible, and the Akatsukis murmured small 'Ooh's and 'Aaahhh's as they admired it through sunglass lenses.

--

SHNIZ: Today was a great day!! Nothing bad happened to me! Only horrible things did. (aw man…)

**-raises hand- I have a questions...  
Sasori-sama would you marry me?!((randoim))  
Kisame do you eat fish or are you a veggy?  
Itachi I heard you danced from sasuke is it true  
Dei-kun can you be my maid of honor??**

love middy-chan

SASORI: No. No I won't.

KISAME: I eat fish. Sometimes.

ITACHI: Danced from Sasuke? What do you mean? I don't dance with Sasuke. Or anyone, for that matter. Hell, I don't even dance. They don't cover than in extreme Akatsuki Ninja training.

DEIDARA: No. Go away.

**Wow Byakuya always reminded me a little of Itachi... And he turned out to be a good guy too... ..0  
Anywho Hi guys!  
Kisame: So is it true? Was Madara Mizukage?! :in shock:  
Pein: So you lost one of your bodies... how does that make you feel?  
Konan: Want some hot pockets?  
Zetsu: There you go to save the day! Scary flying cannibal plantman is here to stay!  
Tobi: :pats him on the head: Good boy! XD You should also have a hot pocket!  
Madara: were you the Mizukage? Sorry it's just a little shocking that a guy like you... erm... Hows the weather!?  
Itachi: So how's limbo treatin' you?  
Kakuzu: So, are you making any money with whoring Hidan out? :)  
Sasori: It must be annoying to have your death brought up again a million times. Can't think of anything to ask you so heres some wood polish!  
Byakuya: Your hair amuses my mom, she thinks they're curlers...are they?**

Hmm did I get everyone that matters? ... I think so. Well thanks for answering! And thanks for staying cool Kisame-sama!

**From: Kobukat**

KISAME: Yes. My head nearly burst from seeing his face.

-suddenly everyone crowds around him-

"WHAT DID HIS FACE LOOK LIKE!?" they yelled. "Tell us you're getting the same treatment as Itachi!" they added. "Hey!" Kisame said. "Itachi's a good guy!" immediately everyone started beating Itachi up with shovels as Kisame crawled away. "Better you than me, buddy!" he called.

PEIN: It makes me feel inadequate.

KONAN: yes, thank you.

ZETSU: They were actually working on my theme song. Most of the drafts for the lyrics have been destroyed due to profanity and… well, being eaten by me.

KISAME: You do realize that paper is made with trees. Which are plants.

ZETSU: -stops eating lyrics draft- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! –explodes-

TOBI: YAY HOT POCKET –clamps onto hot pocket- aw, I smushed it. … -starts licking it off hand-

**MADARA: There is no 'were' – I AM the Mizukage! And the weather is fine, actually. Look, see? Sun. (I HATE THE SUN.)**

ITACHI: Meh. Not that bad. Not that good, but… a little of both, I guess.

KAKUZU: Not nearly as much as I thought. Apparently the fangirls can't get past the land mines we set up in the back yard. Hidan's apparently getting a kick outta this.

-

Hidan was tied to a stick as he was laughing at many fangirls' demise. That is, until the stick he was tied to broke and he fell toward the land minds. "AHaha… uh-oh."

And boom.

-

SASORI: yes, wood polish certainly makes up for the many pokes at my pathetic death.

BYAKUYA: Message: No. (he left this recording for any questions directed to him on this indecent show)

**HI AGAIN! Its me Zena :p(heres some random questions)  
Itachi: what do u like to read??  
Pein: Have u ever loved someone/something?? XD  
Tobi: ...hello :3  
Sasori: I wonder what u will look like with black or silver hair?  
Hidan: u wont really kill me makes puppy face would u?  
Deidara: what do u do when ur bored?  
Kisame: If u can choose a superpower, what would it be?  
Zetsu: ...i got nothing to ask X3**

well, thats all i can think of for now :D

**From: Zena39**

ITACHI: Are you mocking me?

PEIN: I love something. It's name is Konan. –looks over at Konan who has a bat in her hand- Eh, it was worth it.

TOBI: HIIII!! (how're you? :3)

SASORI: Hm. I don't know, maybe- DEIDARA! QUIT TRYING TO DYE MY HAIR BLACK!!

DEIDARA: Fine. (I'll do it in his sleep.)

SASORI: I have the sudden urge to take a nap.

DEIDARA: -comes back- Aw, I just put it back! –goes back to get black hair dye hose-

SASORI: -wakes up as Deidara comes back-

DEIDARA: DAMMIT! Aw screw it. I'm gonna go live in a cave.

HIDAN: I hate puppies. I kill you. (once I get my body parts back together.)

DEIDARA: what everyone else does: blow shit up.

KISAME: The superpower that would kick your ass! Hehe…

ZETSU: then don't post my NAME! GRAH!

**tobi:look up sasuXnaru,sasoXdei,and itaXkisa pictures on photobucket and DO IT OR DIE!  
shniz:i hate you (hurts him with every weapon known to the universes,kicks him where the sun don't shine a billion million times,pours acid down his throat,stabs knifes into a voodoo doll of him,writes his name in the death note,torture him with m rated lemon fics,throw a broken giant dance dance revolution stuff at him.)oh and (this stuff has been censored because if you heard it your brain will imploded,your head will exploded, your body will combust in flames)  
deidara:here is something for you (hands a pokeball with a ninetails in it).  
tobi:deidara told me to tell you this 'your a very bad boy'.  
madara:a moon is flying at you seriusly.  
claire:here is a torture set and a shniz voodoo doll set.have fun.**

**From: Jennifer**

TOBI: -does what you say- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! Deidara-sempai! I never knew!

DEIDARA: You're retarded, Tobi.

HINATA (suddenly): WHY, DEIDARA!?

DEIDARA: -sigh- screw it, I'm going back to my cave.

SHNIZ: WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME!? (it's because in his first appearance in Rise of the Shniz, he copied Tobi's catch phrase)

DEIDARA: Ooh! The Jinchurikki! –about to pick it up but kicks it into a sewage pipe-

PEIN: Why would you do that?

TOBI: -implodes-

**MADARA: What—OH GOD!!** –death-

CLAIRE: Yay :3 –sudden screaming is heard backstage-

**i am the reviewer jennifer but i wanted to change it to keekojennifer.  
tobi:also look up seeing or sleeping red it was seeing or sleeping.  
shniz:ihate you so much that i will say this fuck you retard of a (beep beep beep beep beep beep beep) of (beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep).also shoots where the sun don't shine.  
pein:can you do another survival week but this time at the all across the elemental villages.  
everyone:what ddr song are you.i think songs are you.  
songs  
deidara:ddr drop the bomb  
tobi:ddr happy angels  
itachi:drr red zone  
kisame:that i'm blue song (sorry i forgot the name)  
konan:ddr butterfly  
hidan;:i rather fell pain than notting at all  
kakazu:ddr sandstorm (i couldn't think of one.D:)  
zetsu:ddr sakura  
madara:dragonblade  
pein:ddr tears (i wanted to put that.:D  
claire:simple and clean  
sasori:ddr mugen  
madara:what do you think of xemnas coughMANSEXcough.  
thats all for now.:b  
ja ne  
From: keekojennifer**

TOBI: I will! –runs off to computer without a care in the world-

-runs back crying for some reason-

SHNIZ: -more screams-

PEIN: I don't know, can I? and as for that DDR question… uh… no. just no.

**MADARA: He is weak… HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN WEAK!! (And retarded)**

**shniz:i hate you so much that i will torture you every time i review.(ties him to a chair and forces him to watch barney,telitubies,sesame street,dora the explorer,mickey mouse,his death as demyx,how roxas and axel are better than him, and micheal jackson naked.)  
madara:you rock hard  
tobi:heres 100 cloning machines (gives him 100 cloning machines)clone your self and take over the world or you a BAD BOY!  
deidara:did you khow that you won a billion million money.(gives him a billion million money)  
kakazu:did you know that they placed a bounty for a billion dollars on orochimaru's head?  
kisame:fish sticks!(chases him around with a rocket launcher,sushi khife,flamethrower,bow and arrows,cookies n cream hersheys,electric wires,my pet dragon frostbolt,and markers.  
****claire:here is every type of weapon,voodoo doll,torture set,and shniz torture stuff.(gives weapons,voodoo doll,torture set, and shniz torture stuff)remember the more you torture shniz the more you get.  
i like to see you all in pain but your my favorite charaters in naruto. also sorry for the mistakesin the last one.  
(the songs simple and clean and ddr butterfly suddenly come on in that order)  
ja ne  
keekojennifer:b**

SHNIZ: WILL YOU _STOP!?_

**MADARA: What, you again? Aw, whatever. She said I rock hard HAHAHAHAHAHA hard**

TOBI: But… people said I was a bad boy because I cloned myself! I don't know who to trust anymore!

DEIDARA: Oh… thanks. Don't know what good this is in a cave, but thanks.

KAKUZU: But… he's already dead… I MISSED MY CHANCE!! DAMN YOU SASUKE!!

SASUKE: What?

PEIN: BACK TO THE BASEMENT OR IT'S THE CORNER FOR YOU!

SASUKE: WTH…

KISAME: Hooray, another Kisame is fish food joker…

CLAIRE: You're really nice! –more screaming sounds from backstage)

**'Ello, Akatsuki... -evil laughter-**

Sasori: Why is it that you got killed off so early, but Zetsu is still alive? You were number 6 on the most popular list last time they counted... No, seriously, you were.  
Zetsu: ... Why are you a cannibal? And if you eat me I'll burn you alive.  
Pein: Why is it that, though the Rin'negan is more powerful then the Sharingan, Tobi/Madara is the one really in charge?  
Hidan: You bother me. Everything about you bothers me.  
Itachi: Sasuke shouldn't have killed you... you're way too HOT!! -glomps- Why is your hair long? Don't ever cut it!  
Tobi: You're cute. Madara's ugly. So how can you be both?  
Kakuzu: I've always thought your name was weird... REALLY weird... and why do you think money is so special? It ain't.  
Konan: You are most certainly the coolest woman from the series. Hinata's the cutest, but she's not really COOL... and she belongs to Deidara! Or Itachi.  
Deidara: EH! You're my fave! And you're number 3 in popularity, above Sasori, Itachi, and even Naruto. If a fan asked you to marry them, would you say yes? What would the conditions be?

**From: Birdy-chan**

SASORI: Beats me.

ZETSU: How can you burn me if I eat you? Think about it. (don't worry, he thinks he's smart)

PEIN: Because I don't want the attention. Yet I get it anyway, so I guess I can be leader now. Hehe.

HIDAN: Yeah? Well right back at you, sucker! –tries to walk with duct taped legs-

ITACHI: Get offa me! And my hair's long because it FEELS like being long!

TOBI: I don't know!! –sob-

KAKUZU: BITE YOUR TONGUE!!

KONAN: Thank you… I guess…?

DEIDARA: Thank you for acknowledging my awesomeness. But no, I wouldn't marry them and if I had to the conditions would be to get a divorce exactly one hour after the ceremony.

**Bwa ha ha give me waffles!  
Tobi:where did you get the mask?  
Kisame:ok whats with the blue hair and fish look?  
Itachi:you are a good guy and dead according to the manga  
Deidara:you are also dead but where did you get that awesome clay?  
Sasori:you are also dead so i want your pupets can i have one?  
Zetsu:ha ha u is a plant thingy!  
Shniz:cool name . . . .  
Pain:whats with the percings?  
Konan:you are awesome i want blue hair like that!**

**From: eeveegirl101**

TOBI: You know… I forgot.

KISAME: Don't people like blue and fish?

ITACHI: That's not true! That's impossible!

DEIDARA: I don't know. It just started arriving at my doorstep.

SASORI: No. No, no, no, no, no!

ZETSU: Haha, I can eat you.

SHNIZ: Thank you. Wait… was that sarcasm?

PEIN: your FACE. Or mine.

KONAN: well, it's very hard to get just the right shade of blue…

**Itachi: Good news, the Council of the Murderous Psychopath wants you to be the keynote speaker at their Grand Banquet tonight  
Kisame: Don't ask me why but an unknown assailant has been stalking you, all I know is he/she wields two Colt .45 handguns  
Sasori: Would you kill Pinocchio for all the Pinocchio jokes fans have been making out of you?  
Deidara: Zexion wants to challenge you to an Artist vs Writer duel (Since Zexion has a lot of books)  
Zetsu: Explain how your cannabilistic traits were inspired  
Konan: Some people say you have no backbone and are a wimp (Gives her the home adresses of said people)  
Kakuzu: Aizen is claiming you owe him more than 6 million dollars in debt, he says either pay up or Ichimaru will gouge your eyeballs and carve his smile unto your  
Madara: For some reason Kimblee wants to kill you.  
Tobi: The Pocky company is offering you to decide its next flavor  
Hidan: Who is the founder of Jashin? (Mayuri-taichou shall perform very painful experimentation until you say it)  
Shniz: Ulquiorra has stated that he wants to gut, impale, skin, and rip out your spinal cord, why? I don't know  
Pein: That nuclear bomb the Army is going to blow up your fortress with, its disguised as your Xbox 360, and its set to detonate in 7 minutes, 31 seconds.**

**From: aaaa**

ITACHI: Cool. I'll be there.

KISAME: Okay… I'll be on the lookout.

SASORI: Yes. Yes I would.

DEIDARA: How would that work? Oh whatever.

ZETSU: No. Family matters; I'll leave it at that.

KONAN: How can they say that if they haven't even seen me fight (for real)?

KAKUZU: HE CAN CARVE AS MANY SMILES IN MY ASS AS HE WANTS! I'M _NOT_ PAYING ANYONE SIX MILLION DOLLARS! –hmph!- I even skip out on my taxes. That's how cheap I am.

PEIN: Wait, you what-- -lights go out-

KAKUZU: Uh… sorry?

PEIN: TO THE CORNER WITH YOU!

**MADARA: I don't blame him. I'd kill me too if I weren't me.**

TOBI: OOH! How about take-over-the-world-berry! MUAHAHAHAHA—

PEIN: TOBI!! The corner!

HIDAN: Jashin is the founder of Jashin. He also discovered the formula for immortality.

PEIN: What's the formula?

HIDAN: I'll tell you at the end of the story/chapter/whatever this is.

SHNIZ: Probably because I called his mother trash.

PEIN: -sigh- Perfect. But can I still play it? That's the important question here.

-:-

"So what's the recipe for immortality?" Pein asked Hidan.

"Eye of newt." Pein wrote it down on a piece of paper.

"Turtle shell." Pein nodded.

"Ox Testicles." Pein started writing but stopped to stare at him. Hidan shrugged. "I didn't know until after I drank it."

"And lastly, half of a sausage."

"Is there… Is there anything special about the sausage?" Pein asked. "Yes. It has to be exactly half – not a millimeter off. Otherwise it will blow up your insides, starting with your testicles." Pein took a moment to look at his balls. "And you also have to be a member of the Jashin religion. If you're not, it installs a video camera so you can see your balls explode in slow motion. It's awesome if it's not you; you get to watch." Hidan laughed. "Oh. So can I join the religion?" Pein asked. "Haha – no. You have to get permission from a preist."

"What… aren't you a preist?" Pein asked almost desperately. "Hahaha! Oh god, no! I'm just an assistant preist. One rank below. And since everyone's dead, no one can advance me. And since I can't advance, I can't get you in." Hidan paused. "Unless… you're willing to go through the great trials of—"

"NO! No, I've had enough of these stupid trial-arc things! We got our fill in the last story… just… forget about it, okay? Screw Jashinism!" Pein got a good slap to the face by Hidan. "Don't diss the Jashin." He said darkly. "Okay? OKAY!?" Pein backed away a little.

"Oh, and let Sasuke and his friends out of the basement. I think they've had enough."

--

When Itachi opened the door, Sasuke came tumbling out, gasping for air. "Oh God! It's… It's horrible in there! They got… They got Suigetsu and everyone!" Sasuke said. "Now you know why people always choose execution over the Akatsuki basement when given the choice." Itachi said.

-:-

Next guest: Private Watson (Most Popular Intern in the Akatsuki Base)

And Sasuke Uchiha is up for flaming—I mean, torture—I mean interrogation—I mean, questioning for Kisame's Corner.

-wipes tongue with soap-

PEIN: By the way, to all who asked questions: The corner with you.

Go on.

Get out.

GIT!!


	19. EPISODE 19: FINAL MIND RAEP

Hello.

We would like to apologize for the _**HIDEOUSLY LONG AND UNNECESSARY HIATUS**_ this story has forced you to endure. We are certain that many of you have taken this story off of your alert list. But for few who DID keep us here… this'll probably the last thing you'll hear from this story.

The author, TheWindAlchemist, has just recently (like, six months ago) gotten obsessed to the MMORPG, Maple Story. It caused her to be a computer potato, and had her make friends with people on the other side of the country.

…

Without further ado, we shall start the chapter without remembering what the hell we wrote in the last one.

Fuck.

-:-

Itachi walked up to the stage with a smile on his face. "Hello, and welcome to Kisame's Corner."

-random cheering from guests/interns-

"Well, I'd like to say that our host, Kisame –"

-more random cheering from guests-

Pein ran out on stage, pissed off. "SHUT UP! EVERYONE SHUT UP! I have HORRIBLE NEWS." He shouted angrily. "What?" Itachi asked, backing up a bit. "_SOMEONE_ USED UP ALL THE PAPER TOWELS! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE COST!? Five cents a ROLL. THAT'S SIX CENTS MORE THAN I GET A YEAR!" He yelled. "But… that… that- that makes no sense!" Itachi said, dumbfounded. "H-How do we keep ourselves funded!?"

"We steal from the interns! And Kakuzu!" Pein pointed to the audience and Kakuzu (who was in the corner.) "Why you gotta break balls?" he asked miserably. "Did I tell you to SPEAK?!" Pein scolded him. Kakuzu shut up.

"Where's Kisame? Isn't he supposed to be the host?" Pein asked, looking around. "I sent him to get milk like, six months ago, but I don't know what happened." Itachi explained.

"Hey guys! We got a message from Kisame!" Deidara came running up to the stage. "Oh. Wonderful." Pein plugged in the VCR (…yes.) and put in the video.

--

"_I-Is this thing on? Hi. It's me, Kisame, if you can see the blue under this what-I-hope-is-mud… Um… I'm in the middle of what I think is… The Bermuda Triangle? I don't know." _

"…I sent you to get milk. How did you end up in the Bermuda Triangle!?" Itachi said through gritted teeth.

"_If you're wondering how I got here, well… you know that time rift between us and the deli? Well, I jumped over it as usual, but it suddenly grew twelve feet and I got sucked in. Apparently it has two ends."_

There was a long pause, and Kisame wiped what he hoped was mud from his face.

"_Uh… anyway…"_

"_SAVE ME!!-"_

_-static-_

There was silence in the room.

"I'm going to kill him when he gets back." Itachi said.

--

**Sasori:-sniffle- so mean!! Fine hmmp! Which konouchi? Hina,saku,Ino,Ten,or Tema? And you HAVE to pick one^_^.  
Deidra: did you steal that hair cut from Ino or did you just shave her head and put it on you?  
Tobi: Good boy or bad boy?  
Konan: Do you like Pein-sama?**

**From: DarkennedFlower**

SASORI: I don't know what happened last chapter and pick… … (since the author's still a Hinatard, we're going with) Hinata. Lol.

DEIDARA: Erm… Neither. I was born first, so I get the hair first.

TOBI: A little of – **both. Muhahaha- ** whoops. Excuse me.

KONAN: ……………

**i chandged my name again.  
sasUKE or sasGAY:i hate you and shniz so much that if it was mesured on a scale to 1 to 10 it would be a billion,also hurts him with guns,keyblades,katanas,nunchucks,flamethowers,chakra dragons,barney,telitubies,micheal jackson and orochimaru molesting him,and all my pokemon beating him with their moves and i hate you for for killing deidara and ruining akatsuki.  
tobi:look up gaaXsasuXnaru on DO IT OR DIE!  
deidara:you have to deactivate a time bomb that will go off in 05 seconds.  
shniz:never!not even if you die!(tortures him with the same torture that sasUKE has only 10 times worse)and fuck you son of a bitch bastard.  
everyone:i somehow got the moive form of the fanfics only ours,libraries aren't so innocent,twister,go fish,when naru chan comes home,no dildo required,seeing red,photobooth,ABCDEFG,won't you come and play with me,anata bokki suru,a persuasive argument,deisaso,desire,i'm not a girly man, i'm seme,and oneshot sequals oneshot? and your all gonna**

**From: akatsuki XIII fan**

SASUKE: Huh? Oh right, I'm in Akatsuki now. Hehehe… and… oh it's hate mail. Who's Shniz?

TOBI: Hm… I wonder-

DEIDARA: RESTRAIN HIM!

TOBI: -gets tackled by random interns-

DEIDARA: I give up. –BOOM-

SHNIZ: Why does everyone hate me? Oh well. –gets beaten up by random tools of torture-

PEIN: Uh… what? What are you saying and why are you saying it?

**Hey guys! Didja miss me? I bet you did.**

Pein: Do you use your girl body to sneak into the onsens and spy on Konan?  
Madara: You've got to be one of the worst villians ever. You're no different from Hitler or the stereotypical silent movie bad guy that has a fetish for tying girls to a railroad track.  
Konan: Make sure to keep Pein in line, you know how men tend to wander.  
Itachi: Thanks for Screwing Sasuke over, just sorry that it wasn't me.  
Kisame: Just keep doing what you do. *thumbs up*  
Kakuzu: I think someone completely keyed your car. *shifty eyes*  
Hidan: Have you ever tried growing a moustache? I bet it would look nice...or just make you look like an albino mexican.  
Sasori: Where would you be now if you never joined Akatsuki? And don't give me some sarcastic response like "Alive".  
Sasuke: ...*throws avocado* LAPDOG!  
Anyhoos...see ya next chapter! Neko out.

**From: nekomaniac13**

PEIN: … Now I will!

KONAN: -stab-

PEIN: -bleeding- Meh, it was worth it.

**MADARA: Ah, thank you. That's what I was going for.**

KONAN: You're right. –stabs Pein again-

PEIN: WHY!?

ITACHI: Really? You're welcome. And I'd screw Sasuke over a second time if I could. (Shut up ItaSasu fangirls.)

KISAME: _"SAVE ME!!-" –more static_-

KAKUZU: …Was it you? –angry emote-

HIDAN: I did once. My dad beat me severely for it.

SASORI: I'd probably own a hobby shop. I like my current job. And I'd be alive. Really, no sarcasm intended. I really would redo my life if there were a huge reset button on my head or something but – no such thing. SO I have to go with whatever the hell I have.

SASUKE: Ow! Freaking – Avocado!? –eats- Hm. Pretty good. What's a lapdog?

ITACHI: S'what you are! –smashes his head with sledgehammer into camera-

**ELLO!! i am Linsey Lohan! (JK JK JK XD i was bored and needed to laugh)  
ITACHI: i am not mocking u. i was just curious of what u like to read.  
Pein: lol ok. Random Question #2, what is ur fave color?  
TOBI: *brings something BIG on a wagon that is covered under a blanket* i got something for u *pulls the blanket off to reveal a GIANT cookie* U WANT IT!? U WANT IT!? well... u can only have it if u answer this one question; What is my fave color? *chuckle*  
SASORI: CAN I DYE UR HAIR SILVER!!? OR OR OR BLUE!? OR OR BLACK AND RED!!?? XD  
HIDAN: what if i help u get ur body parts back together? will u still kill me??  
DEIDARA: YEAH. Hey u wanna blow something (or someone)UP D I LOVE TO SEE THE BODY PARTS AL OVER THE PLACE!  
not ur body parts, Hidan**

**From: Zena39**

ITACHI: Hm… Fine. I like reading Horror Novels with terrible (as in tragic and/or horrifying) endings.

PEIN: Red. Hahaha.

TOBI: Uh… Uh… -desperate lol- AQUAMARINE! D: -explodes-

SASORI: No. Just no. And my hair's already red.

HIDAN: Well, I gotta sacrifice _something_…

DEIDARA: I'd love to blow something up. But due to my dating Hinata, I have to show "Restraint" now. Maybe next week or the weekend.

**sorry for the last one I accidentally hit the summit review.  
now I will continue right now.  
everyone: watch it until the movies finish(ties them to a steel metal indestructible chakra sucking iron chairs with indestructible chakra sucking iron steel metal black chains)you will all watch even you Madara! also I am not responsible for the trauma, innocent loss, coma falling, combusting, horny thoughts, or anything that will occur during these.  
Konan: are you secretly a yaoi fangirl.  
Pein: do the survival week village thing or DIE (readies the armies that has dragons, Pokémon, rocket launchers, weed killer, cloning machines, steel armor, rock armor, iron armor, mutant vampire tigers and leopards, giant mutant vampire zombie spiders, indestructible robot solders, fangirls, rabid fangirls, yaoi fangirls, rabid yaoi fangirls, incest fangirls, rabid incest fangirls, rabid weasels, rabid rabies foxs, UFOS, nunchucks, swords ,katanas, demons,interigators,magic,,staffs,harpies,unicorns,witchs,wizards,lions,rabid lions,every type of animals that are rabid or not and guns,missiles of every type incase he says the leader of the armys are lead by a girl wearing armor made of the hardest toughest metals,minearals,steels,rocks,and wood,has the weapeons rocket laucher,katana,battle puppets and rinding a armored dragon named frostbolt and also has a wolf named okami.)if you say no can you do a chapter or two about the war between the akatsuki and me.  
kakuzu:there also bountys for a billion million dollars on shniz and sasGAY heads each,also for proof waves in front of in the billion million dollars.  
everyone:here is the picture of madara(show them the picture of madara in his red battle armor).  
claire:here is a sledgehammer,dagger,pet wolf,staff,and a battle boomerang (hands her the stuff.)remember torture shniz.  
also my motto is vilence isn't the answer...ITS THE ONLY ANSWER!  
sorry for the longness but if you can shorten it you can.  
(suddenly the songs i kissed a girl and sakura drops play.)  
ja ne  
akatsuki XI fan:b**

PEIN: … What?

KONAN: …

PEIN: … Aalrighty then. Maybe next time…

KAKUZU: Oh Saaasuke… -grabs bat with nails in it-

PEIN: So this is Tobi? –compares cool-looking-Madara to Tobi sleeping face down in the stage- I-Impossible…

CLAIRE: Aw thanks! Uncle Shniz!

SHNIZ: STAY AWAY! EVIL CHILD.

**...  
Itachi:I just realized that Kishimoto must have changed how you looked mid way into the story cuz when sasuke has flashbacks of u (lol, he thinks about you...) you look differen and you have short hair.  
Madara: So Zabuza tried to kill you...?  
tobi: Have a cookie :gives cookie, but it is actualy explosives:  
Konan: What is your opinion on the song 'I kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry? (I made it my ring tone...kind of creepy really)  
Pein: I want your head to explode cuz it'll be funny...but then my friend would kill me...so I'd better not.**

**From: MizuKitsune248**

ITACHI: Hey, you're right! I should kill him for not being consistent!

**MADARA: Where'd you hear that? **_**I**_** tried to kill **_**him**_**!**

TOBI: YAY!

ALL: DON'T!

-explosion kills half the sector-

KONAN: Hm.

PEIN: …Nice to know…?

**Zomfg you skipped my questions! And FearTheFan's! And a bunch of others! T~T I guess I'll have to ask em again... possibly.**

Hey gaiz! Wow, I purposefully misspelled "guys"... Onward. Robert Goulet is dead cause the Red Ships in Spain ran him over.  
Itachi: Oh mythic shiny hair man, you are so dead. I wish you weren't. :D Anyways, you get a free flying ferret. *ferret flies at him*  
Konan: Is your hair naturally blue? If it isn't you win a cookie. If it is you win two cookies for putting up with Pein.  
Kisame: So... I think Ryuk from Death Note may be your half brother. Or something. You win a pie.  
Pein: Right, plastic surgery. Er, your normal hair is really spikey, what do you use to spike it? I'm planning on giving myself Liberty spikes, so I have to know.  
Tobi: Can I play basketball with your head? If I can you get a brownie, fresh baked in kitchen somewhere in Maine.  
Madara: Pencil time. *throws pencil in other eye*  
Sasori: Its called Purell! :D The other .1 percent is the deadliest.  
Kazuku: BAM! Wrong! It was famed actor Bruce Campbell, playing the part of action hero Ash! Short for Ashley. *smack down* You lose five dollars! *snatches his wallet*  
Deidara: :O Wow. That was actually a pretty cool idea. You killed a village and launched a terrorist attack. Congrats. Anyways, you win a jar of clay and a pet rabbit.  
All: :D Party time! *gives out lampshades*

**From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

PEIN: We apologize for skipping you and FearTheFan's questions. We've been sorta out of it and… yeah. Sorry.

ITACHI: A what-!? –Ferret hits face- GAAAAAAAAAAAAH. MY FAAAAAAAAACE.

KONAN: It is, Naturally blue. Thank you for the cookies.

KISAME: Hoo…ray? SAVE ME!!!

PEIN: Gel, and lots of it. So much that I kill ten interns every time I re-spike it. So basically we lose ten every day.

TOBI: -rips off head- (Crowd: OH MY GOD.) KAY. NOW GIMME THE BROWNIE! –dies-

DEIDARA: Dumbass!

**MADARA: What? –shluk(Sound of pencil stabbing through eye)- (Pause) GAAAAAAAH. MY GOOD EYE!!**

SASORI: Ah. Okay.

KAKUZU: NOOO. MY WALLET HOLDS MORE THAN FIVE DOLLARS YOU BITCH!

DEIDARA: A pet rabbit? But I'm allergic to rabbits! (random fact) –face swells up-

**I am so glad that you put up with me author-san, yeah. Anyways.**

Kakuzu: My friend's gonna cosplay as you, so I'll be cosplaying as Hidan in December again, yeah?

Hidan: I have a feeling... And I just can't hide it... It's not because I love you... Which I do... It's just... -stomache growls- I'm hungry yeah... XD

Deidara: Agh! I can't stop saying yeah, yeah?

Hidan: I just said something quite idiotic in my previous... erm? Post? Letter? To you, yeah? So... umm... Yeah... Wow. It's quite fun to cosplay as you... yeah... and... Can you believe I fell asleep in class and when my teacher woke me up I screamed "Die, you little motherfucking heathen" into her face? O.o... XD

Pein: Why does the replacement for the body who died looks like Konan? Except with more piercings yeah?

Konan: You were sitting on the recliner while Mada...er... Tobi and Pein were talking... Why?

Kisame: Don't kill Suigetsu! Kill Sasuke! Suigetsu and you are awesome Shinobi! Yeah!

Itachi: Why does Sharingan blind the Uchiha damnit? Now I'm going blind... Seriously... No kidding yeah. I'm gonna be blind if I don't get eye surgery and let them stitch me up like Kakuzu.

Tobi: The power of Christ and/or Jashin compels you!

That'd be all. Say hi to the rest is all yeah?

**From: Adelaide "Adell" Peirce **

Kakuzu: Uhm… Okay…?

DEIDARA: YEAH! Yeah… God, I haven't said that in a while – feels good! YEAH! YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH –gets hit with rock-

PEIN: Here's your pills, man.

HIDAN: Jashin is proud. But your parents probably aren't.

PEIN: Because… Uh… Shit happened, I dunno!

KONAN: Because I'm awesome. And I don't have to degrade myself by talking to both of them at the same time.

KISAME: -bursts through the door suddenly-

ITACHI: Kisame! You're back! From… where'd you come from again?

Er… We go blind because our lives suck like that.

--

"I was at the BREMUDA TRIANGLE. I SPENT FIVE WEEKS TRYING TO CONTACT THIS PLACE AND ANOTHER MONTH TRYING TO SWIM MYSELF BACK!" Kisame hissed at them, stomping towards the stage. Tobi bounced up to him and said (happily?) "Hey, Kisame-san! Guess what! We're getting cancelled!" There was a silence. "What's that mean?" He asked happily. Kisame punched him.

"WHADDAYA MEAN _CANCELLED!?_" He shouted, kicking and stomping on Tobi. He looked around and saw Private Watson (Voted most popular intern). "You! Freaking help me out with this!" he ordered. Watson jumped a little. "W-With what, sir??" He asked. "Just kick him! I don't care where – freaking kill him!" Kisame shouted, almost foaming at the mouth. Almost.

Tobi is dead -.-

--

**Hello again! -waving frantically- I've been wai- -trips over shoelaces- ... I meant to do that... really...**

ANYWAY...

Sasori: Stupid of Kishimoto-san to kill you off so soon... How'd you turn yourself into a puppet?  
Zetsu: Easy- I always carry a mini flamethrower in my pocket. So I'd burn you from the inside out. But I don't WANT to have to burn you, so onegai, don't eat me. You're cool.  
Pein: Yeah, seize control from Madara! I'll help!  
Shniz: Why is everyone being mean to you?! You're just plain cool! -glomps- AND you were a big help in at least one story... Question, though: have you ever been in any fan art? I THINK there's one of you calling Shikamaru and manwhore... o.0  
Hidan: -sticks tongue out- Bet I can beat you in DDR. And I KNOW that Gaara of the Funk can! (Naruto Abridged referance here)  
Itachi: Gomen, gomen! And... That doesn't make any sense. Are you saying that your hair has feelings?!  
Deidara: That's good to know, because that way there won't be any fangirls trying to force you into a marriage. And don't even THINK about thinking I would, because I wouldn't.  
Tobi: You're cute, and that's all that matter! -gives a cookie- Cheer up!  
Kakuzu: ... Why? I bite my lips all the time... what'll it do? -cocks head- Money is NOT all important, I'm saying it again for emphasis.  
Konan: I do mean it! And I like your rose. Can you kick one of the Akatsuki for me, please?  
Hinata (if she's there): Hi, Hina-hime -waves furiously- I really like your hair color! And your eye color. Question: if you married someone blond and had kids, what color would their hair be? Green? Or if you had kids with a redhead, would their hair be pruple? Your's is a pretty blue, so...  
Sasuke: You're the biggest Mary-Sue in the whole series. What the fruit have you been learning?!

One last question, and this is to all of you: Can we ask the AUTHOR questions? Please?

**From: Birdy-chan**

SASORI: Actually… I don't know.

ZETSU: Th… Thanks.

PEIN: (whispers) Not in front of him! –shifty eyes –

SHNIZ: …Wh-What!?

HIDAN: OH YEAH!? LET'S JUST SEE ABOUT THAT!

KAKUZU: Hidan, you suck at DDR.

HIDAN: NO! SHUT UP! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY MAD SKILLZ. I PUT Z AT THE END BECAUSE ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT.

-cries to self-

ITACHI: All hair has feelings. Look at Uncle Thing.

UT: -waves-

DEIDARA: Of course you wouldn't.

TOBI: -camera tosses cookie at Tobi Corpse –

KAKUZU: Money not important? Is it possible to use those words in the same sentence? In that exact same order!? –explodes-

KONAN: I'll kick all of them if you want.

HINATA: …I… don't know. X.x

SASUKE: How to ------- and -------- and ------ your mother and ---------. Stuff like that.

TWA: Questions are null and void due to cancellation. – I know, I'm sad too – (gets shot)

**Wait- I can torture Sas-gay (I don't hate gays, I make fun of his straightness) now too! Oh, happy day.**

Kisame: Have you seen the new Nivea for men body wash commercial. They said something about it not smelling like crap and leaving cracked skin or something. But personally, I think the original marketing campaign was, "It won't leave you smelling like an ass-cake." Why do I tell you this...

Itachi: You're still dead, and not only that, your lame-ass duck-butted brother is now a member of the once greatly awesome Akatsuki. Its sorta your fault.

Madara: You totally suck. Why did you bring in the lame-ass group, WHY!

Konan: ...How long does it take you to brush your hair.

Pein: I liked it better when you were supreme Akatsuki god/leader man. Oh, and how's that little bundle of joy monkey I threw at Madara two chapters ago?

Zetsu: Have you ever wanted to wage war against vegetarians for eating plants?

Hidan: This is an all important question- What... Is your shoe size! Hm. Bet its a women's 5

Kakuzu: I want you to buy Hidan women's shoes because you are the only one that has money. And it would be funny.

Sasori: Do you ever miss your Grammy?

Deidara: Have you made exploding statues of people? Just sorta wondering.

Tobi: Do you feel lonely?

Sasuke: Nope, I didn't forget you, your just last, and certainly least. I somehow got your mail, you currently have several marriage papers from Sakura, Ino, Karin, a friend of mine, and several other people. They all are threatening you with your life, so you better marry all of them before they send me a letter bomb.

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: Hello once again, FearTheFan. …And good-bye. I had no reason to know that. -.-

ITACHI: Thank you for making me feel worse.

**MADARA: -spirit rises from Tobi's corpse- I did it for laughs.**

KONAN: It depends on how bad it is in the morning.

PEIN: Haha, it ate his face.

ZETSU: I eat vegetarians.

HIDAN: Woman's SIX. What's wrong with you… wait. HEY.

KAKUZU: Yes it would. But I'm not ever going to spend a single cent.

SASORI: SHUT UP. –sniffs-

DEIDARA: Multiple times. Most of them of Tobi, which I usually intend to punch. But it explodes on me. –shows bandaged fist-

TOBI: -croaks-

SASUKE: …Isn't it against the law to do that?

**Kakuzu: How do you pronounce your name? I mean, if its pronounced the way I think it is, then you have a very odd name.**

Deidara: Have you ever pretended to be a girl for fun?

Sasuke: How do you get your hair to stay like that? Seriously!

Kisame: Have you ever been so desperate that you went out with a fish? And if you have, what kind of fish?

Deidara (again): Have you ever considered blowing up the sun? Cause I have a wonderful plan of how to do it, it involves Russians, Saturn, and lots of explosives.

Tobi: Mayonaise is the source of all evil... think about that...

**From: Temporarily In Hiding**

KAKUZU: Ka-Ku-Zu. It's not that hard to pronounce!

… Oh I see the joke.

You fucker.

DEIDARA: No. No I haven't.

SASUKE: I was born this beautiful.

ITACHI: -snickers and laughs-

KISAME: Angelfish. …ANGIEE!!!

DEIDARA: Ah, Russia. I think my aunt lives there.

TOBI: -coughs up mayonnaise bomb-

**kisame: did u like the poptart?  
kazuku: NO A SPOKE IS A SPRITE COKE MIX!1  
hidan: thank u  
tobi: didnt bake any thing this week so... have some pocky  
madara: thats just mean!  
konan: hands large sword a runs VERY far away  
TheWindAlchemist: u own**

**From: Ayumi Uchiha**

KISAME: Yes. Very delicious.

KAKUZU: …WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS!?

HIDAN: …You're welcome.

TOBI: -cameraman throws pocky at Tobi corpse-

**MADARA: I'm the embodiment of mean. **

KONAN: Ah hah… - looks at Pein –

TWA: I'd like to think so, yes.

**yeah me again.  
pein:ignore the army thing i was high on candy.  
shniz:fuck you heathen of a bitch bastard pig sinner also rips out his spine,brain,eyes,liver,and kidney and chokes him with his spine and shoves his spine,kidney,eyes,and liver down at once down his thoat.  
sasGAY:i hate you as much as shniz also hurts him by shoving his voodoo doll down a lawn mower and lights it with waterproof fire.  
madara:i want to give you some presents(gives him the anbu patol route of the leaf village,bazooka,codes to activate a space time laser beam cannon thing,a book named how to make your own godzilla sized monster,a book named how to cause chaos and destuction everywhere in one day,and ufos.  
konan:here is a tobidei doujinshi9gives her the doujinshi)this is REALLY GRAPHIC.  
deidara:here is a book about how to make esplosions bigger(gives him the book(has a really really graphic picture of sasodeitobi) )have fun.  
everyone:for some reason i want to you my list of my favorite charaters and i don't know how to say that.  
...list...  
first place  
tobi,deidara,and obito(means i like them the same.  
second place  
sasori and zetsu(means i like them enogh for second)  
third place  
hidan and kakuzu(means i like them for third)  
forth place  
itachi,kisame,konan,madara,and pein(you know what i mean right?**

fifth place  
hinata,naruto,gaara,yugito,and ino  
sixth place  
sasgay ukeshitcha,suckura whoreino,oreoukemaru,shniz(means i hate them with passion also if you don't know what the nickname means is sasuke is gay,sakura sucks,is a whore and pig, orochimaru is gay and a oreo.)  
(suddenly the song disturbia plays in the background.)  
ja ne  
akatsuki XI fan

PEIN: Okay…?

SHNIZ: …!?

SASGAY: …?

**MADARA: …THANKS. A LOT. REALLY.**

KONAN: Uh huh… Er… thanks?

DEIDARA: Oh thanks and – AAAH MY GAAAD –

PEIN: …That's nice… JUST LEAVE. OH GOD. (he got a glimpse of Deidara's book)

**Hey guys, these chapters are SO LOL. Anyways, i got questions/comments/demands.  
Sasori: i read the manga, you drove a Deadly Poisonous Sword into her stomach, she gave the potion to granny chiyo and that's how she beat you. I Hate Her More. Why? Why didn't Granny just take the damn antidote. Better her than , what i want to say is that you transfer your soul in another puppet and help me and Hidan kill pinky. Besides, you're awesome, you shouldn't die.  
Itachi:If i ask you to marry me, i know you'll say no and try to kill me. So...  
Tobi: Marry me. You have no choice. Do it, or your A VERY VERY BADBOY. And here's a shiny red bouncy ball.  
Deidara: What's up? How are you and Hina-chan?  
Kakuzu: Hey, Now im going to give you don't know a random number of money. it could be 12 cents to 10,232,321. Good luck. ... 7,887,476. Damn, anyway, you have to use half of that to help Pein fix the base and buy groceries. MUHAHAHAHA.  
Hidan: You're a hitman right? Well, i need you to take care of somebody. She goes by the nAme Pink Blob. You know where she lives.  
Shinz: ...Hmm, should i kick you... give you a cake...or hang you up on a pole and let Tobi/Itachi/Sasuke/Kisame fangirls torture you? Oh... sorry, but i told them that you did something... forgot what i told them, but they'll come in 3...2...5...1...NOW!!  
Zetsu: Well, i gave Hidan a job, might as well give you one. I need them taken care of...i need more like want you to eat these girls. *Gives adresses* I need you to eat Karin too.  
Sasuke: Why do you have so many fangirls? I bet it must get really annoying. Do you hate Sakura?I mean, when you left, she ran to Naruto.**

I was just kidding Tobi. You don't have to marry me. And here's a PSP with Barney. MUW-hahaha?

NaniHigarashii13

SASORI: I sorta gave up on that… Sakura's not gonna die anytime soon. So I'm just not gonna fight anymore.

ITACHI: Kill you? Haha, I will.

TOBI: -cameraman throws ball at Tobi's corpse (and a ring)-

DEIDARA: Good, good. 'Cept now I have to take 'good guy' lessons.

KAKUZU: I will get right on that… -steals money-

HIDAN: I do? I-I mean, of course I do! I'll get right on it… - falls asleep randomly-

SHNIZ: …Wha - -splodes-

ZETSU: Do I have to eat Karin? I tried eating her once but she tasted like sulfur mixed with skunk fumes…

SASUKE: Haha, the whore.

**Ok this is my first time but before i start *Gives kakuzu 1 billion dollars*Your welcom and you owe me...**

Hidan:Jashin is tight and if you want to see a bloody movie watch ghost ship.

Kisame:Uh...do you want candy??

Zetsu:I got some mail that was yours and it had meat and smelt like chicken...

Kakuzu:Your pretty cute in ways so heres a billion more dollars  
*Kisses Kuzu*Bye bye sweetie!!Oh ya heres some wine to cheer you up *Hands him wine that will make him drunk*Enjoy!!

Konan and Pein:Yall to make a sweet couple and konan i think you have feelings for pein.

Itachi:You so gay dude...

Tobi:Heres a double fudge cake with a pickle on it and throw it at itachi...

bye bye!!

**From: crunchygirl89**

HIDAN: A… Alright…?

KISAME: Better than what they serve here at the cafeteria.

ZETSU: Oh. So that's where it went.

KAKUZU: …Sweet. Money.

KONAN: I have feelings alright. – glares-

PEIN: …What did I _do!?_

TOBI: -throws pickle at Tobi Corpse; pickle (somehow) bounces off mask and hits Itachi in the eye)

ITACHI: YOU HIT ME IN THE EYE THROUGH A RETARDED CORPSE AND NOW YOU CALL ME GAY!? WHAT'S _WRONG_ WITH YOU!?

TOBI: -throws fudge cake with a pickle on it at Tobi's Corpse –

**Oh, please tell me you did not discontinue this... i loved it! shniz is an awesome OC! he's hilarious. Anyways, I have a question if you continue this fic:  
1) Zetsu, if i said you made kisame look normal would you slap me, throw me off a bridge, then tie me to a pine tree in a hale storm? please answer no!  
2) Kakuzu, what's with the stitches? Um, did you fall and get those or what happened there? (lol i had to ask)  
3) Konan, isn't it sickening when the guys talk sick stuff? Like if they are being little perves? And if I told you in another fic they go into your bedroom and rummage around... (sorry for tattling guys, she's a fellow female!)  
4) Deidara, no offense, but everyone knows you look like Ino Yamanaka. You like her, on't you?  
5) Sasori, i know your name means scorpion, but... the only thing is that weird cord/tail thingy that's like a scorpion, and when you were born, you didn't have it... that's just strange.  
6) Itachi, why are you so stoic? Now whenever i see someone with that emotionless expression, i think 'weasel' lol i had to say it! its true!  
7) Hidan, if i told you that my friend was haught, would you go out with her?  
8) Kakuzu, why do you like money so much? Oh and by the way ... *whispers* POOR!  
9) Pein, you seriously love konan, everyone knows... you should see all the fics about you two! you two are suh a cute couple...  
10) all: are you good at math?  
11) Tobi, did someone stick their thumb to your face? cuz u look like a walking thumbprint.  
12) Zetsu, how do you put up with that... thumbprint?  
13) all: If you had to choose, which of these girls would you date: sakura, or temari?  
14) Itachi, which girl do you like? From konoha? I thinkyou and Kurenai would be cute together... don't kill me, just saying!  
15) Kisame, if i told you were a cute shark person, would you go out with me? lol just wondering...  
16) kakuzu, if i told you that tsunade liked you, would you go and steal her underwear? it says you wear women's underwear in all kinds of fics... lol don't kill me!  
17) I know im a bit of a pest, but Zetsu and itachi, if you two were stuck in a box, where would you hope the box ended up?  
18) all: if you had a part-time job, what would you choose? has to be a common one in konohagakure, awegakure, takigakure or sunagakure.  
19) kisame, no im serious. your awesome. not kidding, i wrote two fics on my computer aout you. ur so freaking awesome!  
20) Itachi, if i threw you off a cliff, would you use sukuyomi on me? (say no, say no!) i have this urge to throw you off a cliff... just curious.  
21) Hidan, would you kill me if i ripped off your left ear? (there's a reason i chose the left ear)  
22) all: if i said you were stupid, what would be your most violent raction?  
23) Tobi, if i locke you in a closet with a yaoi-obsessed kankuro and a fangirl, whhat would you do?  
24) all: can i throw you off a bridge? a low one and onto a pile of pillows... haha the pillows are full of hot rocks...  
25) kisame, if you had to steal something, would it be kakuzu's money, or hidan's rosery?  
(note the consequences)  
26) kisame, if i told you that in another fic that deidara and tobi used poor samahada to peel apples, what would you do?  
(lol this really happened)  
27) hidan, if i screamed in your ears and made you deaf, would it go away? you are immortal, after all.  
28) kakuzu, if someone cut all your stitches durring the night, what would you do to them?  
29) i'll leave soon, but all: *whispers to all but kakuzu* on the count of three yell poor in kakuzu's ears, i wanna see him blow up.  
1... 2... 3...  
30) pein and konan, will you ever... you know...**

thanks for reading my review... im a pest i know

**From: KabutosLittleAkaneSukishima17**

ZETSU: …No.

KAKUZU: You don't want to know.

KONAN: I just tune it out. And they will suffer in the pit of Hades where they will spend the rest of their pitiful afterdays.

DEIDARA: No. Not at all. Never. NO. NO!!

SASORI: Everything about me's strange. Deal with it.

ITACHI: I started a legacy. WORSHIP ME.

HIDAN: …Haught? HOT.

KAKUZU: I AM NOT POOR!! –rampages to kill audience-

PEIN: Why thank you!

KONAN: Too bad they're only FICTION.

PEIN: WHY ARE YOU SO MAD!?

ALL: NO.

TOBI: Hey I got better everybody! –suddenly gets run over by cameraman-

ZETSU: I don't.

ALL: Temari.

ITACHI: …

KISAME: No.

KAKUZU: No, and No. Never. What the hell's wrong with you?

ITACHI: In your room. Where I can KILL you in your SLEEP.

ZETSU: Nowhere near here.

ALL: ANYTHING THAT PAYS WELL.

KISAME: Hooray…?

ITACHI: YES. Just to spite you.

HIDAN: …What the hell!? YES! 

ALL: -murderous look-

TOBI: -rock is thrown at him for some reason-

ALL: NO. JESUS NO.

KISAME: Whichever's worth more. And for my other question, I'd murder them. Both.

HIDAN: FUCK YOU. WHAT.

KAKUZU: Get myself back together. Then kill the FUCK out of them.

PEIN: We… already have. EVERYBODY NOW!

ALL: POOR!

KAKUZU: -splodes-

**Oh! I have a question for Shniz!  
lol your weird, but anyways, can i kick you so hrd that you bounce off the moon, bounce off earth, bounce of the moon, bounce off the earth, and so on till you get lost in space? that would be pretty funny, no?  
everyone else: don't you think that'd be pretty freakin' hilarious?1! oh my gosh that'd be so funny**

**From: KabutosLittleAkaneSukishima17**

SHNIZ: Er… No?

-:-

Okay, so to all of you who hoped for another chapter, prepare to be mindraped by rejection.

WE ARE OFFICIALLY CANCELLED. KISAME'S CORNER IS DISCONTINUED.

We have decided that Kisame's Corner will come to a close due to the many distractions of [MapleStory] real life. We formally apologize for the inconvenience and we apologize. As a parting gift, we will post (just to make this chapter even more unnecessarily long) epilogues of the people in this story.

Enjoy…?

--

Pein, Konan and Claire [And Uncle Thing (sorta)]

Went AWOL during their once-a-year vacation outside of the base. Last seen in the mountains around Konoha. Rumored to be living together in a magnificent mansion built off mother nature's trees. [AKA a rundown shack.] Zetsu was not amused.

ZETSU

Went to live with his parents back in the forest he grew up with. Too bad it was replaced with a rundown shack. He moved next door and ate everyone who dared enter his part of the forest.

TOBI:

-throws script at Tobi's corpse-

Recovered from his many injuries and started his own comedy show with the possessed hamburger from previous stories. Regretably, his burger was found dead [eaten] in their apartment one day. Here is an exclusive interview with Tobi immediately after the incident.

"_HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF EATING MY PARTNER!? HE WAS MY BROTHER AND – coughs up piece of lettuce -" _

"…"

"_Uh…"_

"_GET HIM!"_

_-static-_

DEIDARA

Made millions selling his hair as pillow fluffing. Currently lives in a mansion just outside Sunagakure with Hinata. :D

[$2mil per pillow]

SASORI

Quit Akatsuki and began wandering the countryside, eventually joining a travelling troupe. They play the story of Pinocchio repeatedly, and ironically he played the part of Gepetto.

HIDAN

Tried reviving his fallen religion: Jashinism. However the high demands to join resulted in numerous deaths. He was last seen fleeing the authorities to the Mexican border.

[Rule #1 of Jashinism: You have to be immortal.]

KAKUZU

Started his own line of bars that swept the nation! Though, one day he was driving drunk and crashed into a Gas Station that caused an explosion that killed dozens. For some reason he wasn't caught.

KISAME

Started a rebel faction and attempted to free all fish in aquariums everywhere. Shamu is his current project, however, his comrades keep getting caught.

ITACHI

Died and decided to become the Light Spirit's personal assistant! The Light Spirit was not amused. Here's an exclusive interview:

"_THIS IS BULLCRAP!? WHY IS HE HERE, WHO ASSIGNED HIM HERE!? I'LL KILL HIM!" –is rampaging around the office-_

_-static-_

A Very sad day for the Light Spirit.

**MADARA**

Took Pein's place as Japan leader of Akatsuki. Failed miserably and tore a hole in the space time continuum and destroyed the base and all its inhabitants. Madara's whereabouts are unknown.

And, last and also least, SHNIZ

Went to buy food with what little money he had during the time of the total fucking of the base. When he returned, there was a giant crater where the base should have been. Losing everything he ever owned, he now owns a crappy unnoticeable gas station in the area between Konoha and Suna. Congratulations, Shniz, you fail at life and everything it has to offer.

THEWINDALCHEMIST

Hunched over a computer desk drinking orange soda and writing meaningless fanfictions until life throws shit in her face.

-:-

LEAVE.

(I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK FOR EVERYTHING AND DEDICATED PERSONS WITH NO LIFE EXCEPT TO ASK QUESTIONS HERE. I HOPE YOU FIND MEANING IN OUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE. THANK YOU.)


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